


Dream of Mirrors

by Arcadias_Fire



Series: Seeking Mischief [4]
Category: British Actor RPF, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Loki (Marvel), BDSM, Coming Out, Depression, Dom/sub Undertones, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Magic, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Multiverse, Nightmares, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Power Dynamics, Psychic Bond, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Romance, Sub Loki (Marvel)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-09-23
Packaged: 2019-05-17 21:04:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 68,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14839134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arcadias_Fire/pseuds/Arcadias_Fire
Summary: “Have you been sleeping at all?”“Hrmm?” Tom looked up at Ben with bleary blue eyes. “No, not really.”“You’ve got to sleep.”Tom shook his head sharply, looked down at the butcher block in front of him and traced a small circle on it with his fingertip.“Why not?”Tom looked away. Out the window of his kitchen. Not that he saw the view. “Dreams.”How do you go on when your lover is gone, but you can never be free of their memory because you must become them? How do you keep living when your god is dead and you wear their death mask as your face? There’s help from unexpected places, and perhaps, just perhaps, the god is less dead than he appears.





	1. Teardrop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note this is a direct sequel to "Dreaming of Mischief" and won't make much sense if you haven't read it. It also takes place during/after "Most Faithful Mirror", but you could skip that (don't, I'm really pretty proud of it).

 

Tom dreams of Loki, but it isn’t real. He knows it isn’t real. His god is dead and his own heart is broken. Loki is gone, and he left a wound in Tom’s mind. 

 

But he dreams of Loki, murmuring sweet things against his neck as he sleeps. Running his long fingers through Tom’s curls. Always so fascinated by the differences in their hair. By the way the his curls wrapped themselves around the god’s fingers. The way Tom’s hair changed color depending on the light. Like his eyes.

 

Tom dreams of the way Loki’s long black locks glided over his hands like silk. The starkness of raven hair against alabaster skin. The way his muscles moved under the pale surface, just a little different than a human’s would. Of the way he  _ didn’t _ respond the way that Tom would, but his own way. Of all the ways they were the same, but totally different. 

 

Tom knows Loki will try and save himself. But he will also save those he loves.  

 

That is what doomed him. 

 

Loki saw Tom as a reflection of himself. That’s how it all started. The god looked into another reality and saw himself mirrored. And Tom looked back. 

 

They saw one another and knew that it was good. 

 

Tom had offered Loki everything that he had, everything he was. He’d loved the god before he knew that he was anything beyond fiction, and when presented with the reality of Loki’s existence, how could he do anything else? He understood more completely than anyone else did, or possibly could. He could  _ help. _

 

But he’d failed. 

 

He may have made things worse. 

 

Their mirror is broken. Shattered. Tom can feel it in his mind. They had been connected, and now they are not. He suspects he knows why: Loki did this to protect Tom. But oh it  _ hurts. _ And now he can do nothing but wonder and feel the pain. 

 

Has it happened yet? Has Thanos’s ship come? How many days, hours, minutes, seconds are left? 

 

And that’s why he knows he’s dreaming when Loki whispers against his skin -  _ my beloved - _ and the dream isn’t real.  _ My precious mortal, how I miss you.  _ It’s a lie his mind has made for him, not the god’s voice in his ear. 

 

Tom wonders if he should have told the god what fate had in store for him, but he doesn’t know how far destiny will bend. One way. Only one way. He’d tried to rewrite Loki’s story as it was, and causality stepped in. No, the reality had been too dangerous to be told, but maybe he would have stayed… 

 

But maybe the god was right to quit this universe. To abandon Tom to his solitary life. To leave and face Thanos. Maybe if he had stayed, Tom’s world would have fallen to the Titan’s wrath. Fiction might have destroyed reality, and wouldn’t everyone be  _ surprised! _

 

Or maybe Tom would have just been taken, as Loki feared. Tortured. Vanished. And nobody would have been the wiser. His family, friends, and fans would have mourned, but that would have been the end. 

 

But that scenario hardly seemed likely. No, chances are it would have gone much, much worse. This world had no protectors. No Avengers to defend it. It would fall so easily to the Titan and he would revel in the destruction. Take glee in his “balance”.

 

Even if it wouldn’t be much of a challenge. But challenge was hardly the point. 

 

But the whispers in his dreams continue.  _ My dearest, I miss you. My love, my mortal, my beloved.  _ **_Mine._ ** _ I am here. Yours forever. Never gone.  _

 

Lies lies lies. 

 

Perhaps what passed between them has changed something for Loki. But even if the god’s fate has been altered, he cannot come back. No matter how time might rewrite itself, Loki will be unable to return to him. Might not even know that he had a home beyond the Nine Realms.

 

And so Tom dreams.

 

 _I’m sorry. My beloved, I’m so sorry I left you. I was wrong. I’m sorry I’m sorry. I love you._ _Oh beloved, I’m sorry. Goodbye._

 

The dreams grow darker. 

 

_ Why did you not tell me? Why? I would have stayed if you had said. _

 

And he wakes, alone and shivering. With no one to share his bed but tears.


	2. Sleep

 

 

“Have you been sleeping at all?”

 

“Hrmm?” Tom looked up at Ben with bleary blue eyes. “No, not really.”

 

The other actor took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “You’ve got to sleep.”

 

Tom shook his head sharply, looked down at the butcher block in front of him and traced a small circle on it with his fingertip.  

 

“Why not?”

 

Tom looked away. Out the window of his kitchen. Not that he saw the view. “Dreams.”

 

“Nightmares?”

 

He shook his head. “No. Well, sometimes. Mostly just… remembering.”

 

“Ah.” Ben toyed with his tea mug. “I wish I could help.”

 

Tom shrugged listlessly. “I should have told him.”

 

“I understand why you didn’t. It was probably the right call.”

 

“Perhaps.”

 

“He would have wanted details, and he might have just made the choice faster.”

 

Tom sighed.

 

Ben hesitated, then laid a hand on Tom’s forearm. “Please, you must take care of yourself.”

 

“A part of me is gone, Ben. Can’t you understand that? Ripped apart. It _hurts_.” Tom rubbed the back of his head at the base of his skull, where the pain lay. “It’s a physical ache, not just… mourning.”

 

“You can feel… what do you think it is?”

 

“We were connected. He built a magical link between our minds. It was early on - when we first met, I think - he was using it to be able to reach me again. But it’s gone now. Maybe he removed it when left, or when he died…” Tom’s breath hitched, “I don’t…” Tears fell and he scrubbed at his face. “I could feel him, and now I can’t and it’s agony.” He looked up at Ben. His friend’s mouth was hanging open.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“Are you?”

 

“Of course! I don’t mean… I just… I don’t know what to say.”

 

“I don’t know that there is anything to be said. I was in a brief, torrid affair with a fictional character - one of my characters at that - and now he’s _gone._ Because of me.”

 

“He… Tom, you didn’t do anything wrong.”

 

“No? I encouraged him to make up with Thor. To feel. To love. And he tried to do the right thing, protect those he loved, and he was killed because he had a stupid plan and just acted on instinct.”

 

“It wasn’t that stupid; he was trying to do the right thing.”

 

Tom glared. “Really? Thanos beat _the Hulk_ in hand to hand combat and we’re just going to _stab_ him? It was rubbish.”

 

“Okay, it wasn’t much of a plan, I’ll admit.”

 

Tom put his head down on the breakfast bar. “It was inane.”

 

“We don’t really know what happened, do we? I mean, there’s always the possibility that the universes don’t line up the way we think they do. And timelines can be rewritten.” Tom found the soft hope he heard in Ben’s voice intolerable, but his friend did have a point.

 

“Well, he was sleeping with his brother. That’s not exactly canon.”

 

“Right. Is it possible that things happened differently?”

 

Tom looked up. “I’d thought of that. My Loki - the real one - can actually do things that don’t come up in the films. But even if he is still alive, I’ll never see him again.”

 

“But wouldn’t it be better?”

 

“It would.” Tom nodded, then looked down at his hands. “But I’ll never know for certain. And I’m still…”

 

After a long pause, Ben spoke. “Still what?”

 

Tom dropped his head back down onto the wooden surface with a hollow thunk.

 

“Alone.”

 

Tom couldn’t see Ben’s expression. He didn’t care.

 

But the soft hand that began to run through his curls was a surprise. “You don’t have to be.”

 

Tom’s mind froze. He didn’t look up. “You don’t mean that.”

 

“I… I talked about it with Sophie. She… she thinks… if you want… we could try again?”

 

Tom looked up. Ben’s hand slid down to his shoulder. He was biting his lip, but as he looked at Tom his gaze never wavered.

 

“I… I can’t. Not right now. It’s too… too fresh.” He dropped his head back down. “I’ll think about it. Maybe… perhaps when things are better.”

 

“I am here for you, Tom. Whatever you need. I just want to be certain you know that.”

 

Tom reached out and smiled as his fingers tangled with Ben’s. The contact felt good. Right. “Thank you.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since chapter 1 was so short, I offer a bonus chapter for this week. As per usual, I plan on updating on Sundays and Thursdays for this baby as my beta works their way through it. 
> 
> This is still a WIP, so if there's anything people particularly want to see (I expect this will be easier to answer shortly) please let me know in the comments.


	3. Return

Tom was grateful that most of his work these days was voice acting. It was easy, brief, and fairly lucrative. It seemed that his name had a certain cache that didn’t actually need to be associated with his face. Normally he found it quite fun, but now it was just work. He really wasn’t up for the rigors of the set - or the studio - at the moment. The promotional tour for _Infinity War_ had been pure agony. Tom felt hollow, but could work past it most of the time.

 

But no quantity of paracetamol could ease the ache in his head. It was fading a little - or he was getting used to it - but the pain still made him snappish. A few people asked if he was alright, which he couldn’t bare. His reputation for being unfailingly polite meant that those around him noted if he showed even the slightest sign of irritation. He struggled to pull himself together, and nearly managed it. He hurt and couldn’t share it with the world. Tom was in mourning, and only two people other than himself knew why and he couldn’t say _anything._

 

He wasn’t sure why he hadn’t told his family while it was going on. He'd had other things on his mind than introducing a fictional character to his mum and sisters. Tom’d had every intention of telling them of his involvement with the god, but now that Loki was gone, it just seemed pointless. They’d never believe him without the evidence of Loki’s presence. It was just too mad otherwise. So he found himself making excuses to Emma via text. His sister could tell something was wrong instantly if they spoke, and he just wasn’t up for dealing with it. Luckily he could claim he was working. Even if he wasn’t.

 

Today he actually had been working. The trip back to his flat had been interminable, but at least he was finally home. Tom juggled a takeaway bag with one hand while he pulled his keys out to unlock the door. He slipped into his dark sitting room and switched on the lights, when he was suddenly struck by an intense scent of ozone.

 

He looked around the now-lit room.

 

A dark form lay crumpled on the floor.

 

Bag and keys slipped from lifeless fingers. “Oh my god.”

 

Tom didn’t notice traversing the space between the door and the blue leather garbed figure. The next thing he knew, he was rolling the form over and feeling for a pulse. A tiny shock met his fingers, familiar and terribly weak.

 

Weak, but alive.

 

“Oh my god oh my god oh my god.”

 

Pale green eyes opened and gazed up at him. “You called?” Loki was filthy, his horse voice barely a whisper, but a tiny smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.

 

Tom ran his hands over dirty cheeks. “Oh my god, how can you be here? How are you alive?”

 

“Luck, I believe, was finally on my side,” the god whispered. “I received some… assistance.” He coughed violently, then smiled up at Tom. “I am so happy to see you again, beloved.”

 

Tom curled over Loki’s body and cradled the god’s head to his chest. He kissed his hair, his forehead, lips, savored the tiny trickle of magic between them. “I thought you were dead. Oh god. I thought… I _knew,_ I would never see you again.”

 

“I cannot blame you for that. I was quite certain that I would not survive myself.” Loki coughed again.

 

“Do you want some water, love?”

 

Loki nodded almost imperceptibly. “Please.”

 

Tom let go of the god’s head, fingers training along his cheeks and temples, coming away streaked with dirt and soot. He got to his feet and went to the kitchen. He kept looking over his shoulder to make sure that Loki was still there. Really _here._

 

He returned with two glasses of water, recalling well last time the god arrived in his sitting room. “Can you sit up?”

 

“Not without assistance, I’m afraid.”

 

Tom knelt behind Loki and helped the weakened god to sit up and lean against his lap. Loki’s hands were shaking so badly that Tom simply took the glass and guided it to the god’s mouth. Even with his help, water spilled as Loki took small sips.

 

“What happened?”

 

“It is a peculiar tale, and longer than I would have thought possible, given the time I had. I will tell you, I promise, but I am too tired now.”

 

“Of course. Can you stand? I’m not going to be able to lift you on my own.”

 

“In a minute or two, perhaps.” Loki closed his eyes and nuzzled against Tom’s legs. “I love you.”

 

Tom’s heart stopped for a moment and then restarted. He thought he’d never hear Loki say those words anywhere but his dreams. “I love you too.” He bent forward the best he could and kissed the god’s cheek. “I’m so glad you’re back.”

 

“I am as well, beloved.”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

Loki opened an eye. “For what?”

 

“For not telling you what was going to happen.”

 

“You told me the Titan was coming, I understand why you didn’t give me more detail.” He closed his eye again and repeated the nuzzle. “What you did tell me was of great assistance, though I must admit I did not expect things to come to a head so quickly.”

 

“How… how long have you been away?”

 

“A handful of hours, perhaps? They were quite eventful, and I am uncertain how long my journey back took.”

 

“A handful… It’s been weeks.”

 

Loki opened his eyes again, wide and stricken. “Oh my love, I’m so sorry.”

 

“It’s not your fault, darling. It’s just been…” A tear trickled down Tom’s cheek. “I’m just so glad you’re here.” He bowed his head and ran a hand back over Loki’s cheek. “I hope I haven’t finally gone mad and I'm just hallucinating you.”

 

Loki smiled. “I believe we’ve had this conversation before.”

 

“Yes.” Tom trailed his fingers through Loki’s disheveled hair, not minding the soot at all. “Can you stand yet, do you think?”

 

The god nodded. “I will certainly need your aid to do so.”

 

“Let’s get you sitting up first, yeah?” The pair struggled for a few minutes to get Loki upright and on his feet, and even then, he leaned heavily on Tom. “Upstairs isn’t going to happen. I can put you in the guest room.”

 

The god nodded once. “Stay with me?”

 

“Of course, love.”

 

Loki was shaking violently by the time they reached the small spare room. He slumped onto the bed, collapsed backwards, breathing hard. “I shall never attempt interdimensional travel without the Tesseract again.”

 

Tom giggled. “I’m not letting you out of my sight, so you’d better not.”

 

Loki smiled, eyes closed. “I will not leave your side.”

 

Tom laughed. “I won’t ask you to swear it.”

 

The god chuckled. “We both know how valid my oaths are. But I do tell you, beloved, I shall not leave you.”

 

Tom smiled. “Good. Now let’s get you out of those grubby leathers.” He found the fastenings easily enough - they were where he remembered them being from when he wore the costume - and helped Loki peel out of the tattered tunic, boots, and trousers. Now clothed in black pants - which Tom realized were a pair of _his_ boxer briefs - and nothing else, Loki lay breathing on the bed. Bruises mottled the god’s skin, along his back and in a ring around his neck. Tom frowned at the deep purple smudges; they looked like a handprint. “Doing alright?”

 

The god nodded. “Exhausted though.”

 

“I’m not surprised. This seems like it was a lot more difficult than coming here using the Tesseract.”

 

Loki nodded again.

 

“Budge up a bit. Let’s get you under the duvet at least.”

 

Once the god was parallel on the bed, Tom draped the covers over him and kissed his forehead.

 

“Stay?”

 

“Let me tidy the other room. I’ll be back in a moment.”

 

Loki nodded. Tom could almost watch the god’s verbal skills diminish by the second.

 

He made sure the door was locked, put his keys away, and retrieved his food and a fork to eat it with. When he returned to the spare room, he found Loki breathing soft and deep, eyes closed against the world. He reacted to Tom’s weight on the bed by shifting a little closer, and a smile played at the corners of his mouth.

 

Tom picked at his now-lukewarm noodles and brushed Loki’s hair away from his face. He smiled down at his love. He couldn’t keep himself from touching the god constantly to reassure himself that Loki was really, actually there, that Tom wasn’t just dreaming.

 

His mobile buzzed quietly in the near silence. It was Ben.

 

 _How are you doing?_  

 

Tom hesitated. _Better._

 

_Really?_

 

Tom laughed. _Loki just appeared in my sitting room._  

 

_WHAT???_

 

_He got back somehow. He’s in bad shape, but he’s alive._

 

The silence that followed was long enough for Tom to eat about half his food and reassure himself that Loki was still there and breathing half a dozen times.

 

_May I come over?_

 

_Of course._

_I’d like a second opinion._

_To be certain I’m not mental._

 

_Happy to oblige. I’ll be over shortly._

 

Tom smiled at set his mobile on the nightstand, finished his Phad Thai, and curled around Loki’s sleeping body. The god was reassuringly warm, his breath soft and deep.

 

A few minutes later, there was a soft knock at the door. Tom got up, careful not to disturb Loki, and went to answer it.

 

“Hey.”

 

“Come in.” Tom waved Ben into the flat. “Be a bit quiet though, he’s sleeping.”

 

“Where is he?”

 

“In the spare room. He wasn’t in any shape to get upstairs and he’s too heavy for me to carry.”

 

“I’m fairly certain you could carry me up those stairs."

 

Tom chuckled and shook his head. “He weighs a lot more than either of us. Possibly put together.”

 

“Huh.” Ben slipped his jacket off and hung it on its customary hook. “May I?”

 

Tom nodded and Ben went over to the spare room door and peeked in. Loki’s head was clearly visible on the pillow, his hair a stark contrast against the white linens. “Wow. Okay, you’re officially not insane.”

 

Tom laughed quietly. “That’s a relief.” He closed the door and went over to the sofa. “I found him collapsed on the floor when I got home from work.”

 

“Did he tell you what happened?”

 

Tom shook his head. “Just that he had help.”

 

“Curious.”

 

“Very. I can’t wait for the full story on that.” As he spoke, Tom realized that even though he had given Ben the go ahead to come over, all he really wanted to do was go back to bed. Still, Ben was here, so Tom felt obligated to entertain his friend. “Did you want tea?”

 

“No.” Ben smiled and tilted his head to the door behind him. “I know you’d rather be in there with him. I’ll go.”

 

Tom winced. “I’m sorry.”

 

Ben patted his arm. “It’s alright. I understand.” He turned to go.

 

“Ben?”

 

The other actor turned back, eyebrow raised.

 

“He would… if you still want to… I... We’ll talk later, okay?”

 

Ben gave him a half smile. “Okay.” He grabbed his jacket and slipped out.

 

Relieved that his friend didn’t seem upset, Tom crawled back into bed, curled around his god and stroked Loki’s hair until he fell asleep himself. Together at last.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone is shocked by Loki being alive and back, you don't know who you're dealing with.


	4. Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Tom finds out what happened to Loki and they both apologize. A lot.

 

It didn’t surprise Tom at all that when he woke the next morning Loki was still asleep. He’d slept for over a day when he traveled to Tom’s realm bodily the first time and this had been far more difficult then the trip using the Tesseract. Tom wrote a quick note, just in case the god did wake, then went for a run. Loki was still sleeping when he returned. Still sleeping when he came back into the spare room with breakfast.

 

After he ate Tom snuggled down beside Loki with his laptop. He checked his emails while pressed up against the god’s side. He checked his Twitter account - and oh lord, his fans were _so_ distraught right now - and Tweeted something vague, but hopeful.

 

Loki stirred against him and whimpered. Tom set the computer aside and scooted down so that he lay beside the god. “Loki?” The god’s eyes were squeezed shut, his jaw ridgid. “Loki, wake up.”

 

“No no no no no.” The words flowed out of clenched teeth.

 

Tom slid his hand through Loki’s hair soothingly. “Wake up, you’re safe.”

 

“Please, no, please, I’ll do anything, please stop.”

 

“Loki, it’s okay, you’re safe.”

 

“Please don’t hurt him, please stop.”

 

Tom’s breath hitched. “Loki, it’s okay. Thor is safe. You’re fine. You can wake up now.”

 

“I’m sorry. My beloved, I’m so sorry I left you. I was wrong. I’m sorry I’m sorry.”

 

Tom started. He knew those words. Had heard them in his dreams over and over. “Loki, please wake up for me, darling. You’re safe.” He pressed a kiss to the god’s muttering lips, and drew Loki flush against his chest. “Please wake up.”

 

Loki gasped a deep wracking breath, and stilled. “Tom?”

 

“I’m here, love.”

 

“Oh thank the Norns.” He took another deep breath and let it out slowly. Tom could feel the god’s eyelashes flutter against his cheek. A long, heavy arm wrapped around his back. “I feared I had dreamt returning to you.”

 

Tom pulled away so he could focus on Loki’s face and smiled into the god’s eyes. “You made it. Unless we’re both dreaming.”

 

Loki trailed shaking fingertips over Tom's jaw and smiled. “Then it is a good dream.”

 

Tom pulled back a bit. “Did you just quote _Lord of the Rings_?”

 

Loki blinked. “This is a tale I’m unfamiliar with.”  

 

“Never mind, it’s not important. You’re home now, that’s all that matters.”

 

Loki smiled. “Home?”

 

“If that’s what you want.”

 

“I would like nothing better.”

 

Tom smiled wryly. “Nothing?”

 

Loki chuckled and brushed Tom’s cheekbone with his fingertips. “Home and everything that comes with it.” He sighed and laid his hand along Tom’s neck. “I have not had a proper home in many, many years.”

 

“You have one with me.”

 

Loki smiled like sunshine and laid a chaste kiss on Tom’s lips, then frowned. “I should never have left you, even for a moment.”

 

“I understand why you did.”

 

“Still, I should have listened more closely to what you were not telling me.”

 

Tom shrugged. “It doesn’t matter now. You’re home and safe.”

 

“I am.”

 

“Do you need anything? More water? Food?”

 

Loki nodded. “Yes to both please, beloved.”

 

“Do you need protein like before?”

 

“Yes.” The god sighed. “I’m afraid I exhausted all of my seidr reserves and more besides. It shall be a while before I can perform more than the most simple of spells.”

 

“Okay, I’ll go get you something. I’ll be right back.” Tom kissed Loki’s forehead and extracted himself from the god’s embrace and the bed.

 

When he returned a few minutes later with food and water, Loki had fallen back asleep. Tom brushed Loki’s cheek with the back of his hand and his eyes fluttered open. He smiled at Tom and struggled to sit himself up. Tom propped the extra pillows behind him, then sat down. He handed Loki a plate. “I’m afraid I don’t have a tray or anything to make this easier for you.”

 

“I shall be fine.” Loki attacked the food with a careful, neat ferocity that spoke of an intense hunger and the awareness of how badly eating could affect the body when starved. “Thank you, beloved. Excellent as always.”

 

“You’re being far too nice to me.”

 

The god cocked an eyebrow at his human. “You think I should be cruel to you?”

 

“I… I still feel terrible for not telling you that… that you were going home to die.”

 

“We are both at fault, my love. I should have never paid mind to that dream and left you. I walked straight into a trap because of my fears.” He took a bite. “Let’s not dwell on who may or may not be to blame. I am simply happy to be alive and back with you once again.”  

 

Tom sighed and leaned against the other’s shoulder. “You’re right, of course. How did you escape? I know you had an opportunity to get away.”

 

“Indeed. My initial idea was to escape in the smaller ship, but I had no need to do so, as it turned out.”

 

“Wouldn’t it have been destroyed immediately?”

 

“Assuming it was intact at all, I was going to let it free of the ship and allow it drift with the wreckage until the Titan left.”

 

Tom chuckled. “We should watch the _Star Wars_ films.”

 

Loki raised an eyebrow at the mortal and took another bite. “In any case, as I was attempting to make my escape, I was confronted by… well, me.”

 

Tom sat up a little straighter. “What?”

 

“The multiverse is a strange place, beloved.” Loki set his fork aside and brushed his fingers over Tom’s cheek. “I had... well. I had tried to reach out to you as I waited, knowing that I may die at any moment. I wanted to at least say goodbye.”

 

“I… I think I may have heard you.”

 

Loki’s eyebrows went up. “Did you? That’s most interesting. And unexpected. I was certain I’d failed to make any connection with you, but it appears that my assumptions were wrong. On several counts.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“As there are many Lokis in the multiverse, and apparently there are also many Toms.”

 

Tom frowned. “But you and I are different versions of the same thing, aren’t we? I mean, that’s what you and Dr. Strange thought.”

 

“Indeed.” Loki nodded. “But apparently in an infinite multiverse, there are realms where we coexist. I inadvertently reached out to the wrong you in one of those worlds.”

 

“But… Alright, that’s just odd.”

 

“I agree, but I’m most pleased that it happened, since it ultimately allowed me to return to you. It is one of the few errors in my life that I do not regret.” Loki smiled, the skin around his eyes crinkling. It occurred to Tom that Loki looked older than he had seen the god before, closer to Tom’s nearly 40 than the late 20s he’d appeared when they first met. Could the god have notably aged in just a few hours? Perhaps it was the stress of the journey, or using too much magic drained him.

 

“So you reached out to another Tom and _his_ Loki showed up?”

 

The god grinned. “Indeed. He was most wroth with me. Their relationship was… rather different than ours, I believe. A more possessive creature with a great deal more power than myself.”

 

Tom shivered. “What did he say?”

 

“He threatened to kill me, naturally.”

 

“Naturally.”

 

“Which given the circumstances was a significantly better option than being tortured to death by the Titan, so his threats had little impact.” Tom winced and rubbed his throat, his eyes flicked to the bruises on Loki’s neck. The god’s eyes followed to the motions. “Ah.” He leaned over and kissed Tom’s temple. “So my ‘death’ was quick.”

 

Tom tilted his head to the side. “I wouldn’t say quick, but faster than Svartalfheim.”

 

Loki grimaced. “Being impaled is most unpleasant; I don’t recommend it.”

 

“I do want to talk about that at some point, but for the moment, go on with your story.”

 

The god nodded. “When my reflection recognized that he had no power over me, he decided that bargaining was a better option than simply murdering me.”

 

“So you bargained to come back here?”

 

Loki shook his head. “I didn’t even recognize that as an option.”

 

Tom started. “What did you ask for then?”

 

“That the other Loki release his mortal from the bonds he’d imposed on him.”

 

Tom blinked. “That… that’s sweet.”

 

Color touched Loki’s cheeks and he looked away, avoiding Tom’s gaze. “I thought it was what you would have wanted. For your other self to have a choice.”

 

“I’d rather have you back, you silly git.” Tom nudged the god’s arm with his own.

 

Loki chuckled, then sobered. “I thought that there was no hope for myself, so I intended to do my best for this other ‘you’. I have no doubt that he will rejoin himself to his God, but he’d been born a slave, which I could not abide.”

 

Tom shivered again. “A slave?”

 

“As I said, they had a very different relationship.”

 

“Clearly.”

 

Loki sighed. “We came to an agreement. I severed the connection I had inadvertently created, and he did the same.”

 

Tom winced. “That probably hurt.”

 

“It did.” Loki absently rubbed the back of his head. “Before he departed, the reflection bestowed some of his power on me. He was readily able to travel between dimensions, and he gave me the ability to do so for a limited time. So, once I had made sure no one was looking for me, I returned here.”

 

Tom nodded and leaned against Loki’s shoulder. “What did you do? Did you send a duplicate to go deal with Tha… the Titan?”

 

Loki nodded. “I thought it best that I did not simply vanish. It made for a good distraction as I escaped.”

 

“That’s not an ability that we’d established already for me. You. Whichever.”

 

“No?”

 

Tom shook his head. “No. Mostly illusions.”

 

Loki snorted. “A duplicate is merely a solid illusion.”

 

“Which can hold a soul.”

 

“Well yes, but only temporarily.” Loki yawned. “I am eager to hear of what has happened in the weeks since I left you, but I’m afraid I must sleep again.”

 

“Of course, love. Whatever you need.” Loki nodded and scooted back down so that he lay with his head on the pillow. Tom pulled the duvet up over the god’s shoulders and kissed his temple. “Sleep well.”

 

Loki sighed with contentment, smiled, and drifted back to slumber.

 


	5. Clean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there are more explanations, more apologizing, and some theories.

 

 

Tom remained curled up at Loki’s side throughout most of the day. He reviewed scripts, sent emails, texted his friends and family. He texted Chris to let him know that Loki was back, but didn’t really expect an immediate response. The Australian was filming somewhere on the other side of the planet and was an erratic correspondent at the best of times.

 

 _You seem to be doing better, what’s up?_ Emma texted after he’d sent her a message to apologize for being rude to her the day before.

 

_I am. It’s complicated though._

 

_Oh! New potential girlfriend?_

 

He laughed out loud, but didn’t put that his response. _Not exactly, but close._

 

_Boyfriend?_

 

_Yes, and not exactly new._

 

_Anyone I know?_

 

He paused. How to answer a question like that? _You know of him, but no._

 

_I can’t wait to hear everything!!!_

 

Tom smiled. Of all his family, Emma had accepted his somewhat-confusing sexuality the best. Since he’d mostly dated women, it hadn’t been too much of an issue over the years, but his little sister’s solid acceptance was comforting.

 

_We’ll talk later. It’s REALLY complicated._

 

_Now I’m extra curious!_

 

Tom laughed again and set his mobile aside. Loki stirred against him, perhaps reacting to his movement. He ran a hand over the god’s hair. Loki pushed his head back against Tom’s touch and opened his eyes.

 

“Sorry I woke you.”

 

Loki shook his head. “It is wonderful to wake up beside you once more, to hear your laughter.”

 

Tom smiled. “How are you feeling?”

 

“Better now. In desperate need of a bath, I’m afraid.”

 

“You did get very dirty.” Tom wiped a smudge from Loki’s jaw. “Are you up for the stairs?”

 

The god sat up, wobbling only a little as he did. “I believe so.” He stretched, hands above his head. “Food and rest have been restorative.”

 

Tom admired Loki’s long, lean torso and reflected, not for the first time, that his feelings towards the god were distinctly narcissistic. At least in terms of his physical attraction. Loki caught his eye and smiled. “Time for that soon enough.”

 

Tom blushed. “You’re tired, I know.”

 

“I’m not so exhausted that I do not desire you.” He leaned in and kissed Tom. “However, I’ve no wish to transfer this dirt to your lovely form, and I believe that bathing will also be somewhat restorative.”

 

Tom nodded. “I always feel more human after I’ve taken a shower when I’ve been feeling poorly.”

 

“I very much doubt I shall feel ‘human’ - nor do I wish to - but better, yes.”

 

The actual human chuckled. “Indeed.”

 

Tom got to his feet and came around to Loki’s side of the bed. “Let’s get you up.” Tom helped Loki up, pleased at how little support the god needed. Mostly he kept a hand on Tom’s shoulder as they made their way upstairs. “You nicked my pants.”

 

Loki chuckled. “You allowed your beard to grow back.”

 

“Couldn’t be arsed maintain it.” The “you weren’t here to keep clean-shaven for” went unsaid.

 

“It does look well on you, though I prefer you without.”

 

Tom nodded. “I wasn’t sure if you liked it or not.”

 

“It… brings up memories.”

 

“Ah.” Tom squeezed Loki’s hand where it rested on his shoulder. “Do you regret leaving him behind?”

 

Loki stilled. “No.”

 

“I sense a ‘but’ in there.”

 

“I cannot return. I haven’t explored this, but I believe that I am permanently cut off my home realm. At least without outside aid, and that is thin in this realm. I feel… adrift. I do regret that I will never see my brother again, but I would so much rather be here with you that I cannot mourn that choice.”

 

“It’s alright if you do. Mourn that choice, I mean. I know you love him.”

 

Loki smiled at him and started walking again. “You are very understanding.”

 

Tom hesitated. “I’ve been thinking a lot about what you told me, about Asgardian relationships.”

 

Loki cocked an eyebrow. “And?”

 

“It makes a great deal of sense.” Tom shrugged and tugged at his collar with the hand not covering Loki’s. “I’ve come to understand that your feelings for one lover don’t have to interfere with your feelings for another.”

 

The god gave him a small half smile. “Your friend Ben has made overtures, has he not?”

 

Tom blushed and nodded. “While you were… away. I told him I wasn’t ready for that. I was mourning you, after all.”

 

Loki’s face fell and he kissed Tom’s cheek. “I am sorry.”

 

“It’s alright.”

 

“It is not. I regret any pain I’ve put you through.” Loki leaned against the wall just outside Tom’s - _their_ \- bedroom. “I feel very foolish that I returned to my home realm just to walk into a trap. I don't even know who set the trap.”

 

Tom blinked. “I thought you said that Thanos sent the dream.”

 

“That is what I assumed, but after speaking with the Titan, I don’t believe he realized that I had quit that universe to travel to yours. I’ve no doubt he would have tracked us down eventually, since I had the Tesseract, but I now distrust that he sent the dream.”

 

“Huh.” Tom frowned. “I wonder…”

 

“You have a theory, beloved?”

 

“Dr. Strange.”

 

Loki’s eyebrows flew up. “That half-baked sorcerer?”

 

“He’s more powerful than you give him credit for, love. Besides, who else knew that you’d even been here?”

 

Loki nodded with a show of reluctance. “I dislike the idea that he succeeded in getting the better of me.” He pushed away from the wall and made his careful way into the bedroom.

 

Tom walked beside him, hand out to steady the god if needed. “It just makes a lot of sense to me.”

 

“I have a feeling you’re not telling me something again.”

 

Tom was silent for a moment. “We might want to go to the cinema later.”

 

Loki looked at Tom with wide eyes. “You believe I should see your most recent film?”

 

Tom reached out and toyed with one of Loki’s loose curls. He focused  on the god’s hair, avoiding his eyes. “It might help explain things.”

 

Loki ran a hand through his hair on the opposite side. “I… I will consider it.”

 

“You could just read the script instead, but I think seeing it would be better.” He glanced up and met the god’s wild gaze. “Then again, it might not be for the best.” Tom rubbed his throat and looked away.

 

Loki shuddered and sat down on the bed. He shook his head and looked up at Tom. “Might I have a brief explanation instead?”

 

“Ummm… time manipulation.”

 

Loki frowned. “What do you mean?”

 

The actor sighed heavily. “In the film, Dr. Strange uses the Time Stone to see into the possible futures in order to discern - and create - the best possible scenario.”

 

The god laid his hand over his chin, one finger over his lips. His eyes flicked back and forth rapidly. “In order to achieve the requirements for victory against the Titan, I needed to be present in my home realm.”

 

Tom nodded, then shrugged. “It’s a theory.”

 

Loki’s lip curled. “I still don’t appreciate being manipulated.”

 

“No one does, darling.” Tom looked closely at the god again. “If you didn’t go back to face the Titan yourself, where did those bruises come from?”

 

Loki trailed a light finger over this throat. “Ah. That would have been my other self.”

 

“He tried to _strangle_ you?”

 

“When one is unarmed and possessed of superior strength, going for the throat is an excellent option to quickly dispatch your enemy.” Loki smiled at Tom’s wide eyes. “And if one is not certain if it is truly your enemy, strangulation can be performed so as to not cause any permanent damage.”

 

Tom shook his head. “I didn’t really need to know any of that.”

 

“You did ask.”

 

“I suppose I did.” The actor held out a hand. “Come on. Shower time.” Loki took his hand and Tom pulled the god to his to his feet. “Let’s get that dirt off of you.”

 

Loki scrubbed his free hand through his hair and grimaced. “Yes. I wish to be free of the last taint of my former realm.”

 

Tom nodded. “Let’s get you clean.”

  



	6. Joined

 

God and human lay curled up together in Tom’s oversized bed, clean and replete. Loki dozed against Tom’s shoulder as the actor ran his fingers through the god’s now-shining black locks. He’d loved having his hands buried in Loki’s hair again, having an excuse to touch every inch of his skin. Not that Loki would have objected anyway, but helping the god to bathe was a wholly intimate experience. As was watching Loki shave his beard off. The god had produced a straight razor from his pocket dimension and oh so carefully removed the red-gold bristles. That wasn’t a kink that Tom had ever felt before - and he’d been shaved by others many times - but the knowledge that this incredibly dangerous man held a blade to his throat and simply used it to shave away the memory of a former lover… It took his breath away.

 

As did the  slow, soft reacquainting that followed. Only hours had passed for Loki since their last time together but for Tom, it was like coming home. He felt more relaxed, and better than he had in weeks, which made sense, but he wasn’t expecting the transformation to be quite so total.

 

Then it hit him as to what was actually different - other than the obvious fact of Loki’s return - and he started and sat up straighter, which dislodged Loki from his comfortable sprawl.

 

Tom’s headache was gone.

 

“Beloved?”

 

He looked down at Loki’s face. “Did you put our link back?”

 

The god sat up slightly. “I’d intended to speak with you regarding it before I did so.”

 

Tom rubbed the back of his head. “I think it’s back.”

 

Loki sat up the rest of the way and frowned in a way that Tom recognized as the god accessing his magical senses on a deep level. He looked at Tom helplessly. “It has been restored. My apologies. It was entirely unconscious on my part.”

 

“When did it happen?”

 

“Most likely in the heat of passion.” Loki offered a small, sheepish smile. “My control wasn't at its best.”

 

Tom laughed. “I’m not cross. I was going to ask you to put it back as it was. I missed it.”

 

Loki smiled and let out the breath he’d been holding. “I wished to discuss with you the full ramifications of such a bonding before instituting it once more. After having recently taken one of my other selves to task for having done something similar, it would be disingenuous of me to do otherwise.”

 

“It hurt when it went away.”

 

“I am sorry.”

 

Tom shrugged. “I think I understand. You were just trying to protect me.”

 

“I was. Selfishly, but I was attempting to keep you from harm.”

 

“I don’t know that keeping your loved ones safe can be considered selfish.”

 

Loki lifted his shoulders and let them fall. “It’s of little consequence now. You feel its presence?”

 

Tom rubbed the base of his skull. “I think so. It’s more that the pain of it being gone is well, gone. But it feels… warm.”

 

“Have you been practicing your seidr manipulation while I was gone?”

 

Tom shook his head and looked away. “It reminded me too much of you.”

 

Loki made a strangled noise and pulled Tom towards him, arms wrapped around the actor’s shoulders. “I’m so sorry. I wish I could have kept you from this pain.”

 

Tom returned the embrace and tucked his face against the god’s neck. “It’s okay. You’re home now.”

 

“I should never have left you.” Loki’s grip tightened.

 

“It’s alright.” Tom stroked his back soothingly. “We can go over this again and again. It won’t change anything. Yes, it hurt, and I missed you terribly. Mourned you. But I knew that there was always a chance you’d leave and go back home.” Loki made a sound of protest. “Back to your original universe,” Tom amended. “I was attempting to save you, save the Nine Realms, that whole universe by, well, seducing you. It was a gamble. A huge one. But I was selfish enough to fall in love with you, and that love became everything to me. I should have just told you the truth and sent you along with the Tesseract.”

 

Loki pulled away and looked Tom squarely in the face. “Please don’t talk like that. I wouldn’t trade your love for anything.” He looked down. “You helped me so much. Kept me sane. Helped me heal. To feel some measure of compassion again.”

 

Tom made a pained noise in the back of his throat. “But you see, I thought that was part of the problem. I was convinced you’d died _because_ of that measure of compassion. I knew you’d sacrifice yourself and I encouraged that part of you. When I realized that if I’d just tried to make you more of a selfish bastard instead of just trying to keep you here with me…” Tom took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I would have let that whole universe burn if it would have meant keeping you safe.”

 

Loki chuckled and put his hand on Tom’s neck. “I’m still a selfish creature, beloved. Never doubt that.” He pulled Tom close and kissed him. “And I greatly appreciate your… ruthless streak. But we can go over this again and again and never resolve it. What happened, happened. We do not have the Eye of Agamotto; we cannot go back and change things. We are together again. No one will come looking for me since they believe me dead. I grieve having caused you pain, but we have our whole lives ahead of us.”

 

Tom smiled, but the smile quickly faded. “What will you do once I’m gone?”

 

Loki shook his head. “I have been thinking on that. It will not happen for many many decades, and if I can teach you sufficient seidr, it may be centuries.”

 

Tom’s eyes went wide. “Centuries?”

 

“A human with ample access to magic and who possesses adequate control over that magic can live for almost as long as a god. At least, that has been the case in the Midgard from my previous universe.”

 

The human’s eyes moved rapidly and he rubbed his freshly shaved chin. “There are legends of ancient kings and magicians living for centuries or even thousands of years in many different mythologies.”

 

Loki nodded and his shoulders shed a bit of tension that Tom hadn’t realized they’d held. “Most likely these ancients were tapping into the magical power your realm holds. Or having it fed to them by others with the ability.”

 

“Can you do that?”

 

“Of course, but you will be able to as well. You’ve shown a remarkable aptitude for seidr manipulation for a human, and with study, may become a master.”

 

Tom grinned. “I never thought I’d have second career as a wizard. Unless I got a role in a Potterverse film, of course.”

 

Loki raised an eyebrow. “I clearly have a great deal to learn about your culture. I would be teaching you to be a seidrmadr, which is its own type of ‘wizard’, since that is the discipline I was taught. But once you can control the magical energies of your realm, there are many options for what you can do with it.”

 

“Like living for centuries?”

 

“Keeping your body healthy will likely be the easiest for you, given your innate ability to draw power into yourself.”

 

“I don’t know if it’s innate or not.” Tom sat up a little more, and folded his limbs into a lotus position. “I’ve practiced yoga for many years, which is where I learned breath control. It’s one of the planet’s oldest spiritual traditions - though westerners practice an adulterated version - so it’s possible that I learned to do it that way.”

 

Loki shook his head. “If you did not have the ability, no amount of breath control would aid you. You would breathe well, but it would do nothing to pull the inherent magic of the universe into you. I suspect - though I cannot know for certain - that all ‘Lokis’ have magic of one sort or another, and that it is related to our parallel nature.” The god reached out and ran his fingers over Tom’s cheekbone. “You have this power; it’s _yours._  You have only gained tools to utilize it without realizing it.”

 

Tom shrugged, then nodded. “I enjoyed learning from you, before you left. I would like to do that again, and if it will mean that we can be together for longer, all the better.”  

 

Loki smiled and stroked the mortal’s cheek. “I would be with you as long as we are both able, beloved. You may tire of my presence after a century or two, however.”

 

Tom laughed and pulled the god into a tight hug. “Anything is possible, but I doubt it. I’ve thought a lot about what it would be like to live for centuries, and it seemed to me that love would be a constant.”

 

“That’s a curious statement.”

 

“One of the ‘other mes’ you encountered, the vampire, do you remember him?”

 

Loki nodded. “The creature of death and time, yes, I recall. He was the first I encountered other than yourself. What of him?”

 

“He had lived for hundreds of years, though his lover was thousands of years old.” He cupped Loki’s cheek. “The greatest lesson she taught him was love. They loved each other so much, even after decades and decades of being husband and wife. Even in the face of a world that he hated, love kept him alive.”

 

Loki nodded slowly and pressed his face to Tom’s hand, then turned to kiss his palm. “It’s a lovely sentiment, beloved, though I sense there is more to that tale.”

 

“Surprisingly little, given everything, but yes, a bit more.” Loki raised an inquiring eyebrow, and Tom continued. “He became disillusioned with humanity over the years. Thought they were spoiling everything.”

 

“Do you believe the same would happen to you?”

 

Tom shrugged and shook his head. “We need help, as a species, but I believe in kindness and love, that those will ultimately save us.”

 

Loki smiled. It was a little sad. “You are such a good man. How did you ever come to care for me?”

 

Tom laughed, but it was sad too. “I understand you. I know why you’re angry and bitter. Why you lash out. It’s not because you have a… an ‘evil’ nature. You’re not a monster, Loki, no matter what you think. You’ve been hurt and betrayed by those you love, and that’s hard. So hard you broke up against it. All I want is for you to heal.”

 

The god bowed his head and sniffed. “Hey, look at me.” Loki looked up again and wiped the tears from his eyes. “It’s okay to cry, love. You don’t ever have to hide from me.”

 

“You are too good to me.” Loki leaned his head on Tom’s shoulder. “I don’t deserve you.”

 

“Hey, none of that. No more blame, alright?”

 

“It… it is not a matter of blame. I _don’t_ deserve you. I am a wicked creature, and you are too perfect.”

 

Tom laughed. “Why do people keep saying that? I’m just a person. Just a man like any other.”

 

Loki let out a quick breath. “You are not. You are beautiful and intelligent and compassionate. These are rare things on their own, but put together... “ The god laced his fingers together and shoulders rose and fell. “Perfection.”

 

Tom sighed. “I’m lucky, yes. I know that. But Loki, part of the reason I love you - one of the many - is that you don’t treat me like… like some otherworldly being. I don’t want to be that.”

 

“Well, I _am_ a god, and you _are_ a mortal.”

 

Tom laughed and squeezed Loki’s shoulders. “Exactly.”

 

The god looked up through his hair and gave Tom a mischievous smile. “Perhaps you like my broken edges?”

 

Tom’s eyebrows went up and he shivered. “I like everything I’ve seen of you, the wicked and the divine,” he replied. He tried to keep his voice even, but it came out breathy.

 

Loki tilted his head up more and spoke quietly into the mortal’s ear. “I have a great deal to offer that you have not yet seen, beloved. So many things.”

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I rather feel like I'm standing on top of a chair and shouting: "EVERYTHING IS TOTALLY FINE!!!!" over and over again. But hey, I think we all need that.


	7. Confession

 

 

Ben was sitting on his sofa with a cuppa when his mobile rang. He glanced at the screen in mild surprise, then answered. “Chris?” 

 

“Hey, how are things going?” The connection was spotty and the Australian’s voice crackled with static. 

 

“Fine. Did Tom reach out to you?”

 

“Yeah. Is it true or has he finally lost it?” 

 

Ben chuckled. “It’s true, Loki’s back.”   
  


“How is that even possible?”

 

Ben shrugged, though of course Chris couldn’t see it. “How was it possible to begin with? We’re dealing with so many levels of impossible that I’ve stopped trying to understand it.” 

 

“Yeah, fair enough. It’s just that… well. You know.” 

 

“Yup. I haven’t heard from Tom since this morning, so I’m not sure if Loki’s woken up yet and explained what happened.”

 

“What time is it there?”

 

“Half seven.” 

 

“Ah. Glad I didn’t call in the middle of the night.” 

 

Ben laughed. “Time zones.” 

 

“Yeah. How is Tom?”

 

“Better. I’d never seen him so gutted before. Now though, it’s clear he still feels guilty, but I think he’s pretty chuffed.” 

 

“What about you? Are you okay?”

 

Ben hesitated. “What do you mean?” 

 

“I’m not an idiot, Ben.” 

 

“I…”

 

“Oh for fuck’s sake. I assume you talked to Sophie after Loki vanished, yes?”

 

Ben swallowed. “Yes.”

 

“And?”

 

“She was fine with me being with Tom as well.” 

 

“I thought so.” 

 

“Chris…”

 

“No judgement, mate.”

 

“I… thanks.”

 

“No worries. I get it.” 

 

“Don’t tell me he’s gotten to you too.”

 

The Australian laughed. “He’s really not my type, but I do get it.” 

 

Ben rubbed his forehead. “Now that Loki’s back, I don’t know what will happen with all of that. He - Tom - actually seems more okay with the idea now, so we’ll see.” 

 

“He’s… I wouldn’t think Loki would be okay with sharing.” 

 

“Me neither. We haven’t really talked about it much. At all, really.” 

 

“Well for fuck’s sake, talk about it.”

 

Ben chuckled again. “That’s the plan. I imagine Tom’s getting his brains shagged out at the moment, assuming Loki’s awake, so it will be a while.” 

 

“Bloody hell, I really didn’t need that image.” 

 

“You brought it up.” 

 

“I did not bring up Tom rooting his own character!” 

 

“By extension.” 

 

Chris sighed heavily. “Fine. Whatever does it for you.” 

 

Ben was about to object, but realized that Chris was right. “There is that.”

 

“TMI, mate.” 

 

“Sorry.” 

 

“Anyways, I’ve got to get some rest, but thanks for confirming that Tom’s not mental.” 

 

“No more than usual, anway.” 

 

Chris laughed. “G’night.” 

 

“Goodnight, Chris.” 

 

Ben disconnected the call and stared at his texts from Tom for a moment. 

 

_ Let me know when you’re free. _ He hit send and went back to his tea. 

 


	8. Magic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for very minor self-harm in this chapter.

 

Loki was still asleep when Tom awoke in the morning. The god lay spooned against Tom’s back, like he always had before, and Tom melted into the embrace. He had adjusted to sleeping alone again after Loki left, but he was so glad to feel the warm weight of the god once more. He could barely believe it was real. None of it had ever really felt real, except for the bone deep conviction that Tom’d always felt, even against logic and sanity.

 

It was still early, and Tom had no desire to leave the circle of Loki’s arms, thought he really should get up and go for a run. He had no idea when the god might wake; he was still exhausted from the trip and, took the opportunity to nap whenever not actively engaged in anything else.

 

Tom thought it was adorable.

 

Of course, he was biased. He suspected that most people would not find an individual with multiple attempts at world domination on their CV “adorable.” Terrifying, yes. But not adorable.

 

He shifted around to ease his back, which had been twinging for a couple of days. _I’m getting old. Hrm, I wonder if magic would help with that?_ He could feel a steady flow of Loki’s seidr seeping into his skin. It was still much weaker than it had been before the god left, but Tom could feel it growing stronger with each day.

 

Tom set himself the task of breathing power through his body. It was more difficult, since he ways laying on his side, and he had no desire to get up. He focused inwards, then moved his locus of attention to the spot on his back that pained him. In theory, the muscle fibers were torn, but muscles did that all the time, and healed stronger. He turned all of his awareness towards that spot on his back and breathed.

 

When he opened his eyes again, the sky had grown lighter and the pain in his back had eased.  

 

“Well done.”

 

“Loki?” Tom shifted onto his back. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

 

“I’m glad I did awaken. That was excellent, beloved.” Loki smiled down at him. “I was going to teach you a similar technique for healing yourself, but I’m quite pleased that you came to it on your own.”

 

“You said I should be able to use magic to keep myself healthy,” Tom shrugged. “It just seemed logical.”

 

“As usual, you sell your abilities short. I am very proud of you.”

 

Tom blushed. “Thank you.”

 

“I must teach you to perceive currents of power outside of yourself. Soon. That should make things much easier. You sense the power within yourself as a physical feeling, yes?”

 

The human nodded. ”As heat or cold, mostly. Though I feel your power as pleasure.”

 

Loki grinned. “I am aware.”

 

Tom blushed harder. “How do you perceive it?”

 

Loki tapped his lips with a long finger. “I feel it as sensation, much as you do, but I also ‘see’ it, though it is not quite like seeing things in the physical world. I can perceive magical energies through solid objects, for instance. In the beginning it may seem like vision, but before long you will come to recognize it as its own unique sense, similar to but unlike any other.”

 

Tom nodded. “Like when we were in Egypt.”

 

“Precisely. There are currents of power everywhere, even on your mind-blind planet.”

 

“Mind-blind?”

 

“Apologies, that was quite rude.”

 

Tom laughed. “I don’t think the insult really translated, love.”

 

“That’s probably for the best.”

 

“So how will you teach me to see magic? It’s not as if I can change my eyes.”

 

“Your eyes already see, it’s your mind that does not comprehend. I can demonstrate for you through my own perceptions. You shall learn by example.”

 

“You mean like when we were sharing a body before?”

 

Loki nodded. “Even so. I can allow you access to my senses or impose them on yours, the choice is yours.”

 

“Umm… Can I try both?”

 

“If you wish.” Loki sat up. The duvet pooled around his waist, revealing the long lines of his muscular torso. “You should assume your normal meditation posture.”

 

“Now? You want to do this now?”

 

Loki raised an eyebrow. “What better time?”

 

Tom’d had other ideas for the morning’s activities. But he shrugged and pulled himself up into a lotus position so that he was facing the god.

 

Loki put one hand on his. “Close your eyes for a moment. Don’t open them until I say.”

 

Tom closed his eyes as instructed. He could feel Loki’s presence in his mind more strongly now. Like they were pressed against one another rather than sitting side by side. The sensation grew stronger, and he felt himself pulled towards Loki. Then stronger still. Then, when it seemed impossible that they could grow closer than they already were, their two forms _overlapped_ in Tom’s perception. It was almost like putting on a costume; he _was_ Loki, but also still himself.

 

_Open your eyes._

 

Tom obeyed.

 

The world sparkled. The effect was faint, but a golden haze formed a halo over everything in their room, getting fainter the further from the bed it got. Loki’s eyes were closed, a small frown on his brows, but he was smiling. Tom focused on the god; just past the edge of his vision - almost as if it were too small, or too distant, or too dim, only also unlike any of these - there was was something beneath the god’s skin. The longer Tom looked, the more he saw. Gold and green glittered under the alabaster surface like strands of gemstones along the god’s bones. The glowing gems were moving, slowly, but steadily. Like jewel-tone lava, or flowing ice. It was beautiful.

 

“Wow.”

 

_The light you see should be stronger than it is right now, but as I said, the trip here drained my reserves._

 

It seemed plenty bright to Tom.

 

Loki made a gesture with his right hand and green light flared around it, a flash of rainbow iridescence under the green. One of Loki’s daggers appeared in the god's hand. _Observe._ The god drew the blade across his own forearm, slicing into his skin. The cut wasn’t deep, but the blood poured from the gash.

 

Tom gasped. “What are you doing?”

 

 _Be calm and observe._ Loki’s mental voice showed no sign of pain, so Tom focused on the angry-looking cut. A moment later, green and gold light seeped out  from the nearby bones and surrounded the wound. The bleeding stopped, and the flesh began to sew itself closed as Tom watched. _I have set layers of spells on myself so that this is a completely automatic response. If I am wounded and unconscious, I will heal more slowly, but I will still heal._

 

“That’s how you survived being impaled.”

 

Loki smiled and nodded, eyes still closed. _Even so. My body will simply repair itself given sufficient reserves of magic. It took many decades of study and practice to achieve this, but given how often I became injured during my youth, it seemed a worthwhile effort._

 

“I can imagine.”

 

 _Naturally I am much more difficult to injure than a mortal, but life with Thor and his companions was always... rough and tumble._ Tom heard a hint of wistfulness in Loki’s tone, and moved one of his hands to cover the god’s where it lay in his lap. Loki’s lips twitched as Tom squeezed his hand. _I am fine, beloved._

 

“I know you miss him.”

 

 _I miss what we were long ago. I miss the days before…_ Loki’s breath hitched. _Before I knew what I was._  

 

Tom noticed Loki’s features crumple and a flicker of gold light shimmered over the god’s whole body. He wanted to ask Loki to show him his Jotun form, but knew that it was a bad idea. That was trauma that the god wasn’t prepared to deal with yet. He did need reassurance though. “I love what you are.”

 

_You may be the only one._

 

At least Loki believed him. “Me and thousands of fangirls. And boys.”

 

This startled a laugh out of the god. _Ah yes, my “army”, Given that they do not know I am anything more than you in a costume, I’m not sure that is valid._

 

“I’ll show you my Twitter feed later; you might change your mind.”

 

Loki raised an eyebrow. It looked a bit odd since the god’s eyes were still closed. _Is “Twitter” like “Tumblr”?_

 

Tom laughed. “Sort of.”

 

_There are so many ways of communicating in your realm. It’s very interesting. And useful, yes?_

 

“We’ll get you a smartphone soon. I’m sure you’ll enjoy it.”

 

_Ah, yes, I do recall “phones”. Highly advantageous devices. We could have used them in Asgard._

 

Tom giggled.

 

Loki tipped to his head to the side in what would have been an inquiring look, if he’d been looking.

 

“You’re wonderful.”

 

_That is not what you were laughing at, beloved._

 

“I was thinking about how alien you are, and at the same time how adaptable. I suspect that all of your knowledge of Earth’s tech is several years out of date and based on technology that doesn’t exist in my world.”

 

_Ah. Yes, that seems likely. However, given that I can pilot a spacecraft, I doubt I’ll have too much trouble adjusting._

 

“That’s part of why you’re wonderful.”

 

Loki grinned. _How do you feel?_

 

“What do you mean?”

 

_Are you experiencing any pain or fatigue?_

 

“No.”

 

_Excellent._

 

Tom felt Loki begin to pull away. “Wait!”

 

_Yes?_

 

“I want to try something.”

 

 _Very well_.

 

Tom leaned forward and kissed Loki, focusing on where their lips met. He was looking for the flash of magic that flared between them when they touched. With two points it always seemed to form a circuit, and he wanted to observe that. This time, his focus changed the reaction, and he could feel the power flowing _out_ of himself, rather than coming in. Loki gasped under his lips and kissed back with intent.

 

 _Was that by your design?_ The god’s mind voice became dark and velvety.

 

_No._

 

 _Fascinating_.

 

Loki’s hand tangled in Tom’s curls, pulling him closer, and a second set of physical senses joined the magical awareness. Tom could now feel Loki’s hand in his hair, both on his scalp, but also the warmth and silky softness against the god’s hand. He could feel both his own lips and Loki’s. Kissing and being kissed simultaneously and _twice_. The flood of intertwined sensations was overwhelming, and he moaned into the god’s mouth.

 

 _I like this. A lot._ Tom spoke mentally, only realizing he’d done so after he noticed he didn’t hear the words out loud.

 

Tom felt Loki’s smile against his lips. _I did think you might._ The god pushed him back against the pillows. _Only magicians who are intimately connected are capable of this. I’m most pleased that you can experience this with me so soon._

 

The human was beyond a verbal reply, and simply sent a vague affirmative with his mental speech and hoped Loki would catch it. The press of skin and magic deluged his mind and flooded his senses. Their touch sparked a feedback loop of pleasure and Tom could no longer  tell where he stopped and Loki began. They were one creature. Feeling and _feeling_. Hands and mouths on skin overwhelmed; there was no teasing, just intensity, and they spiralled out of control together in a whirlwind of chaos and delicious sensation.

 

When Tom came back to earth, he was once more alone in his own mind and his brain  fuzzed around the edges. “That was… extraordinary.”

 

“Mmm… Yes.” Loki pressed against his side. “But sharing does always ends too quickly.” Something about the way he said “sharing” made it sound like a euphemism, or possibly a technical term.  

 

“Not something for every day, certainly.”

 

Loki chuckled against Tom’s shoulder. “No. I’m pleased you feel that way. It can become… addictive.”

 

“Oh.” Tom idly wondered who Loki had done that with before. The god had only ever talked about one former lover, and Thor seemed an unlikely candidate. Loki was over a thousand years old, so it was likely he’d taken a fair number of lovers. Then again, they'd hardly gone through a roster of Tom's partners either. “Well I feel like I was hit by a bus made out of sex.”

 

The god laughed. “Not the most elegant analogy, but accurate.” He stroked Tom’s cheekbone with his thumb. It was a relief to only feel it from inside his own skin. “You continue to amaze me, beloved.”

 

“How so?”

 

“Your capabilities, but also your resistance to, shall we say, temptation.”

 

“I've had a lot of practice,” the actor muttered darkly.

 

Loki hummed and ran his hand up into Tom's hair. “I would imagine so. You are too good for this world.”

 

Tom sighed, but didn't argue. At some point he'd lose his temper with Loki and the god would realize that Tom was just like everyone else. At least Loki didn't treat him that differently. Well, he did, but Loki treated him like a person rather than something beneath his notice, which was how he treated Ben, the only other human Tom had seen the god interact with at length. Loki was probably still upset with the other actor over the whole “breaking in and spying” incident, which Tom had long ago forgiven.

 

Which reminded him…

 

“Love?”

 

“Hrmm?”

 

“We need to talk about Ben.”

 

“Ah. Yes.” Loki snuggled in a bit more.

 

“This isn’t…” Tom hesitated. “This isn’t easy for me to talk about.”

 

“Do not worry yourself, beloved. I'm amenable to whatever you wish.”

 

Tom paused. “Really?”

 

“Even if you wish to no longer continue our relationship - which I am certain is not the case - your happiness is my primary concern.” The god sat back so that they could make easy eye contact. “You should consider what you would prefer of me as well. I'm quite certain that given the opportunity, your friend would very much like to have both of us.”

 

Tom's eyes went wide. “Oh god.”

 

Loki grinned. “I take it the idea appeals to you.”

 

Tom graphically recalled the afternoon after the three of them had traveled with the Tesseract and he’d woken up pressed between Loki and Ben. It had been a transcendent feeling and the vivid fantasies that had come because of it still haunted him. He nodded, not trusting his voice.  

 

Loki's smile widened. “Excellent. I have not participated in such a union for centuries. I look forward to it.”

 

Tom’s eyes went even wider. “That may be the sexiest thing I’ve ever heard.”

 

Loki chuckled. “I very much doubt that.”

 

“It’s up there.”

 

“Then clearly I’m not trying hard enough.”

 

Tom rubbed the back of his head. “I think you’re underestimating how much I want the both of you.”

 

Loki’s eyes narrowed and he looked Tom over. “Oh, yes I do see. That is quite interesting.”

 

“What?”

 

“I’m uncertain how to explain. Suffice to say that - assuming your friend and his spouse agree to everything - it will be an excellent state of affairs for you.”

 

Tom frowned. “I still don’t get it.”

 

Loki rubbed his chin. “You have never been with two partners at once, before, correct?”

 

Tom shook his head. “I could have, but it would have been a one-night affair, and I decided a long time ago to not have sex with people I didn’t have feelings for.”

 

The god nodded. “But you find the idea most appealing?”

 

“Oh god yes. I almost jumped the both of you when we woke up on the sofa together.”

 

“Yes, I recall.” Loki gave him a wicked smile. “You experienced something… different then, did you not?”

 

“I did, yes. It was odd. It was like… Like I was expecting addition and got multiplication instead.”

 

Loki nodded as if this confusing sentence made perfect sense to him. “I have encountered this phenomena before in Alfheim. Having multiple partners simultaneously is quite common there and a pronounced preference for it is recognized as what you would call a sexual orientation.”

 

Tom’s eyebrows flew up. “Really?”

 

Loki nodded. “It is relatively unusual among the Elves to have exclusive lust for one gender or another, but they do acknowledge it, and variations thereof. There is no stigma associated with any desire to be with men, women, those who have no specific gender identity, many partners, or beings of another species. It’s a most liberated society.”

 

“That sounds confusing, but nice.”

 

“I rather enjoyed it. They embrace magic as essential as well. I felt at home with them.”

 

“It sounds like I would too.”

 

Loki smiled. “You would fit in well, and be most sought after.”

 

“I…”

 

“Yes?”

 

Tom picked at the edge of the duvet. “I don’t love you any less, you know that right? Or feel like I’m not fulfilled with...  being with just you.”

 

“I understand, beloved. Probably better than most of the inhabitants of your realm.” Loki laid his hand on Tom’s neck and rubbed the human’s jawline with his thumb. “I have no doubts about your affections. I’m not immune to jealousy, but I have no fear that you will leave me. If you are happy, then I am happy.”

 

Some part of Tom felt that there was something wrong about that statement, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. “If you do feel uncomfortable or neglected, or anything, please tell me.”

 

“I shall,” Loki promised.

 

“Be sure that you do. I’m with you first, Loki. I know that Ben will prioritize Sophie’s needs above mine, and the same is true for you. If you don’t like whatever is going on, just tell me and we’ll call it off.”

 

Loki’s smile was warm and pure. “I appreciate that greatly.”

 

This settled Tom’s nerves and he leaned in to kiss the god. “So, what shall we do for the rest of the day?”

 

“Breakfast may be in order.”

 

Tom nodded. “And a shower.”

 

“After that, we shall see. Yes?”

 

“Yes.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the small delay. My Beta and I were at Ace Comic Con this past weekend, and too busy (waiting in line to) meet(ing) Tom Hiddleston to do any editing.


	9. Closer

 

Ben approached Tom’s building from the back, heading for the scrap of garden that was occasionally used by the residents for picnics or sport. He could hear voices and an irregular rhythmic wooden clacking. When he rounded the corner of the building he was greeted by the sight of two nearly identical men fighting.

 

No, not fighting. Sparring. Tom had a wooden sword while Loki brandished a pair of wooden daggers. Despite the sword’s additional reach, Tom was clearly out-matched. Loki moved like liquid lightning, easily avoiding the longer “blade” as he dodged in to strike at various vital points on his human opponent. Still, Tom wasn’t completely out of his element, and managed to avoid some of Loki’s hits and even land one or two of his own. If nothing else, he looked amazing.

 

“You must keep your movements tighter, beloved,” Loki said in an easy voice. “Your opponent can predict your next move by the way you move your sword.” The god slipped past the longer weapon once again. He seized Tom’s wrist with one hand and brought the wooden dagger to his throat with the other.

 

“I was trained to telegraph my movements and make them more dramatic. They’re supposed to be blocked, or at least anticipated.” Tom was panting, though he still spoke clearly enough.

 

Loki wasn’t even breathing hard. “I’m sure that’s terribly elegant, but hardly effective.” The god spun away and ducked the sweep of Tom’s sword without looking. “Projecting.”

 

Tom lowered the sword and held up his other hand. “Enough.”

 

“Your friend has excellent timing, then.”

 

Ben started. He hadn’t realized that Loki had seen him. “You two look fantastic.”

 

Tom walked up him, wiping his brow, and smiled. “At least I don't look like a complete idiot. Apparently I have a lot to unlearn if I wanted to actually be able to defend myself with a sword, if the situation ever arose.”

 

Ben raised an eyebrow. “That seems unlikely.”

 

“That’s what I said.” Tom grinned.

 

Loki rolled his eyes and vanished the practice blades with a flick of his wrists. The black tee-shirt he wore left nothing to the imagination, let alone a place to conceal a couple of wooden daggers. Tom’s “magic daggers” - when they had filmed the effect for _Ragnarok_ \- had been concealed up his sleeves. It was striking that Loki could do the same trick but with actual magic.

 

The god was barely sweating at all as he turned to Ben. “I’ve always enjoyed sparring, whatever the skill of my partner.”

 

Ben couldn’t help reading a double entendre into that, especially with the way that Loki’s eyes flowed over him.

 

Tom laughed. “Sparring is Asgardian foreplay and you know it.”

 

“Perhaps.” Loki turned his attention to Tom as the actor walked up and joined them. The gray tracksuit bottoms and plain white tee-shirt that Tom was wearing were hardly the most alluring clothing he owned, but Loki was practically drooling. “Call it a cultural exchange.”

 

Tom laughed again and pulled Loki into a kiss which the other enthusiastically returned.

 

Ben cleared his throat.

 

“Sorry.” Tom blushed.

 

Loki didn’t. He just grinned.

 

“I feel like I’m interrupting.”

 

“Nonsense. I’m glad you’re here. I might need a shower at the moment, however.” Tom ran a hand through his short dark blond curls. “I’m sure Loki can keep you entertained.”

 

The god’s grin grew. “Certainly.”

 

“Umm…”

 

“No excuses, Ben. You wanted to talk. Come inside.” Tom lead the way into the building, the others trailing behind him. Ben tried to relax, but having Loki at his back was unsettling.

 

“You needn’t fret, mortal, I am simply enjoying the view.”

 

Ben tensed. Loki could read him far too easily.

 

Tom spoke over his shoulder as they walked up the stairs to the flat. “Loki, stop staring at my friend’s arse. It’s rude.”

 

The god sighed theatrically. “If you insist.”

 

Ben searched the exchange for signs of jealousy, but couldn’t find any. They were so at ease with one another. It was like Loki’s absence had somehow brought their relationship to another level. Or maybe it had been that way before the god had left, and Ben hadn’t realized it. In any case, if he was reading the situation correctly they were secure with each other and open to... company? He swallowed hard; that wasn’t something he’d taken into account, though he had thought about it.

 

How could he not?

 

The pair were two sides of a beautiful coin. Loki was dark, dangerous, and dominant. Tom was sunshine, charm, and compassion. Not that Tom didn’t have a temper - Ben had been on the wrong side of his scathing tongue before - and Loki must be capable of empathy and kindness or Tom just wouldn't be with him.

 

Tom fully admitted that Loki was dangerous, but all evidence suggested  that the god was stable, safe. At least he was now. Tom had told Ben that he thought Loki probably had been mad for a while; learning of his true parentage had caused the godly equivalent of a psychotic break. That Loki had been what would be considered legally insane when he tried to destroy Jotunheim and invade Earth, but that the god didn’t want to talk about that time, so Tom couldn’t be completely certain.

 

Tom had talked about Loki a lot after the god had vanished. It was heartbreaking. Whatever it meant for Ben’s relationship with his fellow actor, he was so glad Loki had survived and come back, just for Tom’s sake.

 

These thoughts swam through Ben’s head as the three arrived at the flat and Tom unlocked the door, then looked over his shoulder. “All clear?”

 

Loki nodded and Tom opened the door.

 

“What was that about?” Ben asked as he entered the sitting room.

 

“Security,” Tom replied.

 

Loki slipped past the other two. “I’ve set - reset, really - wards on Tom’s home.”

 

Ben frowned. “Have you had problems?”

 

Tom shook his head and strode through the sitting room to the hallway.

 

“Not since I returned,” Loki replied. He narrowed his eyes at Ben.

 

Ben tugged at his collar. “I am sorry for that.”

 

“It’s alright,” Tom called from the stairs.

 

Loki glared. Clearly it wasn’t alright with him.

 

“Love, could you make tea please?” Tom’s voice was fainter now.

 

“Of course.” Loki went into the kitchen. Ben watched from the breakfast bar as the god went through the familiar steps of making tea. He didn’t use any magic as far as the human could tell. Just filled the kettle from the tap and plugged it in before rummaging through the cupboards for the tea. “Do you have any preferences?” he asked Ben.

 

The actor shook his head. “Whatever you and Tom like.”

 

Loki smiled and looked Ben over with a slow sweep of his pale eyes. “We have very similar tastes.”

 

Ben blushed. He’d forgotten about Loki’s ability to turn absolutely everything into an innuendo. He missed the next couple of steps of the tea-making process because he’d turned away to hide the color on his cheeks.

 

“Did Tom tell you what this was about?” he asked, mostly to get Loki talking.

 

“That you wish to engage in a romantic and sexual relationship with my mortal? Yes, he did.”

 

Ben winced. “I wouldn’t have put it that way…”

 

“But my statement is accurate, is it not?” Loki chuckled. “I could have phrased it much more bluntly.” Suddenly, Loki was right next to Ben, close enough to invade his personal space  without _quite_ touching. “You want to fuck him.” The god’s voice was dark and silky in Ben’s ear. “You want to bend him over this table and take him until he screams.”

 

Ben closed his eyes and shuddered. “Are you going to give me the shovel talk?”

 

“I’m unfamiliar with this idiom, but I believe I understand its meaning. You are no doubt aware of what I am capable of; you do not require such a warning. Besides,” the god leaned in a little closer. Ben felt Loki’s breath, warm on his skin, “you would rather have both of us.”

 

 _Oh god._ “Is that something you want?” Ben was proud that his voice didn’t crack.

 

“As I said, we have very similar tastes,” Loki purred.

 

Ben cleared his throat. “I was under the impression that you preferred blonds.”

 

Loki chuckled and traced his fingertips over Ben’s dark hair. The touch was light, as if a butterfly alit on its waves. Ben suppressed a shiver as Loki spoke into his ear. “I appreciate all beauty. The most handsome woman I ever encountered had no hair at all and would appear quite alien to anyone from your realm. My preferences may be broader than Tom’s, but he and I do agree on most things.”

 

“Honestly I’m surprised you’re open to this at all.”

 

Loki stepped away, and Ben’s ability to breathe returned. “Can you imagine having only _one_ lover for thousands of years?” The god raised an eyebrow then waved a dismissive hand. “No, of course you cannot: that is beside the point. Relationships between gods are rarely exclusive for more than a few centuries, if at all. I would happily remain with Tom only, if that is what he wished, but it is not the standard that I was raised with.”

 

“Huh.”

 

Loki snorted and retreated into the kitchen to deal with the tea. “Do not assume all cultures are like your own, mortal. You would be very wrong most of the time.”

 

“I’m getting that.”

 

“You’re not interested in the same kind of relationship with both of us though, is that not so?”

 

“How..?” Ben shook his head. “Not exactly, no.”

 

“We will discuss this further when Tom has returned, but I believe we would both be agreeable to your plans.”

 

“Oh. Okay.”

 

“Don’t sound so shocked. Did you think he and I would not discuss this?”

 

“I… it’s just that we barely spoke about it.”

 

“It wasn't difficult to discern your intentions.” Loki walked back in and set a tea cup in front of Ben, one in front of his own seat, and a third between them. “Affairs of the heart are simple enough. You wish to have the romantic relationship with Tom that you denied yourselves after your marriage, and you wish to have sex with me. Ideally, with both of us simultaneously. I have no issue with any of these ideas, and neither does my beloved.”

 

To cover his confusion, Ben took a sip of tea. It was perfect.

 

“What do I not have an issue with?” Tom asked as he came into the room.

 

“Your friend’s plans.”

 

“Oh. No, it sounds good to me.” Tom sat down on the stool between the other two and sipped his own tea. “I should ask you to make the tea more often.”

 

Loki preened.

 

“So… I guess we should talk about details,” Ben said, “if you two have already derived what I want. What about you?” He looked at Tom.

 

“As long as everyone’s okay with it, I’d like to go back to the way things were with us, but with additional shagging.” Tom glanced at Loki.

 

“Why is having sex called ‘shagging’?” The god asked. “It makes no sense. It has nothing to do with carpet. Well, I suppose it _could_...”

 

Tom laughed. “No idea, love.” Loki shook his head and Tom laughed again. “English is one of the most convoluted languages on the planet. Don’t even bother.”

 

“If I’m to spend the rest of my life in your realm, I shall need something to occupy my time other than ‘shagging’; I may as well learn the intricacies of your language. Even a god cannot spend four thousand years just having sex.”

 

Ben snorted into his tea as Tom giggled.

 

“To be fair, the language will probably be unrecognizable in a few centuries,” Ben put in.

 

Loki rolled his eyes. “Mortals.”

 

“You hated how stagnant Asgard was.”

 

“This is true, but some sense of continuity is appreciated.”

 

“We should go to a Shakespeare production with the original pronunciations, you’d probably find it pretty interesting.”

 

Loki frowned and leaned forward. “Perhaps. I’m uncertain how that would interact with my perception of your speech.”

 

“Shakespeare is worth learning English for.”

 

Ben chuckled. “You think Shakespeare is proof of the existence of God.”

 

Tom grinned. “Maybe.”

 

“Besides, I thought you just said English was too convoluted,” Ben objected.

 

“I changed my mind. I’m allowed, aren’t I?”

 

“I think it more matters what Loki wants to do.”

 

Tom turned to the god. “What _do_ you intend to spend your time on?”

 

Loki lay a finger over his lips for a moment before speaking. “I had mostly focused on recovering from my journey up until now. I have no distinct plans beyond spending as much time with you as I may.”

 

“I do have to work sometime.”

 

“Hrm. Yes. Well, we should discuss how you wish to deal with my anomalous existence in your realm. I imagine you don’t wish to share the truth with the public?”

 

Ben and Tom exchanged a startled look. “I hadn’t really thought about it. I mean, I’ll tell my family what’s going on, of course, but the rest of the world…” Tom trailed off.

 

“I do not exist in this realm, and to the extent that I do, I am _you._ ”

 

“You’ll need papers, at least if you plan on travelling anywhere, which I hope you will.”

  
  
“Tom, how _are_ you going to deal with this? I mean, the two of you could be twins. Loki will be mistaken for you all the time.”

 

“I can use magic to confuse my appearance or make others ignore my presence,” Loki pointed out. “Or simply wear an illusion of another person if need be.”

 

“I don’t like that.”

 

“Beloved, you must see that creating a whole new identity for me is the best course.”

 

“But…”

 

“He’s right. You can even be in a public relationship with Loki’s new identity if you want, which you really couldn’t be otherwise.”

 

“Do not look so distressed; I don’t mind.” Loki put a comforting hand on Tom’s arm.

 

“I hate lying.”

 

“And you’re terrible at it,” Ben pointed out.   


“Hey!”

 

“Well you are.”

 

“Luckily for you, I am a master.”

 

“I don’t want to _have_ to lie about it,” Tom exclaimed. “I want the world to know who you are and that we’re together.”

 

Loki smiled. “That is very sweet of you, but you must see sense. I cannot be _me_ without causing significant problems. I can easily craft a persona for myself. I’m confident that I will also be able to acquire the necessary documentation to reinforce the illusion.”

 

Tom dropped his head into his hands. “I don’t want to know.”

 

Loki grinned into his tea. “Then I shan’t use your computer.”

 

Tom groaned and Ben laughed.

 

“Tom, you need to think about Loki’s persona fairly carefully. If you’re planning on having your relationship be public he’ll come under a lot of scrutiny.”

 

“Sometimes I hate being a celebrity.”

 

“I needn’t even be a ‘he’, if that would be easier for you,” Loki suggested, his tone excessively neutral.

 

Tom’s head jerked up. “No, I’m not okay with that. I’m not hiding anymore.”

 

“It’ll be in the gossip rags for months if you come out.”

 

“Who _cares_ who I sleep with?”

 

Ben shrugged. “A lot of people. You know that. There’s a reason you’ve been keeping quiet about your private life for the past few years, remember?”

 

Tom let out a strangled moan and dropped his head back down to the breakfast bar. He clutched at his hair. “I hate this.” The other two men put a comforting hand on each of Tom’s shoulders. He relaxed into their touch. “I’m sorry.”

 

“What about the two of you?” Loki asked, looking at Ben. “I presume your previous relationship was not public?”

 

“Everyone assumed we’re just good friends,” Ben replied. “As long as there’s no snogging in public, that’s easy to believe.” He shrugged. “And since I’m married now, people are even less likely to jump to that conclusion.”

 

Loki made a face at the word “snogging”. “Could we not do the same, then?”

 

“No, I’m done with hiding.” Tom’s voice was shaking. “This is important. I’m fine with keeping you private Ben, I know it’s awkward for you as it is, but I refuse to keep Loki hidden. I don’t care who knows I’m bisexual; it’s fine.”

 

Loki and Ben exchanged a look over Tom’s shoulders. “Would you please take time to think about this?” Ben asked. “At least see if the public picks up on it? Honestly, I suspect that if you’re in a relationship for more than a few months, it’ll be noteworthy enough.”

 

Tom growled. “Dirty pool, old man.”

 

Ben laughed. “Sorry.”

 

Loki frowned. “Would that be so striking?”

 

Ben nodded.

 

“Oh.” Loki rubbed his chin with the hand that wasn’t on Tom’s shoulder. “I could be many people, if you wish. To detract attention from any change in your lifestyle.”

 

Tom sat up again and glared at the others with reddened eyes. “Oh for fuck’s sake, will you two please listen to me? I understand that Loki can’t really be himself, but could you please be as close as you can? I’m tired of hiding. I’m tired of lying. Frankly I don’t think anyone will care that I’m dating a man. It’s 2018, for god’s sake.”

 

Ben opened his mouth and closed it again. “You’re right, I'm sorry. I’ll support you, of course.”

 

Loki nodded in agreement. “If that’s what you wish, beloved. I shall create a persona as close to myself as may be. If you change your mind, we can always try something different.”

 

Tom nodded and wiped his eyes. “Thank you.”

 

“I shall address this as my next project. I’ll need slightly more time to create a lasting illusion. I have not the reserves to maintain such a feat, at the moment.” The god paused. “I shall need appropriate cultural context as well. A profession and such, since I suspect that neither ‘prince’ nor ‘king’ will not be an option.”

 

“Not something public,” Ben said immediately. “Not an actor anything like that, we’re too obvious.”

 

Loki nodded. “I shall rely on the two of you to aid with that, as I do not yet have the knowledge.”

 

“A writer, maybe?” Tom suggested.

 

Ben shook his head. “Then he’d have to write something.”

 

“I shall need consider what I wish to do with myself and build that into the character, since Tom wishes it to be as true to life as possible.”

 

Ben laughed. “I think there might be some irony to someone who’s essentially a fictional character creating a fictional character for themselves to become ‘real’.”

 

Loki glared. “I do not care to be referred to as ‘fictional’.”

 

“Well you are,” Ben replied.  

 

The god snarled.

 

Tom put his hands out, one on each of their arms. “Gentlemen, please.”

 

Loki relaxed, but kept his eyes narrowed.

 

“I’m sorry, Loki. If you don’t want to be called fictional, I won’t use that word,” Ben said.

 

“Apology accepted.”

 

“Thank you. I don’t need you two fighting on top of everything else.” Tom ran his hands through his hair. “Ben, do you need to check in with Sophie about anything?”  

 

The other actor nodded. “I think she’ll be fine with everything we’ve talked about, but I should certainly discuss it with her.”

  
  
“Making sure that your spouse is aware of your other lovers is vital,” Loki said. “It shall keep her happy, which if nothing else shall improve _your_ life.”

 

Ben smirked and got to his feet. “I’m not sure how happy she’ll be, but I need to find out.”

 

“Has she taken on anyone else?” Loki asked.

 

“I, umm, yes. A man she works with.”

 

Loki nodded. “Good.”

 

“That may be the first time I’ve ever heard anyone approve of somebody else sleeping with my wife.”

 

The god rolled his eyes. “Your realm is so parochial.”

 

Tom chuckled.

 

Ben sighed. “I’m still getting used to this, you know.”

 

“Can you not see how she might be unhappy if you had another lover and she did not?”

 

“No, I get it, it’s just… odd.”

 

Loki shook his head. “Mortals.”

 

Tom laughed and kissed Loki’s cheek.

 

Ben got up from his seat on the barstool. “I’d best get home.” He looked at Tom. “I’ll phone later, once I’ve talked to Sophie.”

 

Tom nodded. “We’ll make plans then.”

 

“I’ll see you two later.” Ben smiled at both of them and left the flat.

 

As soon as Ben was gone, Tom slumped against Loki. “That was exhausting.”

 

Loki wrapped his arms around Tom and pulled him close. “It did seem rather emotional for you.”

 

Tom nodded. “I’ve wanted to come out for years, but I wasn’t in a place with my career that would support it. I think I’m there now. Even if I’m wrong, I don’t care anymore.”

 

Loki kissed the top of Tom’s head. “I really do not mind, beloved. I make quite a fetching woman.”

 

Tom laughed. “I would like to see that, but I was serious. I want you to be as close to yourself as possible.” He stilled, then looked up. “Unless _you’d_ rather be female?”

 

Loki chuckled. “I prefer this form, though it’s kind of you to ask.”

 

“Okay.” Tom lay his head back on Loki’s shoulder. “Could we go lay down a while? I wouldn’t mind a nap.”

 

“A nap is an excellent idea.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're back. 
> 
> As you might be able to tell, I have opinions about things.


	10. Existenstial

 

Loki was faced with one of the strangest dilemmas of his long existence. He felt safe, had a lover that he adored, and had the opportunity to create for himself a whole new life. In previous times (what he now thought of as Life Before Tom) Loki’s actions had been primarily focused on acquiring a place of power and comfort, and - if he was being honest with himself - feeding his own ego. But he now had what comforts he desired, and had little lust for power these days. Yes, he was surrounded by mortals, but that was acceptable. Some mortals had turned out to be more interesting than he would have thought.

 

Tom, of course, was exceptional. The mortal’s love had filled the gaping need Loki had felt since… Well, for a long long time. Even if this world had been completely insufferable, it would have been worth any hardship to have the human by his side. As it was, he was a god among mortals. He was isolated in many ways, but then again he always had been. But in the most important way, Loki was not alone, and that satisfied a thirst so old and so deep he had never noticed it until it was quenched. He was accepted and loved for exactly who he was. It took his breath away, even if it sometimes felt too wonderful to be real.

 

Throughout his life, Loki had developed a way of thinking about his life in terms of eras, usually in relation to events or his interactions with others. There was his youth - which was roughly the timeframe before he and his brother had discovered one another as sexual beings. And after that - the time when they had been best friends and lovers. From this vantage, here with his mortal, it all seemed so distant.

 

Then there was the era that began the moment he discovered his true parentage and everything burst into chaos. Those few years were so sharp in his mind, despite how desperately he wanted to forget them. But that was all behind him now. Loki knew that this was a new era in his life, one that shifted everything that had come before it. This peri-Tom time was just beginning, and Loki had the opportunity to shape it any way he wished. He didn’t actually care that much about the details of this pseudo-mortal life he’d be living, as long as _his_ mortal was by his side.

 

But the dilemma remained. He had the opportunity to create a new life from whole cloth - to be whatever he wanted in this Midgardian context - and didn’t know what to do with it. He had dreamed of becoming king - or at times, more reasonably, the power behind the throne - a leader of armies, and even just a seidrmadr, but none of those were an option here. He’d been a king; been a general. Neither was fulfilling, or even particularly interesting. He would continue to practice his magical skills no matter what - seidr was a part of him him that could never be removed - and teach Tom as well. But beyond that, he just didn’t know.

 

His previous experiences on Midgard gave him little guidance. Human science and engineering were intriguing, but substantially wrong, and would most likely take years to study if he wanted to fully understand them. He had the years, but was that what he wanted? He would make an excellent spy or assassin, but that would mean leaving Tom for prolonged periods of time, which was unacceptable. Any warrior’s path posed the same problem. Besides, it would be difficult to conceal his nature if he were fighting. Loki didn’t think Tom would approve of his becoming a soldier of any sort. His mortal didn’t seem to believe that humanity’s problems could be solved with violence. Loki was good at killing and ordering people about, he was adept at persuasion and trickery. These skills did not lend themselves to an easy transition to a Midgardian lifestyle. At least not one that Tom would find acceptable.

 

No, he needed something interesting and flexible. He refused to be tied to the schedule of another. Other than Tom. He would follow his mortal anywhere.

 

“What are you looking at, love?”

 

Loki looked up from Tom’s laptop. “I’m researching.”

 

The mortal dropped down beside him on the sofa and looked at the screen. “You’re looking at universities?”

 

“My skill sets don’t really apply to your realm.”

 

“Some of them do.”

 

“Not ones I think you would approve of.”

 

Tom tilted his head. “I suppose not.”

 

“Must I have a profession?”

 

“Most people do.”

 

Loki sighed. “It’s not as though I can’t get money other ways.”

 

“Money isn’t the point; I can support us both easily. You need to do something with yourself.”

 

The god put the computer on the coffee table and ran his hands over his face. “I’m ignorant even of my choices. I do not have the context.”

 

“So you’re thinking about going to uni?”

 

“Perhaps, but I do not wish to be tied to a single place. If you are travelling, I would wish to accompany you, assuming you’re amenable to that.”

 

“You wouldn’t see me very much,” Tom warned. “I tend to work extremely long hours if I’m on-set.”

 

“Even if I only see you while you sleep, that is better than not at all.”

 

Tom chuckled. “I’m not sure if that’s sweet or unsettling.”

 

Loki looked away. “Apologies.”

 

“I’m sorry, love. It’s sweet, it really is. Hey, look at me.” Loki turned his face back to his mortal, eyes downcast. “I’m sorry.”

 

“Why are you apologizing?”

 

“Because I made you uncomfortable.” Tom lay a hand on Loki’s cheek, guiding him to look back up. Tom’s eyes were so blue in this light; it was impossible for Loki to not get lost in them. “I know it’s hard for you to… to express your feelings verbally. I should know better than to tease you.”

 

Loki shook his head. “I…”

 

“Loki, it’s fine. I do want you with me me. I don’t have to go anywhere for a bit, but I will at some point, and I want you to travel with me. I just don’t want you to get bored.”

 

The god shook his head again and looked down at his lap. “I fear… I fear that you shall... grow bored of me.”

 

“Oh darling, of course I won’t. You’re the most dynamic person I’ve ever known.”

 

“But…” Loki gestured towards the computer. “You’ve never…”

 

Tom looked at where the god was pointing and rubbed his forehead. “You’ve been researching my past relationships.”

 

Loki looked away and nodded.  “I… I thought that perhaps after a few decades you might… lose interest, but I never thought in terms of _months_ …”

 

Tom scowled. “Has what Ben said the other day been bothering you? I’m going to murder him.” The mortal took a deep breath and let it out slowly before replying. “I fall in love easily. I recognize that. And there was a time - when I first got really famous - that it seemed like everyone was throwing themselves at me. I could have pretty much anyone I wanted and… I made some poor choices. I just dated whoever I wanted for as long as I wanted.”

 

Loki made a small snort that could have been a laugh.

 

“I got involved with a few people who I had basically nothing in common with. After a while - not a long while, I admit - we just didn’t have anything to talk about anymore, and I realized that there was nothing there.” Tom ran his fingers along a strand of the god’s hair. “I can’t imagine that happening with you.”

 

“We do spend a great deal of time talking.”

 

Tom nodded. “And we have so much to share with one another that we haven’t even thought about yet. New ideas, new views on things. It’s amazing. I’ve never felt like this before. I’ve never felt closer to anyone ever.”

 

Loki looked up through his lashes and gave the mortal a small half smile. “We are the same person, beloved.”

 

Tom shook his head and cupped Loki’s cheek with his hand. Loki echoed the gesture and shivered at the circuit of seidr that ran between them. _“That_ would be boring. You’re brilliant and adaptable. You have thousands of stories that I’ve never heard, a whole different universe of experiences. How could I possibly get bored with that?”

 

“Perhaps not bored, then, but some day you will recognize that you deserve better.”

 

“Please don’t talk like that. I know you. I know who and what you are, and I accepted all of these things when we first met. I love you, don’t you understand? I’ve loved you for nearly ten years, not just… just a couple of months.” Tom stroked Loki’s cheek with his thumb. “Knowing you in person just makes that better. If anything, I should be worried that you’ll get tired of me.”

 

Loki’s eyes went wide. “Never.”

 

“Never say never, darling.”

 

The god shook his head. “It’s inconceivable that I shall tire of you.”

 

“Loki, I’m mortal. I’ll age and you won’t; at least not at the same rate. In thirty years, I’ll be an old man and you’ll be the same as you are now. Assuming I’m even still alive”

 

Loki shook his head and pulled Tom to him, embracing his mortal in a tight hug, careful not to hurt him. “The seidr I intend to teach you will keep you at your physical prime for centuries, beloved. Your hair may change, but your body shall not age more than a decade or two over the next five hundred years, and slowly at that. But even if you did grow old, do you think I would be so shallow as to shun you because of your physical appearance?”

 

“You seem to like my physical appearance very much right now.”

 

“Of course; you’re beautiful. But I do not love you simply because you are beautiful. Nor do I desire you just because of how you look.”

 

“I worry.”

 

“As do I.”

 

Tom laughed. “We’re ridiculous.” The squeezed Loki tightly, perhaps with all the strength he had.

 

“A pair of sentimental fools.”

 

“I’m happy to be a sentimental fool with you.” Tom kissed Loki’s cheek. “Please tell me when you have doubts. Don’t just let it fester.”

 

“I shall try, but it’s difficult.”

 

“I know. I’m sorry.”

 

“You apologize far too much.”

 

“I know that too. I am, though. Sorry.”

 

Loki sighed. This conversation had not gone in the direction he’d thought it would, but he felt better for having shared his worries with Tom. “Could we not do something pleasant? Relaxing?”

 

“We could watch a film? Not one of mine.”

 

“I would be pleased to see your films, just not any of the ones from my universe.”

 

Tom nodded and kissed Loki’s cheek. “Okay. Did you have a preference?”

 

“Perhaps the one with the vampire? I would be curious to see how you fare as an immortal other than myself.”

 

“And I’m sure that seeing such a long term romance will make you feel better too.”

 

“You know me too well, beloved.”

 

“Of course I do.” Tom got to his feet and went over to the cabinet by the television and rummaged through it for a moment before retrieving a small dark colored plastic case.

 

The pair curled up on the sofa together to watch. Tom sat up against one end while Loki lay against him. The god found the film fascinating. It was beautiful in so many ways, not the least of which being Tom. Despite their similar coloration, Loki felt that he and Adam didn’t look that much alike. Or perhaps they both looked like Tom and not like one another? Loki wished now that he’d attempted to communicate with the vampire when he’d temporarily taken over his body, but he hadn’t realized it was an option at the time.

 

“What did you think?” Tom asked as the end credits rolled.

 

“It was beautiful,” Loki replied. “I see what you meant about love and immortality. Eve is very wise.”

 

“Did you recognize anyone else in the film?”

 

Loki frowned. “No. Should I have?”

 

“It was possible. The woman who played Ava was also in _Crimson Peak_ , and I know you went there. And the actress who played Eve was also in the Doctor Strange film, so it was possible you might have encountered her.”

 

“I had not.”

 

Tom nodded and kissed the top of Loki’s head. “I’m mostly curious about how the different universes interact.”

 

“I interacted briefly with two women, and a handful of mortals with whom I did not speak in three separate realms as I traveled alone.”

 

“One was Mason, right? The blonde woman in the jungle?”

 

Loki nodded. “Indeed.”

 

“Who was the other?”

 

“Thomas Sharpe’s sister.”

 

“Oh.”

 

Loki chuckled at Tom’s tone. “It was in evading her… attention that I encountered Thomas. I retreated into his mindscape when it became clear I could not quit his body.”

 

“She… Oh Loki, I’m sorry.”

 

Loki laughed again. “It is quite alright. I very much enjoyed Thomas.”

 

“You do have a lot in common.”

 

“We have more in common now than we did then.”

 

“Oh?”

 

Did Tom sound nervous? It was hard to tell from a single syllable. “Although I have not yet seen the film, I read a description. I encountered Thomas before the film took place; it was evidence that these realms existed independently of their films.”

 

“Huh. I hadn’t realized that.”

 

“Indeed. It was reassuring to both Strange and myself.”

 

“I can see why. So he hadn’t met Edith yet?”

 

“No. He was still devoted to his dark goddess.”

 

“To be fair, he never stopped being devoted to her. Despite being in love with Edith.”

 

“Ah.” Loki looked up at Tom. “I can understand how that might appeal.”

 

Tom laughed. “I didn’t have too much difficulty with that aspect of the character, no.”

 

Loki grinned.

 

“So how do you have more in common with him now?”

 

“We both found a sun to pull us from the darkness.”

 

“Oh. Oh Loki.” Tom squeezed Loki’s chest and kissed his cheek. There were tears in the mortal’s eyes. “I don’t know what to say.”

 

“You needn’t say anything, beloved.”

 

“I do though. I just... I hope I’m worthy of that.”

 

“You are.” Loki shifted so that he could face Tom more easily. He wiped away one of his mortal’s tears and kissed him. Tom turned the kiss deep and frantic and tangled his hands in the god’s hair. Loki gladly allowed himself to be swept up in his mortal’s passion.

 

Watching a film had been an excellent idea.

 


	11. Lost

 

Loki sat on the floor in front of the media cabinet staring at the lines of plastic cases. They were organized in a manner that he didn't entirely comprehend, so he was always careful to put anything back where he'd found it. One thing he did understand was that Tom kept all of the films he'd starred in on a separate shelf, with the exception of the films based on Loki's former universe. Those sat in a long line by themselves, and that's what the god was looking at.

 

Tom was out with Ben. The Less Relevant Mortal’s wife had approved of what the three of them had discussed, and now the two actors were out on a “date”. Loki didn't mind. He missed Tom and was a little bored, but the idea of the other two men being together didn't bother him. On the contrary, he looked forward to seeing Tom’s excitement when the mortal returned home.

 

But Loki did need to distract himself from his human’s absence. He and Tom had gone to the shops yesterday and acquired Loki a mobile phone and laptop of his own, but he was too fidgety to attempt to work out how to operate the devices now. So he was facing a fear he'd been pushing down for some time. He ran a long finger over the cases. So many of them! He knew that Tom wasn't in all of them, but it still seemed like a great number. Loki could not deny his curiosity. His finger stopped on a case that bore his brother's name.

 

The god swallowed hard, pulled it free, and put the disc into the machine

 

He lasted for almost ten minutes before fleeing the flat in a blind panic.

 

o0o

 

Tom returned home hours later. The telly in the empty sitting room had been turned on, humming quietly in the otherwise silent flat.

 

“Love, I'm home!”

 

He heard no reply. Tom went upstairs. “Loki?” He’d expected the god to be asleep since he didn’t answer - Loki still slept a lot - but their bed lay empty, as did the bath.

 

“Loki, where are you?” Tom searched the rest of the house before remembering that he’d given the god a mobile yesterday. He pulled out his own phone and found the contact information with shaking hands. One ring in ear, then two. Then another sound, from somewhere nearby. He cradled his phone to his chest to listen. It was Loki’s ringtone, coming from inside the house. He went back downstairs.

 

The mobile sat on the empty sofa.  

 

“Fuck!” Tom’s mind raced. Had the god gotten bored and gone for a walk and forgotten his mobile? Had he gotten upset and left because Tom was out with Ben? Had he been kidnapped? Injured? Sucked back into his own universe? Just _vanished?_ Tom’s thoughts spiralled out of control. He phoned Ben without any conscious thought.

 

“Tom? What’s up? Did you forget your pants here or something?”

 

“Loki’s gone."

 

“What? What do you mean gone?”

 

Tom paced across the length of the sitting room. “He’s not in the flat, I’ve looked everywhere.”

 

“Okay, calm down. He didn’t leave a note or anything?”

 

“No, nothing. He would have texted if he was going out. Phoned if anything was wrong.”

 

“He’s got a mobile?”

 

“We got it yesterday. But he left it on the sofa.”

 

“Ah. No help there, then. Okay. Does anything look out of place in the flat?”

 

“Well, I’m missing a god, say 188 centimeters, long black hair...”

 

“Don’t get snippy, Tom, I’m trying to help.”

 

“I’m sorry. It’s just so...”

 

“You’re worried, I know. Take another look around, okay?”

 

“The telly’s on. It looks like he was watching a DVD. Oh. Oh no.”

 

“What?”

 

“He watched _Thor.”_

 

“Is that bad?”

 

“Yes, Ben, it’s fucking bad. He was traumatized by what happens in _Thor_ , he suffered a murderous psychotic break because of what happens in _Thor_ , so yes, it’s very fucking bad.”

 

“Okay, okay, I get the point.”

 

Tom could hear Ben moving around on the other end of the line. “What are you doing?”

 

“Checking to see if anything… spectacular has happened in the last few hours.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“If Loki’s lost it again, he’d do something dramatic, wouldn’t he? It would be on the news.”

 

“Oh.” Tom dropped onto the sofa. “I think he’s probably just hiding, but it’s worth checking.”

 

“Where would he hide?”

 

“I don’t know. Someplace he felt safe.”

 

“Where would that be outside of your flat? Have you been anywhere he might go?”

 

“We’ve been ‘round to the shops a few times, that’s it.”

 

Ben sighed. “Can you use that psychic connection thing in your head to reach him?”

 

“Oh. Yes.” Tom yelled at himself inside his head for not thinking of that sooner. “I can try that. I’ll need to concentrate, though. I’ll ring you back.” Tom cut the connection.

 

He sat back on the sofa and closed his eyes. He breathed until the panic subsided and his pulse returned to a reasonable rate. Mentally, he sought the green line in the back of his head that connected him to Loki and called out to the god. There was no reply. Just a sense of direction, like a wave bouncing back from the shore.

 

Tom found his shoes and a jacket, since the evening had grown cold, and phoned Ben again.

 

“Did you find him?”

 

“Not yet, but I think I’ll be able to. I can feel where he is.”

 

“I’m nearly to your flat, wait for me?”

 

“Oh. You don’t have to come.”

 

“No, I want to help.”

 

“I… it’s in the direction you’re coming from. I can’t wait. Meet me on the way?”

 

“Okay. I’ll stay on the line.”

 

A minute later, the two men met on the street. Ben wrapped his arms around Tom and kissed him, hard and brief. “Which way?”

 

Tom closed his eyes and oriented himself. “That way.”

 

“Let’s go.”

 

It was a bit difficult, since Tom’s awareness of the god was purely directional, and had nothing to do with buildings in the way. The two actors were both familiar with this section of town, but Tom was moving purely on instinct and Ben was mostly keeping Tom from being struck by cars as he weaved obliviously through the traffic.

 

“We’re close.” Tom looked up and around, taking in their surroundings for the first time in a while. “Oh, the library. Of course.”

 

“What?”

 

Tom ran across the street, dodging vehicles as he went. Ben shook his head and chased after him.

 

“Now I know how Martin feels.”

 

“What?”

 

“This feels like filming _Sherlock_ ,” Ben replied. “Chasing someone over London.”

 

Tom grinned over his shoulder. “I get to be you this time.”

 

“No way.”

 

Tom laughed and ran up the steps to the library. “Oh. It’s closed.”

 

“It’s nearly half ten, of course it’s closed.”

 

“He’s inside, I know he is.”

 

Ben sighed. “Are we going to break into a library?”

 

“ _Can_ we break into a library?”

 

“Um… Yes, probably.” Ben removed a long slim case from an inside pocket.

 

Tom’s eyebrows flew up. “You know how to pick locks?”

 

The older actor shrugged. “It seemed like a useful skill.” He started to walk around the building. “Let’s find a side door. The front will have cameras.”

 

“You have hidden depths I’ve never suspected.” Tom followed, trying to ignore the painful tug in his chest.

 

“Ah, here we are.” They found a back entrance, near the bins. Clearly this was only used by the staff.

 

“Why do you carry lockpicks?”

 

“I don’t, normally, it just seemed likely that we might have to break into somewhere to find your wayward god.” Ben set about picking the lock. It was old, which was all to the good, and simple enough to be going on with. “There.” He turned the handle and pushed the door open.

 

Tom rushed past him into the darkness. Ben sighed, pulled a small torch from his pocket and followed.

 

Tom ran through the darkness, not bothering to even use the torch on his mobile. He could feel Loki in the back of his mind, pulling him forward. He was dimly aware of the shelves which formed a maze of books to block his path, but he knew where the center of the labyrinth was, and followed his instincts to the heart.

 

Tom skittered into a small reading area. It was a blind alcove, still filled with shelves. He couldn’t see Loki, but he felt the god like he was an animal catching the scent of his mate on the wind. Or that he was a magnet and Loki forged out of iron. Not in any of the chairs, but… There. His gaze instinctually slid off a particular spot by the window. It was like what Loki had described so long ago, that “don’t look at me” feel that kept prying eyes away from them whenever they went out together.  

 

“Loki?” Tom heard a quick inhalation of breath - a soft sound he would normally have dismissed. “Love, it’s me.” He walked towards the spot his eyes refused to look at. “I know you’re there. Please, drop the spell so I can see you.”

 

The air distorted and Tom blinked a few times. Loki appeared out of the nothingness, sitting under the window, arms wrapped around his knees. Tom ran the last few paces and knelt beside the god. “Oh darling, are you alright?”

 

Loki shook his head. In the dim light coming through the window, Tom could see that his face was streaked with tears and his eyes were reddened from weeping. He looked at Tom helplessly, seemingly unable to speak. Tom put his arms around the god’s shoulders and held him. “It’s alright, you’re safe, you’re fine.” Loki shook his head again, but lay his face against the actor’s shoulder. Tom felt the god’s breath hitching against his neck as he cried. “Oh love, I’m sorry.”

 

Loki shook his head sharply. “Not your fault.”

 

“I know, but I’m still sorry.” Tom squeezed Loki’s shoulders again. “Are you alright?”

 

“I am… uninjured.”

 

“That’s not what I asked.”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“Can you stand? We should go home.”

 

Loki nodded and Tom helped him get to his feet. The god leaned heavily on the human once they stood, wrapped his arms around the mortal’s back and waist. Tom straightened his spine under the weight, and clutched Loki as tightly as he could. “Let’s go home.” The god nodded and tried to pull away, but Tom caught his hand. “Come on.”

 

Tom walked out of the open area into the stacks and realized he had no idea of the layout of this library. He’d navigated his way here through magical intuition, only aware of Loki’s presence, and blind to the surroundings. “Ben? Are you with us?”

 

“Over here. You found him? He’s alright?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Oh thank god.”

 

Tom followed the sound of Ben’s voice, dragging Loki along with him. “Keep talking, I have no idea where I am.”

 

“You did just race off.”

 

“I was in a hurry.”

 

“Obviously.”

 

Tom eventually found Ben standing near an office area. Loki still held his hand, but was looking down at the floor. “Alright?”

 

Ben nodded at Tom and looked at the god with concern. “Loki?”

 

Loki looked up, making brief eye contact with Ben, then looked away, his expression blank. He leaned against Tom’s back and buried his face in the mortal’s shoulder. The actors exchanged a worried look. “Let’s get out of here.”

 

Ben nodded and lead the way to the back door they’d come in through. He relocked the door behind them once Tom and Loki were out in the alleyway. The group started back towards the main street. Loki’s eyes remained downcast, though he kept a grip on Tom’s hand.

 

Tom looked at Ben, his eyes wide, and shrugged. They walked along the street in silence. Neither actor knew what to say. The god seemed mute and dead to the world; Tom had to tug his hand several times to keep him moving.

 

They were getting close to Ben’s house. “Do you want me to come back with you?”

 

Tom shook his head. “We’ll be fine. Thanks.”

 

“Goodnight then.” Ben smiled and squeezed Tom’s free hand briefly, then walked off into the darkness.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suspect that Benedict Cumberbatch does not - in fact - know how to pick locks, but I could be wrong.


	12. Meta

 

After leaving Ben, they traversed few blocks back to the flat in silence. Tom lead Loki back up to their door and into the sitting room. Loki let go of Tom’s hand once they were inside and wrapped his arms around his own chest. It was only then that Tom realized that Loki was only wearing a black tee-shirt and black jeans. No jacket, no shoes or socks.

 

“Let’s go upstairs.”

 

Loki didn’t respond, but allowed Tom to pull him out of through the sitting room. Tom’s instinct was to make tea and cuddle on the sofa, but he knew Loki would prefer to properly lay down and didn’t have the same comforting associations with tea. Besides, Tom didn’t want to be away from the god for long enough to make the tea.

 

Once in the bedroom, he pulled Loki onto the bed with him and wrapped himself around the god. Loki held himself stiffly for a long moment, then melted into Tom’s arms and started to cry.

 

“Love, it’s okay.” Tom stroked the long black hair with soft motions. “You’re fine.”

 

“What am I?” Loki’s voice cracked.

 

“What?”

 

“Am I even real?”

 

“Of course you are.”

 

“How… how can a film reflect reality so perfectly? It’s not possible.”

 

“Was it perfect?”

 

“Not entirely, no, but… but so close. I remember… I remember talking to Thor before his coronation. The words you spoke. You said them _the same way._ I remember teasing him and thinking that he would be so surprised when the…” A sob choked the god’s voice. “I… I knew that you understood, better than any possibly could, but _seeing_ it…”

 

“Why did you?”

 

“I felt I was being foolish. It was better to confront the fear rather than hide from it.”

 

That seemed reasonable to Tom, but clearly it had been a poor idea. “I understand.”

 

Loki clutched at Tom even more tightly. “What I am?”

 

“You’re Loki. You’re _my_ Loki. My perfect, wonderful god.”

 

Loki shook his head. “I am _nothing._ I’m a figment of some demented mortal’s imagination.”

 

“No. No love, you’re as real as I am. You don’t doubt that I’m real, right?”

 

“No.”

 

“I can see you, feel you.” He squeezed the god’s chest to his own.

 

“Perhaps we are both figments.”

 

Tom laughed. “Then it hardly matters.”

 

“Does it not?”

 

“No. If all of the worlds you and I have visited existed outside of their ‘fictional’ sources, what does it matter if you and I are fiction? The term means nothing at that point. Perhaps there’s no such thing as reality at all.”

 

“You seem more at ease than I would’ve thought with that idea.”

 

“I’ve thought I was going mad since the first time I met you. I had to accept that either reality wasn’t what I thought it was, or that I was mental. Given that it wasn’t just me that could see you, I decided the former was more likely.”

 

“But…” Loki stilled. “I suppose there’s no sense in questioning our perceptions at this point. We have no way of checking beyond them.”

 

Tom nodded. “Exactly. So what if I’m plugged into the Matrix or I’m a brain in a jar? I don’t know any better.” Loki laughed. It sounded weak and exhausted, but it was a laugh. “There you are.” The mortal kissed the god’s hair. “So you were having an existential crisis?”

 

“As opposed to?”

 

“Well, most of your trauma comes from that period…”  


“I only watched the first few minutes of the film. I stopped well before anything of note took place. I was reminded of Odin’s lies and my affection for my brother, nothing more.”

 

“Those are still important.”

 

“I was more struck by how similar to my own experiences your portrayal was. It did seem… briefer somehow, as though things had been removed.”

 

“Oh. Huh.”

 

“Beloved?”

 

“Um… part of the filmmaking process is something called ‘editing’. During the latter part of the editing process, several scenes were removed or cut down.”

 

Loki shivered. “Ah.”

 

“Did… No.”

 

“Please tell me?”

 

“When… when you were joking with Thor before the coronation, did you tell him to kiss you?”

 

“In a teasing manner, yes. He did not, of course; anyone might have walked past.”

 

“Oh.” Tom sighed deeply. “Okay. That’s weird.”

 

“Please explain. How did you know that?”

 

“That scene was cut down. We filmed it, but it didn’t make into the final product.”

 

“I see.”

 

“It doesn’t mean anything. We know that our experiences don’t match up completely.”

 

“They align very well, yours are just incomplete.”

 

Tom shrugged. “Maybe. We won’t know unless you watch all the films and I don’t think you should.”

 

“Perhaps at some point, but not now.”

 

Tom shook his head. “I think you might have had the right idea all along by not watching them. I don’t want to look at this too closely.”

 

Loki frowned. “Something about this troubles you deeply.”

 

Tom nodded briefly. “I… I don’t really want to talk about it.”

 

“Beloved, please, I need to know if you’re keeping things from me. It did not end well last time.”

 

Tom closed his eyes. Screwed them up tightly against the words. “You… you shouldn’t exist anymore, Loki. I’m worried that if I look at this too hard, you’ll vanish.”

 

The god was silent for long enough that Tom opened his eyes again, just to be certain that Loki was still in his arms. “Perhaps we’d best hope we are both figments then.”

 

“Maybe we should.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Thor_ is better with the (most of) deleted scenes, even without “give us a kiss”. There needs to be a director’s cut, and that’s probably never going to happen and it makes me sad.


	13. Out

 

Despite having serious doubts about his own existence, Loki continued on with his life the best he could. He created a persona for himself, acquiring the necessary documents from illicit sources he’d located online with a twist of magic to reinforce them. The pseudonym he’d chosen was “Lucas Sterling”. With Tom’s help, he fine-tuned the illusion of his new appearance, although he kept it as close to his own visage as possible. Loki really only changed the bone structure of the illusion’s face, so that he no longer looked exactly like Tom. He was still handsome, with long black hair and gray-green eyes, but he was a bit more gaunt than Tom, and younger. The new voice he affected also sounded different than either Tom or Loki. The god made the attempt to copy Midgardian speech patterns when he spoke in front of others, and he deepened his tone. “Lucas” was actually a bit like the person who might result if Tom and Ben had managed to have a child together. When Loki point this out to the two actors, they both found it hysterical.

 

Lucas was a student at the moment, enrolled in an online university. Loki absorbed knowledge like a sponge and chafed at the pace of the courses he was taking, but there were other things to occupy his time.

 

Loki’s alter ego appeared in public together with Tom on several occasions, and the more frivolous members of the press made fiery speculations as to the nature of their relationship. Tom hadn’t made any public statements about them, but Loki could tell the situation was beginning to unduly stress his mortal.

 

“Are you quite certain you wish to proceed with this, beloved? It appears to be causing you much distress.”  

 

“Yes, dammit.”

 

Loki stroked Tom’s back. “You needn't.”

 

“I know that, but I feel like I should. I meant what I said. I’d much rather it didn’t matter, and I could just stay as low profile as possible, but I hate hiding this aspect of myself. I hate that I've had to. I've never even played a _character_ who was bisexual or gay.”

 

“Do I not count?”

 

“No, unfortunately not. My version of you is pretty asexual.”

 

Loki snorted.

 

“Yes, I know. If it helps, a lot of fans read him as gay.”

 

Loki shrugged. “It matters not at all to me and clearly doesn’t to you either.”

 

“I don’t think it _counts_. I didn’t say it didn’t matter.”

 

Loki shrugged. “What do you wish to do?”

 

Tom ran his hands through his hair. “I don't know. I should talk to Luke, he'll be upset of I don't.”

 

“Luke?”

 

“My publicist. He might be able to set up an interview or something.”

 

“If that's what you want.”

 

Tom looked up at Loki. “What do you want?”

 

“Me?” Tom nodded. Loki looked up at the ceiling before replying. “I wish to spend my time with you and for you to be happy. That's all.”

 

“You must have an opinion about all this.”

 

Loki shrugged. “Mortals are foolish and backward creatures. Your actions will not change this.”

 

Tom sighed. “But they might. If I do something, then maybe it’ll make other people think about it differently. Maybe one of my fans will see me coming out and realize it’s okay for them, too. Or someone will accept their child better, or something. Small actions by individuals do make a difference, and the higher profile the individual the more impact the action has. I hate being exposed like this, but I feel… I feel like I have moral obligation to do it.”

 

“Then you have made your decision and should act on it. I will stand with you no matter what you choose, but you clearly feel that it is the correct choice.”

 

“You’re right.”

 

“Then make your plans. Contact your ‘publicist’ and discuss how you wish to go about it.”

 

“Okay, I’ll phone him.” Tom walked into his office and Loki went back to his reading. He’d finished his school work for the week already and was steadily making his way through Tom’s book collection.

 

He’d yet to go back to the videos without Tom’s guidance. Loki flatly refused to watch _War Horse_ as soon as he found out that Tom’s character died. The god fondly remembered the lost looking young man dreaming of his home, and it was more saddening than he might have thought to learn that he’d been killed.

 

They watched _High-Rise_ together, and Loki was struck that the film only somewhat resembled his experience of the realm. It took him awhile to realize that the setting on the screen was even the same place where he’d caused the blackout. He didn’t share that information with Tom; Loki didn’t think his mortal would approve given what happened in the film. Loki found the beautiful chaos of it appealing, and he said so. Tom seemed disconcerted, so Loki refrained from elaborating.

 

“No, listen Luke, I don’t care.”

 

Loki looked up. Tom rarely shouted. He wasn’t _exactly_ shouting now, but his voice was certainly raised.

 

“Yes, I know that it breaks my rules, and it’s a risk, but I’ve thought about it a lot. I need to do this.”

 

Loki noted the page he was on and set the book on the coffee table before getting up. He started the tea making process quietly in the kitchen before heading into Tom’s office.

 

“Yes. Yes I know. I understand that.” Tom looked up as Loki entered the room. The mortal was pacing the length of the room, free hand rubbing at his neck as he spoke, but he smiled at Loki and stopped pacing as the god approached. “Luke, get me an interview or you’re going to have to deal with the fallout from me kissing my boyfriend in front of the paparazzi, okay?”  

 

Loki snorted.

 

“Yes, I do have a boyfriend now.” Tom rolled his eyes. “I’m not just going to find some random bloke and snog him to make a point.”

 

The god laughed quietly. _He_ might do that, but Tom would not.

 

“Yes, yes him. You can see why I’m bringing this up, people are already asking questions.” There was a pause and Tom scowled and his eyes slid to Loki. “Yes, there’s a bit of an age difference, but…”

 

Loki covered his mouth to muffle the laugh that he couldn’t keep contained.

 

“I’ve dated _women_ who are ten years younger than myself before; this is not a big deal. You’re just looking for excuses…” Tom stopped talking and sighed heavily. “Yes, it is different.” Another pause. “Stephen Fry married a man who’s less than have his age. Nobody will even blink at this.” Tom walked over to the window and looked out. “No, not yet anyways.” Pause. “Yes, it is an option.” The mortal dropped his head against the glass with soft thud. “Can we drop that please? Just take care of setting up an interview. I don’t care with whom, just someone who will deal with it respectfully.”

 

Loki walked over and wrapped his arms around Tom’s waist and looked out the window over his shoulder.

 

“I’ve got to go, just email me details when you’ve got options. Goodbye.” Tom stabbed the mobile with an angry finger and dropped it on the desk. He laid his arms over Loki’s and sighed. “Why does everyone want to talk me out of this?”

 

Loki set his chin on Tom’s shoulder. “Because we do not wish to see you hurt, beloved. This will be difficult, and you _will_ be attacked for it.”

 

“I know.”

 

“Have you spoken with your family yet?”

 

“You mean, am I out to them, or have I told them about you?”

 

“I meant have you told them of your plans to announce it publicly.”

 

“Oh. No, I haven’t yet. I probably should.”

 

Loki chuckled into Tom’s shoulder. “Yes, you should.”

 

Tom sighed and picked up his mobile again. “I’ll start with Emma.”

 

Loki kissed Tom’s neck and disentangled himself. He returned to the kitchen; the water should be ready by now.

 

When he returned to the office with a cup for Tom, he was talking to his sister. “Thanks, Em, that means a lot to me. I know, you’re the best.” He accepted the mug, grinned at Loki, and mouthed “thank you” before taking a sip. “You can come over for dinner soon? I really want you to meet him. Yes? Tomorrow?” He looked at Loki expectantly. The god shrugged. It wasn’t as though he ever had plans. “Tomorrow works.” He sipped his tea again. “What do you think I should tell mum? I don’t think a text saying: ‘coming out publicly, prepare for storm’ will quite cut it.” He laughed. “Okay, I’ll come up with better phrasing. I’ll see you tomorrow. Love you.” This time the mobile went into Tom’s pocket.

 

“You sister sounds… supportive.”

 

“She is. She always has been. I have no idea how she’ll react to you, but she’s always stood by me, even when the rest of my family was… not so supportive.” Tom took another gulp of tea. “How did you learn to make such excellent tea?”

 

“I’ve made potions that required far greater precision than this for hundreds of years. Discerning the correct timing and formula for a beverage wasn’t difficult.”

 

“Attention to detail.”

 

Loki grinned. “Precisely.”

 

“Well, you’re the official tea-maker now.”

 

Loki raised an eyebrow at this, and bowed mockingly. “I am honored.”

 

Tom laughed and shoved him playfully. “Git.”

 

Loki smiled and pulled Tom in for a kiss. “Your git.”

 

“Yes, mine.” He kissed the corner of the god’s mouth. “Mine.” Kissed his jaw. “Mine.” Kissed his neck. “Mine.” Bit down where shoulder and neck met. “Mine.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case it wasn't clear that we were departing from reality in general, here we go. 
> 
> Obviously in fanfiction we play fast and loose with people's sexual orientation on a regular basis without dealing with the real world consequences of it. I've done my best to represent Tom respectfully in this, and tried to elucidate what I think his reasons would be for coming out or not, assuming he was bisexual. To be totally clear, I have no idea what his actual sexual orientation might be (other than he's probably interested in women, given his dating history). RPF is always tricky. I have to live with the fact that I'm writing about a real person who has a real life, and the way I've been able to cope with that is by deliberately divorcing my fiction from reality in a meaningful way, and yet still represent the individuals involved in a realistic and respectful way, and tie in real world events (Ace Comic Con will be coming in the next few chapters). Obviously I was blending fiction and reality already, what with Loki being real and all, but it would be all too easy for this to come across as slimy, and I want to not do that. I love and respect Tom far too much to do that. 
> 
> Alright, off my soapbox for the moment. Thanks for listening kids!


	14. Life

 

That evening, Emma came to visit them for dinner. Her reaction was: “yup, that’s complicated,” and she moved on. Loki was nonplussed by Tom’s little sister, but found her amusing; she had a similar sense of humor to Tom so they got along well enough.

 

Tom did his interview a couple of weeks later. The reception was mostly positive, but of course there were a few people who decided to take offense for various reasons. Some fans were just upset because Tom was in another relationship - as if that somehow made a difference to any of their lives - and didn’t care a jot about the gender of the person in question.

 

Some reacted hatefully, hurling vulgar words at them and threats of violence. Loki could tell that this struck at Tom like a blow, though he suspected the mortal’s stoic demeanor was sufficient to hide this from those who did not know him as intimately. Still, it wouldn’t do for these hateful, contemptible fools to get away with causing _his_ mortal pain, so Loki made sure to send various plagues their way, whatever struck his fancy in the moment. Insects, rats, illusions that only they could see. Small misfortunes, like a broken computer, so they could no longer spew their vitriol. The god found this a highly satisfying use of his talents, and what Tom didn't know wouldn't hurt him.

 

On the brighter side, things continued apace with the Less Relevant Mortal, as Loki continued to think of Ben. The three of them dallied together several times, though that was not the norm.

 

Tom was very, very happy.

 

Loki took all of this in stride. He continued with his classes, kept reading Tom’s books, and taught his mortal to use seidr.

 

During one particular group discussions for one of his classes, a classmate surprised Loki by actually asking him a personal question. Most of the time, they just talked about their readings, and occasionally people would talk about their personal lives. Loki had offered that he lived in London and that was all.

 

_Hey, Lucas, are you the same “Lucas Sterling” who’s dating Tom Hiddleston?_

 

Loki stared at the screen. _I am._

 

Random letters began to flood the screen. Mostly “OMG” and “WTF”.

 

_I’m not answering any questions about him or our sex life._

 

The reception to that ran the full range of modern human expression, as far as Loki could tell. All the way from: “Awww” to “Dude, totally fair.”

 

Loki chuckled. _Nor am I getting autographs for any of you._

 

The class collectively accepted this and moved on. The mortals' reactions amused Loki, but his “celebrity” status didn’t seem to change anything. He suspected that if he’d announced who he _actually_ was, the reaction would have been more pronounced. Or perhaps not; the young mortals in his class were remarkably easy going.

 

Shortly after that, Tom announced it was time to travel.

 

He had an engagement in the States, something called a “comic convention”. Loki was somewhat nervous about interacting with so many mortals, not to mention testing out his new identity in a more official capacity.

 

“I agreed to do this ages ago. I’m glad things are better now. I was worried I’d be a misery at the actual convention.”

 

Once on the plane, Loki wore his illusion easily, and all of his identification had passed muster, so he was able to relax into the spacious leather seat. He squeezed Tom’s hand. “I’m sure you would not have been ‘a misery’.” Loki couldn’t imagine Tom being anything but polite and cheerful to others, especially strangers. Fans even more so.

 

“I would have been in mourning, love, surrounded by people who cared, but not for the right reasons.”

 

“Ah.” Loki still struggled to picture it, but it made more sense now.

 

“It’s a pity that Chris couldn’t make it. It would have been nice for you two to actually meet.”

 

Loki shrugged. He’d had mixed feelings about meeting his brother’s lookalike, and had actually been relieved when he’d learned the Australian had dropped out of the convention. He wasn’t about to tell Tom that though; he knew his mortal had been looking forward to seeing his friend again.

 

“I’m sure there will be another time.”

 

“The premier of the next Avengers film at the latest.”

 

The god shifted in his wide leather seat. He didn’t want to see that film either, but since it was almost a year away, he wasn’t going to borrow trouble now. “I take it you are not close with any of the others who will be at this particular occasion?”

 

“Not as close as Chris, but we all get along with one another. It’s like one big family, really.”

 

Loki snorted. “Is that really the best analogy?”

 

Tom chuckled. “Your family is more complicated than most.”

 

The god smiled. “Indeed.”

 

“We’ll probably see the see the others before and after, but they’re going to be solid days of activity.”

 

“Would you like me to be with you for that?”

 

Tom shrugged. “You needn’t be. You’d be dreadfully bored, I expect.”

 

“I may explore on my own then.”

 

“That’s probably for the best. I’ll let you know when I have breaks and such.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“I know you’d rather be home.”

 

“I shall be fine, beloved.”

 

o0o

 

If Loki had harbored any worries about his acceptance by this group of Tom’s friends, they were quickly banished. Everyone was terribly polite and pleasant. The younger man named Tom - who was a few years younger than Lucas’s ostensible age - seemed very keen to make friends with him. Loki suspected that he likely would have acted that way towards anyone, but it was still nice.

 

Loki found the American contingent a little harder to bear. He’d grown accustomed to the low-energy pace of life in Britain, and the loud exuberance of these mortals - affable as they were - was a bit much. He retreated to the room the convention had given to Tom after a short time, but told his mortal to stay as long as he wanted with the others.

 

A few minutes later Loki heard a soft tap at the door. He set his book down and hopped off the bed to answer. A woman - about Tom's age - stood in the hallway.

 

“He’s in the other Tom’s room.”

 

She smiled. “I was actually checking to see if you were alright. I’m Hayley.”

 

Loki started. “Lucas.” They shook hands. “I’m fine, thank you for asking.” The lies slipped easily off his tongue. This woman had an accent similar to Tom’s, which was soothing after the brash Americans, as was her calm manner.

 

“I saw you slip out earlier when I was coming in. They can be a lot, I know.”

 

Loki nodded. “It’s hard not to feel like I’m missing something.” That was an understatement.Tom’s associates spent much of their time discussing sport and politics and history, and Loki had much catching up to do in these matters. He understood some of what they spoke of when they talked about the events that had happened in Loki’s native universe, but then then his perspective differed wildly since he had lived it while the others had acted it. He knew none of the people that these actors had portrayed - as he had with Ben and Doctor Strange - so he was even more removed. And since he’d never seen any of the films, barring the first few minutes of _Thor,_ he was left out entirely.  

 

“I do understand. Would you like some ‘low key’ company?” She smiled at her own pun.

 

Loki snorted. “Other than Tom, you mean? By all means.” He waved her into the room.

 

Hayley sat at the small table. “How is your brush with fame treating you?” she asked.

 

“As well as can be expected, I suppose.” Loki shrugged and sat as well. “Tom is a very private person, as I’m sure you know. I think the scrutiny on our relationship might be more of a strain on him than me.”

 

Hayley smiled. “No hordes of fangirls out for your blood?”

 

“Certainly not hordes. The fans have been very supportive, in general.” Loki had no regrets about the mischief he’d wreaked on the “haters”. Most of the fans had been enthusiastic, happy that their beloved Tom had finally found “the right man”. Tom was embarrassed by the whole thing, but Loki found it highly amusing.

 

“Ignoring those who disapprove is the right move.”

 

Loki raised an eyebrow. “In what way?”

 

She shrugged. “No good can come from feeding the trolls.”

 

He laughed. That was an Asgardian saying as well, and the meaning was not as far off as he might have thought. “I suppose that’s true.”

 

“But you’re alright? This is the first one of these events you’ve been to, isn’t it?”

 

“It is.” He nodded. “I don’t really know what to expect, to be honest.”

 

She smiled. “It should be fun. Try and enjoy yourself and if anyone gives you trouble, let us know.”

 

Loki started, again surprised by the graciousness of these mortal friends of Tom’s. “I doubt I’ll be recognized, but thank you.”

 

“Your Tom has some very devoted fans. Your picture is out there with him, so you’re identifiable.” Hayley leaned back in her chair. “If you’re planning on going out onto the floor, there’s a good chance that _someone_ will know who you are.”

 

Loki highly doubted that. “I’ll keep that in mind. I appreciate the advice.”

 

“Of course.” Haley smiled and got to her feet. “I’ll let you get back to your reading. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

He stood as well. “Tomorrow then.”

 

She left and Loki went back to bed. He fell asleep before Tom returned for the night. He awoke briefly when the mortal slipped in beside him and curled against his back; just long enough to notice, smile, and go back to sleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This last part of the chapter and the next take place at Ace Comic Con which took place in Seattle June of this year. I’ve played a bit fast and loose with the timeline (Friday is pretty much omitted and I’m fairly certain that certain people like - Hayley Atwell - weren’t there the whole time). Other aspects of it are very accurate.
> 
> ***
> 
> Holy crap guys, this story is officially COMPLETE! As always, my Beta has a life, so I'll continue to post biweekly, but with other stuff interspersed (did someone say "multiverse?" I think they did!).


	15. Con

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Loki attends a comic convention.

 

Loki wandered the convention by himself. The space where the con was being held was roughly divided into two areas with a hallway running parallel between them. One held several booths, enough seating for thousands, and the largest television screen he’d ever seen above a stage where the guests would sit. The other area was full of mortals selling things. Mostly art, but also books and clothing and the like. Beyond this was the area where the guests would be having their photos taken and then another area where they would be signing things. There were back hallways connecting these areas which the public didn’t have access to, though of course Loki did. Tom would be spending most of his days in those places. Loki regretted the time not spent together, but knew his mortal was right; he would be bored to tears.

 

Tom was busy interacting with fans who had paid for the privilege of meeting him in person rather than just gazing at him longingly from across the giant hall, so Loki was free to wander as he wished. There were a remarkable number of people dressed in costumes like the various Avengers and himself. Many of the mortals wore a red, black and blue costume that he didn’t recognize, and other forms of dress that were clearly costuming of _some_ kind. Some of the outfits were of a high quality, others frankly laughable. After awhile, he realized that, unlike in the rest of this Midgard, he could most likely walk around as _himself_ and no one would notice. Loki found a concealed spot and summoned his armor. He dropped the illusion he wore over his face and strode back out into the hall.

 

Over the next few hours, hundreds of these mortals complimented him on his “costume” and nearly as many requested for his photograph. His attire was the finest of everyone in the con, of course. It was crafted of Loki’s own designs, and made by the finest armorsmith’s in Asgard. No mortal home-sewing project could compare.

 

At one point, someone grabbed Loki, and attempted to corral him along with several others dressed as him for a massive group photo. Someone watching referred to this as “herding bags of cats” to collective amusement. Loki didn’t understand the reference and decided that he’d rather not know.

 

Several of the mortal “cosplayers” were women. It was hard to be sure, but he thought that more women than men were dressed in his likeness. Some of the mortals wore costumes that he recognized from his own wardrobe. Others were reminiscent of his style though nothing he’d ever owned, especially those worn by the women, many of whom wore fur cloaks which seemed excessive for the indoors. Loki saw shirts bearing his face - or Tom’s - dresses made with his helmet patterned all over, and bags in his colors with small gold horns. It was all very gratifying.  

 

Loki grinned through the entire affair. A couple of people approached him to say that he looked amazingly like the character Tom portrayed, but most simply they seemed to be impressed by the leatherwork on his armor and how easily he wore it. Eventually, he received a text from Tom that the mortal was finally done, and Loki drifted back to where he knew the actor would be.

 

As part of one of the “entourages”, Loki - or rather, Lucas, his mortal persona - had a wristband that allowed to access those areas where the public never went. He flashed it at the guard who let him into the back hallways and into the guest area. Tom lay draped over a sofa, but looked up when Loki came in. His eyes went wide, and Loki could see that Tom was swearing to himself as he got up.

 

The actor rushed towards him. “What the hell are you doing?”

 

“I believe it is called ‘cosplaying’.”

 

Tom smacked himself in the forehead. Hard.

 

“I received many compliments on my costume.”

 

“Loki…”

 

“Peace, beloved, there were many others; no one knows who I am. No one even thought that I might be you.”

 

Tom sighed and hung his head. “I should have known you would do something like this.”

 

“Has any harm come by it?”

 

His mortal sighed again and rubbed his eyes, fingers under his spectacles “Hopefully not.”

 

“I fail to see how it could. It was just a bit of fun.”

 

Tom snapped his head back up, eyes wide. “That never works out well.”

 

Loki opened his mouth and then it shut. “I suppose not. I shall change back.”

 

Tom sighed and nodded. “Please do.” He ran a hand through his hair and rubbed his eyes. Loki had never seen him look so utterly exhausted.

 

“Are you well?”

 

“I’m just tired. There are so many people, and I can’t engage with them. I want to, but this whole thing is overbooked and the people running it keep rushing everyone through. It’s infuriating.”

 

Loki made a small gesture to keep eyes off of them and banished his armor and reinstated his regular illusion. He pulled Tom against him. “I am sorry. It sounds like my day has been far more entertaining than yours.”

 

“Probably.” The mortal leaned heavily on the god. “It’s been a very long day.”

 

“You’ve taken too much on.”

 

“Perhaps. It might have been easier, if Chris had made it, but I’d still have to sign my name thousands of times and take thousands of pictures with people who are so excited, but I can’t spend more than 15 seconds with them. I hate it. I've had to cancel the Q&A portion of my talk tomorrow, I can't handle fending off all the personal questions that I'll get. I'm just so tired.”

 

Loki kissed the top of Tom’s head. “Are you free now? We can go back to the hotel and you can rest.”

 

He nodded. “We can go, yes.” Tom signaled to his assistant, Luke; the entirely irrelevant mortal had been hovering in the background. Luke nodded and walked out. “What have you been up to? Other than creating mischief.”

 

“You would be proud of me, beloved. I conversed with many mortals today in a most friendly manner.”

 

Tom sighed. “I am proud of you for that.”

 

“Most people were very complimentary and polite. You are very well loved here.”

 

The mortal gave a small tired smile. “Given the length of the queues, that makes sense.”

 

“Apparently there is a great deal of outrage over my death.” Loki grinned. “It’s most gratifying.”

 

Tom chuckled. “I’m not surprised by that either.” He looked up. “Ah, the car’s ready. Let’s go.”

 

“Very well.” Loki followed the mortal, and reflected - not for the first time - that it was a good thing he was desperately in love with Tom. Being chastised for his mischief was not something he took kindly to, and he would not have tolerated it from anyone else. However, Loki recognized that Tom’s moral compass was vastly superior to his own, and it was probably in his best interests to follow the human’s lead, even above his desire to make Tom happy. It was also likely that his mortal’s exhaustion was making him much less tolerant than usual.

 

“Has the day been terribly bad?”

 

“It’s not at all what I was hoping for.”

 

There was a great deal left unsaid there. “That’s most unfortunate.”

 

Tom nodded. “In the few conversations I’ve actually managed to have, I haven’t even been able to say anything.”

 

Loki frowned. “They are asking about the future of your films?”

 

“Of course they are, and I can’t say a thing.” The mortal gave a tired chuckle. “Of course, I’d love to say, ‘yes, Loki is alive and well and wandering around this convention,’ but that wouldn’t go over well.”

 

Loki snickered. “Well I was.”

 

“I know, but it still won’t do.” Tom wrapped his arm around Loki’s shoulders. “I’m glad you’re here, mischief notwithstanding.”

 

“I cannot change what I am.”

 

Tom took a deep breath and let it out slowly. It wasn’t quite a sigh. “I know. And I do love what you are, I just wish you’d be more sensible.”

 

“There was very little risk to what I did, beloved. Only someone who knew that I existed in your realm would possibly look at me and think ‘wait, is that actually the god of mischief in our midst?’ You are aware that I am here, therefore you see the risk. It's far more reasonable to assume that I have a superior costume and simply resemble you. People do not see the unexpected.”

 

Tom huffed a small laugh. “Fine, bring logic into it. Very well, you’re forgiven.”

 

Loki smiled as they climbed into the waiting car. “I do wish I could help you though.”

 

Tom shrugged. “I don’t see how you could, though I may need your help with getting a good night’s sleep.”

 

Loki kissed his temple. “Of course, beloved.”

 

The car ride wasn’t long, and soon enough they were spilling into their hotel room. Tom headed into the bath while Loki ordered food for them. Tom emerged twenty minutes later in pajamas - which he never wore at home - drying his hair with a fluffy white towel. He flopped onto the bed face first.

 

Loki frowned. This was an unacceptable level of exhaustion.

 

There was a soft tap at the door, and the god answered to let the room service person in. The tray was left on the table and they were alone again. Loki brought over one of the sandwiches he’d ordered and placed it on the bedside table. “You must eat, my love.”

 

Tom sighed and pulled himself up into a sitting position. “If you insist.” The mortal ate mechanically at first, then with greater enthusiasm as he recognized that he was starving. Loki got up and retrieved the rest of the food and brought it over and ate some himself.

 

“I hadn’t realized that ‘fries’ were the same thing as ‘chips’.” Loki examined the long thing wedge of fried potato in his hand.

 

Tom laughed. “Americans are strange. They call crisps ‘chips’, which can get very confusing. But at least half of us who are here are British.”

 

“The other guests you mean?”

 

Tom nodded. “The other Tom, Hayley, Paul. Of course we’ve all worked here enough that Americanisms aren’t too confusing. Whatever you do, if you see pudding on the menu in an American restaurant, do not order it.”

 

“Whyever not?”

 

“They mean something very different than we do by the word ‘pudding’ and it will probably be unbearable sweet.”

 

Loki frowned. This might be something to research later. “I quite like these chips. Fries. Whatever they’re called.”

 

Tom chuckled. “It’s difficult to mess those up.” He yawned hugely. “I’m sorry love, I think I’ve had it for the night.”

 

The mortal’s plate was mostly empty. “Then sleep.” He took the plate from Tom’s hands and took it back over to the table. By the time he god back, his lover had curled up under the blankets looking thin and wan. Loki brushed his fingers over Tom’s temples and pushed a small amount of seidr into him with the command to sleep and sleep deeply. The mortal smiled and drifted into slumber.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So more notes on Ace. I was actually there, so a lot of the details are taken directly from the con itself, though there are more of those in the next chapter. To the best of my knowledge, Loki was _not_ wandering around cosplaying himself (none of the cosplayers were nearly at that level, myself included), but Tom did indeed look dead tired.


	16. Comfort

 

Sunday morning dawned with an enthusiastic knock at their door. Loki answered, and the other actor named Tom, the younger one, spilled into their room.

 

“The match is on in five minutes,” the young man enthused, holding up a tablet computer.

 

Tom sat up. Loki was happy to see that he looked much better today. “Brilliant!”

 

“Match?”

 

“Football,” Tom - Loki’s Tom - replied.

 

“Ah.” The god had not been able to acquire his mortal’s enthusiasm for sport. It seemed like a poor replacement for battle to him. “I’m going to see if anyone else is up.” Loki retrieved his dressing gown and left the room as the two Toms sat watching their sport on the bed in their pajamas.

 

He ran into Hayley a few moments later and they chatted while having tea in her room, which was pleasantly normal.

 

“What sort of questions have you been asked?” Loki asked over his second cup.

 

“A few people have asked about upcoming projects, but that’s it.” She smiled. “It’s actually been very nice, many of the young women I’ve interacted with have mentioned how much of a role model Peggy has been for them. I never expected that back when I took the part; it wasn’t until after I started getting feedback from fans that I realized quite how influential she was.”

 

“That must be very gratifying.”

 

“It is. Female representation is something that the superhero genre has struggled with.”

 

Loki nodded. “I heard a few people talking about that. Also representation of gay characters. Some people are choosing to see Tom coming out as bisexual as some sort of confirmation of what his character is like, though I don’t believe that he had that in mind.” The god knew that it was relatively accurate, but could hardly share that information.

 

“Of course people would say that.” Hayley nodded and sipped her tea. “It’s not as though there’s any other applicable content in the films.”

 

“It’s not something he’s happy about. I suspect it played a role in his decision to come out rather than keep our relationship more private. There is a sad lack.” Loki had been intrigued by Tom’s description of what had happened on Sakaar in the films. The god was not at all surprised by the omission of his rise to power in Thor’s absence - given the age-based rating system Tom had explained to him - and had flatly refused to explain what had actually happened. But the Valkyrie’s current lover had been completely removed, even though she had played a role in their adventures.

 

Asgardians based their sexual mores on the acts performed rather than the individuals involved, so it was not uncommon to have lovers of any gender. Or of other species, though cultural constraints applied there. Only a truly adventurous Asgardian would take a Dwarf as a lover, and a Giant of any kind was unthinkable. Especially the Jotun. Loki could think of few things that would be more of an anathema.  

 

He sighed.

 

Hayley smiled at him and patted his hand. “We’ll get there eventually.”

 

The god smiled, though she had no idea  she was comforting him for the wrong reason. “Hopefully.”

 

o0o

 

Tom came and found him shortly thereafter and took him back to the room. “How are you feeling?” Loki asked as they were getting ready for the day.

 

“Better. I’m hoping today will be… slower.”

 

“Indeed. If it becomes too much, I can take your place for a while.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

Loki recolored himself and changed his hair to look like Tom’s. The mortal stared at him, his mouth hanging open. “Alright, that’s uncanny.”

 

The god laughed - one of Tom’s laugh rather than his own - and smiled one of the human’s sunshine smiles. “I find it amusing that our usual differences are sufficient for you to feel that way.”

 

“They are. I never feel like you’re actually me, you know.”

 

“I do know, beloved. I simply wish to assist you if I may.”

 

Tom looked him up and down. “You could certainly do photos, no problem. You would be bored to tears though.”

 

Loki grinned his own wicked smile. “I’m sure I could find a way to amuse myself.”

 

“Ah, no. Let’s just stick with the plan. I wish I’d known you could do this yesterday. It would have been far easier if there had been two of me.”

 

The god shifted back to his normal coloring. He considered keeping his hair short, but let it fall down his back in it’s usual mass of gentle waves. “For future reference, I can assume your form easily and for any amount of time needed; it’s a very minor shift. I don’t advise there being two of you, however, as amusing as the resulting chaos would be.”

 

Tom chuckled. “That’s a fair point.”

 

“If you wish for the world to be unaware of my true existence, we should avoid public displays of magic.”

 

Tom laughed. “Public displays of magic. What a fantastic phrase.”

 

Loki grinned.

 

o0o

 

Sunday was indeed more calm. Loki wandered around looking at the art on display - a bit annoyed that there wasn’t more art of _him_ \- avoiding the massive queues. He watched Hayley speak, since he’d become fond of the mortal. The humans - mostly young women - did seem to adore her. The way she talked about acting was very interesting, and somewhat different than the way that Tom talked about it, even though they had a similar background and skill set.

 

After she finished, Loki set off to wander more, and eventually found his way down one of the back hallways that he’d discovered in his explorations the previous day. He was greeted by the sound of someone crying. He almost stumbled over a young Midgardian woman sitting on the floor, arms wrapped around her legs, head on her knees.

 

“Oh, sorry.”

 

She looked up and sniffed. “It’s okay.”

 

Something tugged at him. “Are you alright?”

 

She nodded, then shook her head.

 

An uncomfortable feeling appeared in Loki’s chest. After a few unpleasant moments, he realized it was sympathy. He slid down the wall and sat beside her. “What’s wrong?”

 

She shrugged. “You’ll laugh.”

 

“I promise I won’t.”

 

She shifted slightly so that she was facing him. He could see that she was wearing a t-shirt that said “Loki Lives”. He smiled. “I like your shirt.”

 

The girl blushed. “Thanks.”

 

“I think you’re right.” He nodded at the lettering. “I think Loki’s fine.”

 

“I hope so.” She sniffed again, and tears started falling.

 

“Will you tell me why you’re upset?”

 

“I… promise you won’t laugh?”

 

“I do.” Loki made and X over his heart in the manner he’d seen mortals do on television.

 

“I… I wanted to meet Tom so badly. I really did. I’ve been thinking about it - nervous about it - for months and... and, when it happened, it was so short. I don’t even remember what he said. I was so nervous and it was loud, and I don’t remember. I think he said he liked my costume? And then, when I got his autograph, he just seemed so tired. And I wanted to ask him a question, and tell him how much he means to me, and I couldn't. I just wanted to talk to him, you know? Just for a minute. I know I should be grateful that I even got the thirty seconds that I did, but all I can think about it is how I didn’t get to say anything. Isn’t that silly?” She looked at him with wide, vulnerable eyes.

 

Loki shook his head. “No, it’s not silly. You built something up in your mind, and it didn’t come true. Disappointment is always hard. Have you enjoyed yourself other than that?”

 

She nodded. “I’ve met some really nice people. Other fans. It’s been good to not have to worry about being judged for being i-... for loving a fictional character.”

 

He considered revealing himself right then and there, but after the talking to he got yesterday, Loki knew that Tom would not approve. “You can’t let your disappointment get in the way of remembering the good things. I know it’s difficult.”

 

“I wish I could go back in time and do things differently.”

 

Loki nodded. “I understand that, too.” He’d made so many bad choices with his life, but if he’d made any of them differently, would he be here now? Likely not. If he’d never discovered his true lineage, he would never have performed any of the acts that lead him to fall from the bifrost. That time was terrible - he didn’t want to remember it - but every act brought him along a path to where he was right now. He was happy with his life. Happier than he’d ever been, and Tom’s compassion, his empathy, was largely responsible. “Can you keep a secret?”

 

The girl nodded. “Of course.”

 

Loki looked around. They were alone, but just to be certain, he cast a small spell to shield them from prying eyes. “You promise?”

 

“I promise.”

 

Loki dropped his illusion.

 

“Oh my god.” The girl’s eyes went wide. “You’re… you’re…”

 

He grinned a wide, wicked grin. Then he pressed a finger to his lips and shushed her. The young woman clapped her hands over her mouth and nodded, eyes even wider. “You can’t tell anyone.” She shook her head. “Now, what was your question for Tom?”

 

“I… I wanted to know if he actually put itching powder in the Iron Man suit.”

 

Loki laughed. “He did.”

 

Her eyes went even wider, which really shouldn’t be possible for a human. “You know him?”

 

“Very well.” Loki grinned.

 

“Wait.” Her eyes narrowed. “You’re actually his boyfriend, aren’t you? I thought I recognized you before.”

 

He nodded and gestured to his face. “I can’t exactly go around looking like this out in public, can I?”

 

“I guess not.”

 

“Now you’re not going to tell anyone about this, right?”

 

“Of course not! Nobody would believe me anyways.”

 

“There is that.” Mortals were so narrow minded.

 

She frowned. “Is Tom okay?”

 

Loki sighed. “You were right, he’s very tired, but he’s fine.”

 

“Good. Will you… will you tell him that we all love him?”

 

“I’ll tell him. He knows, but yes, I’ll tell him.”

 

She smiled. “We love you too.”

 

Loki grinned back. “Of course you do.”

 

She giggled. “I’m really glad you’re alright. I cried when you died.”

 

“If understand correctly, it was necessary.”

 

“Oh.” She frowned, then nodded. “I guess that makes sense.”

 

He raised an eyebrow. “You’re accepting this very easily.”

 

She shrugged. “Either I’m crazy or you’re real. Either way, I’m having a conversation with you.”

 

The god laughed. “That’s very much like what Tom said when we first met.”

 

She giggled.

 

Loki felt his mobile vibrate in his pocket and pulled it out. Tom was done with his chores for the day. “I have to go.”

 

“Okay. Thank you so much for stopping to talk to me. And showing me, you know.”

 

“You’re quite welcome.”

 

“You’re a lot nicer than I would expect.”

 

Loki chuckled. “Entirely Tom’s influence, I assure you. And I still get up to plenty of mischief.”

 

She looked at him closely. “You were one of the cosplayers yesterday, weren’t you?”

 

He grinned. “Would I take such a risk?”

 

She paused, looking off into the distance for a second. Then she smiled. “Yes.”

 

The god laughed and got to his feet. “Good afternoon, mortal.”

 

“Bye Loki.” She waved and Loki strode off.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Toms Hiddleston and Holland did indeed watch a World Cup match together in their pajamas. I thought that was the most adorable thing I'd ever heard, so it had to go in. 
> 
> So, I didn’t meet Loki, but yeah, that was basically me at the end there. I didn’t cry in a back hallway (though there was at least one person who did for exactly that reason) but that was otherwise very much my experience. Writing this chapter was very therapeutic.
> 
> And as usual, I have opinions.


	17. Dream

 

Tom hated sleeping on planes, and even though he’d gotten used to it after years of forced practice due to his career, he still slept poorly. Loki could spell him into magical slumber, of course, but it was still a relief to be home and sleeping in their bed instead of a hotel. However, now that he was home in his own bed - god snoring very softly by his side - Tom could inexplicably not sleep.

 

He had many things on his mind over the last few days: the con, Loki’s mischief, the god’s success at adapting to normal life, the scrutiny that the public and the media were giving to their relationship. But he wasn’t focused on any of those things right now. He was thinking about how lucky he was that Loki managed to make it back to him at all. The odds seemed against it happening. Even if the god had managed to escape the death that fate - and the script - had allotted for him, he might never have been able to come back to Tom’s universe safely without the Tesseract. Loki had explained how it had happened, but it was just so _unlikely_ that Tom had a hard time reconciling it. Another Tom and another Loki in another universe in a relationship? Even if that relationship was quite different, that Tom must be something like him. But could they really be so similar that Loki could accidentally psychically bind himself to that other Tom?

 

Perhaps he was overthinking. The multiverse was a huge - infinite? - and strange place, and given what he and Loki had seen while they explored using the Tesseract, was it really that odd? No, that it happened wasn’t strange; if many words theory was correct, absolutely _everything_ happened in an infinite multiverse.

 

What struck Tom was that it happened to _them._ He wanted to think that there was a reason for it, but couldn’t quite bring himself to believe that it was anything other than a bizarre coincidence. Whatever had brought their lives to this point, he was grateful. And with that thought, he tucked himself more firmly against Loki’s back and drifted off to sleep.

 

o0o

 

Tom opens his eyes, and his vision fills with gray.  The interior of a spacious gray stone building. It’s chill and open, a church or temple, a black stone altar in the center. He’s naked, and not alone. Someone stands beside him. He looks over to see... himself.

 

“Hello,” Tom says.

 

The other Tom looks at him with wide eyes. “Hi.” He looks Tom up and down. “You’re me.”

 

“I am.”

 

“Did he summon you?”

 

Tom blinks. “Loki?”

 

Other-Tom nods.

 

“No, I don’t think so. I wanted to meet you, and apparently my subconscious made it happen.”

 

The other Tom rubs his collarbone, a gesture so familiar that it’s eerie. “How… how do you know me? I mean, obviously we’re the same person, but I’ve never encountered another ‘me’ before.”

 

“What about Loki?” Tom asks.

 

Other-Tom shakes his head. “I just play him in films. We’re not the same.”

 

“I have my own Loki, you know. I play him too, but he says that we are the same.”

 

Other-Tom rubs his chin. “You’re… you’re from that other universe, aren’t you? Your Loki accidentally attached himself to me.”

 

Tom nods. “And your Loki saved mine’s life.”

 

“Saved him? He didn’t tell me anything about that.”

 

Tom raises an eyebrow. “Huh.” He looks over the duplicate. This version holds himself differently. He’s stronger somehow, but also more…meek. Deferential. “Does yours not talk much?”

 

Other-Tom shrugs. “We don’t see each other than often and when we do, he tends to have other things on his mind.” He blushes and looks away.

 

“So you don’t spend a lot of time together?”

 

“He’s always with me. In my head.” He pauses. “He visits me in the real world occasionally, too, but generally,” Other-Tom waves a hand at the gray stone, “we dream.”

 

“That is different,” Tom mutters. “So you don’t live together?”

 

Other-Tom splutters. “He doesn’t _live_ anywhere. He’s not a _person_ , he’s a God.”

 

“My Loki is definitely a person. Powerful and amazing, but a person.”

 

The other Tom looks at him and shakes his head slowly. There is something strange about his demeanor, and it takes Tom a moment to realize what it is. This other version _pities_ him. That’s just…

 

 **_Two mortals today? Have I been especially good?_ ** Loki’s amused voice flows out from the world around them. Tom looks up, but he can’t see the source. He glances over at Other-Tom…

 

Other-Tom is on his knees.

 

A swirl of green smoke comes from nowhere and coalesces into a the form of a god. An extremely naked god. Tom cocks his head to the side and appraises this version of Loki. He’s pretty much the same physically - beautiful in an almost inhuman way - but when Tom switches to the magical perception that Loki’s been teaching him, the God is a blinding inferno of energy. Black and green streams swirl about Loki, along with streaks of flame, reaching out to touch everything around him, almost like the tentacles of some sea beast deep in the water. A strip of fire caresses Other-Tom; the kneeling man shivers. It reaches out towards Tom, but stops short of his bare skin.

 

“You possess magic,” the other Loki observes. He eyes Tom up and down like he’s surveying quality merchandise at an auction house. “Is that how you came to visit my priest?”

 

“It is.”

 

“That is most interesting.” Loki walks around the pair of Toms, one on his feet, one on his knees. “Was it bestowed upon you by your god?”

 

Tom shakes his head. “I’ve always had it.”

 

“Fascinating.” Loki leans in, close and quick, his face near enough to kiss Tom on the lips, though he doesn't. His eyes are a brilliant emerald green, much darker than the pale orbs of his own Loki. The god moves his hand as though to caress Tom’s cheek, but stops a millimeter away from touching. Tom feels the energy flowing off Loki’s skin onto his own and suppresses a shiver. The magic is hot enough to burn with its raw intensity. “I can see why he cares for you so much.”

 

Tom raises his eyebrows. He wants to say: _You don't care for yours?_ But that would likely be suicidal in this context. This Loki, this creature, this _God_ , could crack his skull and his soul simultaneously with no effort and probably not remember it the next day. Tom doesn’t think that  resemblance to the God’s… pet? plaything? possession? would save him from a terrible death.

 

“I wanted to thank you,” Tom says instead, “for helping my Loki to come back to me.”

 

Loki smiles, wide and charming. “It was nothing.”

 

“It wasn't nothing for us. I would never have seen him again if it weren't for you.”

 

“You are most welcome then,” the God replies. He looks at Tom steadily for a long moment.  “Would you be willing to carry something to him now?”

 

“If I can, certainly.”

 

Loki’s smile widens into a grin too broad for his face to hold. It is alien, terrifying, and somehow still beautiful. “Excellent.” He grabs the back of Tom's neck and pulls him into a kiss. It burns like fire pouring down his throat. Like rot-gut whiskey or extra-hot curry or being fucked with no prep at all. Tom moans into the God's mouth. After a moment Loki pulls away and laughs.

 

“Go home, little mortal. Give your god my gift.”

 

The God's eyes shift to the kneeling man and the magic surrounds the two of them. Flames swirl around Loki’s nude form while green ribbons of light wrap themselves around the other human. Other-Tom has barely moved since Loki appeared, but now he looks up. His sky-blue eyes are wide; his focus completely and utterly on his God. His face is a study of pure adoration, rapture, _worship._ He seems to have forgotten the there's another person there, or perhaps he doesn’t care; the God is his whole world. Loki steps towards his supplicant, fingers under the human's chin, tilting his face up, and Other-Tom smiles. It’s glorious, radiant, intimate, devoted, expectant.

 

Tom shudders and looks away. He doesn’t want to see. He pulls on the cord back to his body, and leaves this universe behind.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love the big G God version of Loki too much for him to not come up again. This scene takes place some time after “Drowning Narcissus” and that Tom and Loki’s relationship has… progressed.


	18. Gift

 

Tom woke up to a concerned god looking down at him. “Are you well, beloved?”

 

He nodded, a quick jerk of his head. “I have something for you.”

 

Loki blinked. “What?”

 

“It’s from the other Loki. The one who saved you.”

 

The god scowled. “He spoke with you? Did he invade your dreams?”

 

Tom shook his head. “I ended up in the other Tom’s dream.”

 

Loki’s mouth dropped open. “You slipped across universes _in your sleep?”_

 

The human shrugged. “I suppose.”

 

Loki shook his head, wide eyed. “You are amazing.”

 

“I didn’t do it on purpose.”

 

“That’s what makes it so extraordinary.”

 

Tom shrugged again. “Do you want this gift or not?”

 

“Better with me than you, I think.”

 

The magic blazed like liquid flame in his belly, and he wasn’t sure how to pass it along, but Loki seemed to know. The god leaned down and pressed his mouth to his lover’s. Power spilled up and out of Tom’s mouth, pouring through their lips. It burned on the way out, as it had when he’d received it; that wonderful, intolerable heat that was just barely too much. Too much and not enough all at once. Tom felt Loki gasp against his lips and shudder.

 

Loki jerked - whole body going stiff - then fell back onto the bed beside Tom. He lay unmoving for a moment, and just stared up at the ceiling with wide, blank eyes.

 

Tom pushed himself up onto his elbow and looked down at the god. “Love?”

 

Loki blinked.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

He blinked again.

 

“Loki? Say something, please.”

 

The god opened his mouth, but no sound came out. He frowned and blinked again.

 

“If that bastard hurt you, I’m heading straight back over there and…”

 

“I…” Loki’s voice was rough, as if he’d been screaming. “I’m alright.”

 

Tom’s shoulders fell. “Thank god.”

 

“Indeed.”

 

The mortal chuckled. “What did he give you?”

 

Loki shook his head. “I’ve no idea. Something intensely powerful.” He placed a hand on his belly. “I can feel it, but I don’t know what it is.”

 

“That seems… not good.”

 

“I don’t know, beloved, it may be quite good. His last gift was timely and most helpful. He is an atemporal being, so he may be aware of something that will be invaluable to us in the future.”

 

“But why is helping us at all? He’s so,” Tom threw his hands up, “self absorbed.”

 

Loki laughed.

 

“What?”

 

“I find it amusing that you’ve taken such a dislike to my other self.”

 

Tom frowned. “He tried to kill you. Not to mention the way he treats the other me.”

 

“Oh?”

 

“Well, my alternate self does seem fine with it, but when you said he was a slave that wasn’t far off.” Tom rubbed at his collarbone. “I don’t think it’s wrong to say that he literally worships the other Loki.”

 

“He’s a priest; that’s what they do.”

 

“Not like that they don’t.”

 

Loki chuckled. “Many centuries ago, that’s exactly how a priest would worship their gods. Don’t look at me like that, beloved. Look to your own history. It was not uncommon for a priest and priestess to perform sacred unions to appease the gods. It was believed that the gods took possession of their bodies during the act, and sometimes it was true.”

 

“Did you get offered virgin sacrifices or something?”

 

Loki chuckled and shrugged. “I am a god who should be appeased.”

 

Tom groaned and flopped back on the bed.

 

“I’ve never taken anyone unwilling, beloved. And there were those who _had_ been coerced, and other gods who would be less careful.”

 

“Asgard was terrible.”

 

“I agree completely.” Loki drew his fingertips across his own stomach, where the power lay.

 

Tom glanced at the movement. “How did you know what to do with the other Loki’s magic last time?”

 

“It made itself known to me.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“It… revealed its nature as I was contemplating what to do. Once I realized that it was the ability to travel between realms, it was clear that I could return to you, and it seemed as though that’s what he had intended. It did not take long, but I had to… to move with intention before anything happened.”

 

“So it came up once you needed it?”

 

“Precisely.”

 

“So you think the same thing will happen with this? That it will ‘make itself known’ when the time comes?”

 

“I am a chaotic creature, beloved, and I suspect that is even more true of my more powerful counterpart so there is no way to be certain, but that is my hypothesis. He may be unpredictable, but I doubt that he bears us any ill will.”

 

Tom shifted so that his head rested more comfortably against Loki’s shoulder. “He didn’t seem upset with my being there, more surprised and amused.”

 

“That’s most likely how I would react.”

 

“I was frankly a little surprised that he didn’t try to seduce me. He did kiss me, but it was just to transfer his ‘gift’.”

 

Loki wrapped his arms around Tom a little more snugly. “I suspect he was, ah, respecting my territory. He would think that I wouldn’t appreciate his attentions on you.”

 

Tom laughed. “Not willing to share with yourself?”

 

“He wasn't happy sharing, so he would assume the same of me. I would certainly not have blamed you if he had seduced you. Or if you had wanted to be seduced.”

 

“I didn’t want that, but I’m not sure I could have helped myself if he’d tried.”

 

“He is quite like me, and extremely powerful.”

 

“Yes, but I don’t think I would want he and his Tom have.”

 

“No?”

 

“No. The other Tom was completely subservient to his Loki. I want a partner, not a… I’m not even sure what to call it.”

 

“I believe the technical term commonly used in your realm is Dom, but Master or God would also be appropriate.”

 

“How do you…”

 

“I have the internet, beloved.”

 

Tom laughed. “True enough.”

 

“So you would prefer to keep our relationship as it is?” Loki’s tone was joking, but Tom sensed a serious question below it.

 

“I don’t object to change, but I don’t think I want _that.”_

 

The god smiled. “I shall continue to ask for you to kneel rather than assume it, then.”

 

“You’d best ask nicely at that.”

 

Loki chuckled. “As you wish, beloved.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey look, plot.


	19. Sex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to earn our M rating, kids! Also, this chapter contains suppositions based on minor spoilers for Avengers IV. If neither of those things are your thing, feel free to skip this chapter. You won’t miss anything important to the plot. Also, there is a plot.

 

 

Tom loved to dance; Loki was good at dancing and wanted to make Tom happy. He also loved to _watch_ Tom dance, so they went dancing. Loki didn't care for the overly crowded club, though he enjoyed... observing the mortals as they moved to the music. The fact that the whole thing was clearly all about sex - mainly acquiring it - both amused and annoyed him. Then again, most dancing was some kind of mating ritual; humans were no different.

 

But Tom's lust darkened eyes on him in the twilight of the club were irresistible. His mortal danced like he was free of every care, like there was nothing but the music and his body; a perfect balance of attention and abandon. And when that focus fell on Loki, it was earth shattering. Tom had a look while he danced, up through his lashes, a half smile on his face. It said “I know I’m turning you on and I love it.” And Oh Norns, it was true. There were times that he couldn’t keep his hands off his gorgeous mortal. Keep their hands off each other.

 

It was a good thing that their relationship was already public; it couldn’t possibly be a secret at this point. Two good looking men of well over six feet “snogging like teenagers”, as Tom put it, on the dance-floor was hardly subtle.

 

Tom pushed the god up against a wall near the bar and kissed him. “God, I love watching you,” he muttered into Loki’s ear. “You’re like sex on legs out there.”

 

Loki licked a wide stripe along the mortal’s neck. He tasted of salt and desire. “I could say the same of you, beloved. In fact,” he bit down lightly, “I shall. Watching you dance makes me want to take across the bar, no matter who would be watching.”

 

Tom groaned in his ear. “Fuck, let’s just go home.”

 

“You do not wish to continue dancing?” The god rolled his hips into the mortal’s.

 

Tom moaned at the contact. “Not unless you fancy a quick shag in the gents, no.”

 

Loki chuckled. “That sounds… unsanitary.”

 

“Well, unless you know how to teleport and have been keeping it from me all this time, we should leave.”

 

“Not without the Tesseract, I’m afraid.”

 

“Then let’s go.”

 

So they went. Tom’s hand rode in the back pocket of Loki’s black jeans, Loki’s curled Tom’s opposite hip, long fingers under the waistband of his jeans and pants. The summer evening had turned chill, and their sweat soaked shirts clung to them like second skins. Tom shivered and Loki pulled the mortal close, though the god never noticed the cold himself. The walk back to the flat took three times as long as it should, since they kept getting distracted, one of them pushing the other against a nearby wall, all hips and tongues.

 

As was often the case when they went out together, they didn’t make it past the sitting room before their clothes were gone. Barely made it to the sofa at all before hands and mouths ran away with one another and they spiraled away.

 

o0o

 

Loki woke to Tom’s mobile ringing. He was half draped over his mortal, the two of them spilling off the sofa. Tom reached out blindly before recognizing where they were, that his mobile wasn’t in it’s usual spot on the nightstand, nor was he in bed, and in fact his mobile was in his jeans pocket somewhere halfway across the room.

 

“Move, will you please love?”

 

Loki rolled off of Tom and onto the floor, catching himself easily before he impacted. The mortal stepped over him and scrambled for the trousers.

 

“Hello?”

 

Loki picked himself up and stalked into the kitchen naked to put the kettle on.

 

“Yes?”

 

Urgh, sleeping on the sofa always gave him stiff neck. Loki stretched his spine as he crossed the kitchen.

 

“Oh.”

 

The god grumbled to himself as he searched the tea cabinet. They were out of his favorite blend. That was irritating.

 

“Okay, when?”

 

Maybe Darjeeling today? That might be acceptable.

 

“Ah. Yes.”

 

Loki grabbed the tin and pried it open, careful not to bend the metal.

 

“Certainly.”

 

Suddenly Tom’s tone hit him. His mortal was nervous, Loki just hadn’t been awake enough to recognize it. He looked over to see Tom looking back at him with wide eyes and a down-turned mouth. The god raised an eyebrow at the mortal, who shook his head. He’d have to be patient then.

 

“Okay, I’ll email when I have my flight set up.”

 

Flight? Tom had to go somewhere again? So soon?

 

“Right, bye.” Tom sat on the sofa, set the mobile on the table, and put his head in his hands.

 

“What is it, beloved?”

 

“I need to fly out to the States again. They need me to film some pick-ups.”

 

“But we just got home.” Loki tried not to whine and failed.

 

“I know, but I need to go.”

 

“Very well. How long will you need to stay?”

 

“Just a few days, but love…”

 

Loki looked up sharply at the mortal’s tone. “Yes?”

 

“I think you should stay here.”

 

The god’s eyes went wide. “Why?”

 

“I’m going to be playing you.”

 

“But… I thought I was meant to be dead?”

 

Tom sighed. “It’s complicated.”

 

“But…”

 

“Loki, I really don’t think it’s a good idea to talk about this.”

 

The god glared at the mortal, who glared right back.

 

Loki sighed. “You’re not going to back down on this, are you?”

 

Tom crossed his arms over his chest and shook his head.

 

“But I wish to see you playing me.” Loki realized that he probably sounded petulant, but he’d thought that he’d never be able to see Tom play his character in person, and here was an opportunity to do so.

 

“Darling, I can bring a costume home if you want.”

 

“That’s not at all the same.” He glared, hoping to add a bit of sting to his otherwise rather childish outburst.

 

“Yes, well.” Tom rubbed the back of his head and looked away. Pinched his nose with the other hand and sighed. “Very well, you can come with me, but you’re not to come on-set.”

 

Loki grinned. “Thank you beloved.” He kissed Tom’s cheek.

 

Tom sighed again. “You never ask for anything, I suppose it’s only fair. But you’re to stay off the set at all times, understand? No sneaking in. Promise?”

 

“As long as I may see you in your full costume, I promise.”

 

“Okay, I’ll make it happen.”

 

Tom smiled.

 

Then grinned.

 

Then laughed.

 

“You’ve had sex with your own clones, haven’t you?”

 

Loki snickered. “Of course. Every young magician does as soon as they’re able to conjure a duplicate. It’s not nearly as interesting as one might think.”

 

“Ah, so you want to make it interesting.”

 

“Everything with you is interesting, we have no need of costumes for that.” Loki wrapped his hand along the side of his mortal’s neck. “I simply wish to see you in all that leather and peel it off of you.”

 

Tom smiled and kissed the inside of god’s wrist. “My hair won’t be as nice as yours. Or mine.”

 

“I’ll live with the disappointment.”

 

o0o

 

Loki decided that he hated this part of the county, wherever they were. At least the weather in Seattle had been pleasant. It was so hot here, and he was very bored. Tom was gone all day and Loki knew that if he tried to sneak on-set, even astrally, Tom would find out and be very upset with him. At this point, the mortal could detect his magic relatively well - he’d been practicing seeing through Loki’s illusions for months now - so the god wasn’t willing to take the risk. Besides, he hadn't broken a promise to Tom yet.

 

But when Tom arrived late that evening in a set of armor identical to Loki’s, hair black as his own - though shorter - and grinning like a maniac, it was completely worth it.

 

Tom pressed Loki up against the wall near the door when the god came to greet him. Kissed him hard for long moments before he pulled away to speak. “I believe you said something about taking all this off of me? It’s rather hot.”

 

Loki looked him up and down, ran his hand along Tom’s chest. “Yes, it is.” He made no move to unfasten the leather.

 

Tom grinned again, a bit wilder. “You want me to fuck you wearing this, don’t you?”

 

“I certainly wouldn’t object.”

 

“In character?”

 

“It wouldn’t be the first time.”

 

Tom chuckled, low and dark, Loki’s laugh. “I suppose not.” They kissed with as much teeth as tongue. “Now _kneel_.”

 

Loki was happy to oblige.

 


	20. Food

 

Back home in London again, they settled into a routine. Tom was rehearsing for a play at the moment, so he had a fairly regular schedule and wouldn’t be travelling for a while. Loki stayed home and worked on his classes, read Tom’s books - he was nearly through the collection - and did most of the household chores.

 

At first, his mortal was shocked that a (former) prince was willing to clean, and accused him of using magic to keep the flat in order. In reality, Loki kept the flat tidy by perfectly normal means, which was hardly any effort at all given that both of them were well organized and disliked mess. They had someone come ‘round to do the heavy cleaning, a compromise that Tom had made with himself ages ago when he realized that he didn’t have the time to do it himself properly and could well afford to hire someone to do it for him. Loki had no issue with servants doing the less tasteful tasks. That was their job after all. Still, there were plenty of things he prefered to do himself, such as cooking.

 

The god had fallen in love with human cuisines. Food on Asgard was very straightforward, which was fine for your average warrior, who liked meat and bread and that was about it. However, Loki found Midgard far superior to is former home for a sophisticated palate like his that desired complex flavors. He acquired cookery books from all over the world and taught himself to use the various techniques, mostly using YouTube for examples.

 

This is how Loki discovered cooking shows.

 

o0o

 

Tom came home one evening to find his lover - Loki, former Prince of Asgard, rightful king of Jotunheim, God of Mischief, invader of worlds, a being likely responsible for the deaths of thousands - curled up on their sofa in front of the telly crying over the series finale of _The Great British Bake Off._

 

Tom walked right back out of the flat, laughed for a solid minute in the hallway, took a deep breath, then headed back in. “Alright?”

 

Loki looked over at him and wiped his eyes. The god hadn’t noticed him coming in and leaving again. “Why are they all so _kind?”_

 

Tom suppressed another laugh. “Have you been watching this show all day?”

 

The god nodded. “I paused briefly to make one of the dishes myself, but yes.” He pointed to a plate of violet-iced biscuits on the coffee table.

 

Tom took a biscuit. Loki’s food experiments weren't universally successful - they often had odd flavour combinations that didn't quite work for a human palate - but these were quite good. “Lavender and… what's the fruit?”

 

“Black currant.”

 

“That's excellent.”

 

Loki grinned. “Thank you. There's tea in the kitchen.”

 

“Cheers.”

 

When Tom padded back in, the program was over and Loki had made room for him on the sofa. Tom settled in beside the god and they kissed. “Am I going to be getting all sorts of unusual things for pudding now?”  

 

Loki chuckled. “Perhaps. This program is more interesting for its insight into your culture than the baking.”

 

“Oh?”

 

“Indeed. There are some useful techniques being shown, but it's not intended to be instructional.”

 

“I’ve watched it before, darling.”

 

Loki's eyes went a bit wide. “Why did you not tell me about it?”

 

Tom smothered another giggle. “I didn't think you'd be interested. What do you mean by insights into my culture?”

 

“These people are in competition, yet they go out of their way to aid one another, to be polite and kind. It goes some distance to explain your own nature.”

 

“I do my best to be a gentleman.”

 

Loki nodded. “I had not previously recognized that this was a product of your society, not just your personality.”

 

“An individual doesn’t develop in isolation, love, of course I’m a product of my society.”

 

“I do see that, but I hadn’t the context.”

 

Tom shrugged. He considered telling the god about the turmoil the country had gone through in the last few years, but the very-much-less-kind face of the British people it had shown was _not_ worth going into. Tom wanted Loki to see the better parts of humanity if at all possible. “So are you enjoying the program?”

 

“I am.”

 

“We should watch it together.” Tom grinned. “I really wouldn’t have thought you’d enjoy this.”

 

Loki lay his head on Tom’s shoulder. “I find it… comforting.”

 

“I do as well. What do you think?”

 

“Very well, I shan't move ahead at my own speed; we can watch the next series together.”

 

Tom grinned and kissed the top of Loki's head. “You will forever astonish me.”

 

Loki snickered. “As long as that's in a positive way, I'm pleased to oblige. I would hate to be boring.”

 

“Even if it weren't positive, how could you possibly think I could get bored of you?”

 

The god shrugged. “I do not understand mortals in a fundamental way, beloved. Humans are strange and I never thought of your species as anything other than… attractive pets until I met you. I thought my brother a fool to take up with a mortal woman as anything more than a light companion. I have learned better,” he reached up to stroke Tom’s cheek, “but your people are still alien to me.”

 

Tom fell silent for a long moment. “I don't know that we're that different. We share the same emotions and drives, it's just that our lives are on a different scale.”

 

Loki nodded against his shoulder. “Indeed, but that scale is a difficult barrier to overcome. To me, when I leaned that Thor had taken up with a human, it was as though my brother had fallen in love with a branafish.” He must have noticed the look of confusion on Tom’s face, because he added, “they’re like your goldfish. Pretty, short lived, and with little memory.”

 

The human laughed. “I am not a goldfish.”

 

“No, of course not, and neither was Jane, but I had no concept of what mortals in the 21st century were like at the time. As it turns out I was correct that the relationship would end poorly, but that has more to do with my brother's skills as a partner than her species.”

 

“I never thought they had very good chemistry.”

 

The god shrugged. “My point is that I had to learn the value of human life by actually seeing human life in… in action.”

 

“I am Jane Foster.”

 

Loki pulled away and looked at Tom with wide horrified eyes. “Take it back.”

 

Tom laughed. “I'm sorry love. You must admit that it's not an unfair comparison.”

 

“Be my Edith or my Eve, not that…” Loki threw up his hands.

 

Tom raised an eyebrow. “Goldfish?”

 

The god sighed and flopped back on the sofa. “I’m never going to escape that, am I?”

 

“No.” The human/goldfish grinned. “It's a very unflattering comparison.”

 

Loki sighed. “My apologies.” He reached out and tangled his fingers with Tom’s. “In my defense, I did like her, despite everything. She was good for my brother and had great spirit, but it was a doomed relationship for many reasons.”

 

“What if I only lived a normal human lifespan?”

 

The god winced and looked at their joined hands. “Then I would spend every second of those years by your side and mourn you when you were gone.”

 

Tom lifted Loki’s chin with his hand so that the god looked him in the eye. The mortal searched his lover’s gaze for any sign that he was lying. Tom knew that Loki was volatile, and he worried about what would happen to the god - to the Earth - if Tom died before Loki was ready to let go. The human saw sorrow in the depths of Loki’s eyes, but no anger.

 

Tom laid a small kiss on the god’s lips. “It won’t come to that. I’ll practice every day so that we can be together for a long time.”

 

The smile that greeted him took Tom’s breath away. Loki dove for him and pushed him back flat onto the sofa, pouring seidr between their lips as they kissed. The magic hummed along Tom’s skin as Loki stripped away his clothes, touched his skin with reverant, seidr-infused fingers. It filled Tom’s being, transported his mind. How could anything compare to this? How could he not embrace it, clasp the god to him, body and soul? The magic was like another form of sustenance now, Tom could feel it living in his bones and blood. The systems of his body adapting and transforming with the complex patterns of power. Seidr filled his being even as Loki filled his body and his nerves with sensation.

 

If this wasn’t being a god, it wasn’t far from it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for another shortish chapter. To make it up to you, I offer a bonus chapter for the week! If you were wondering what happens when I _don't_ write a fade to black, and instead write actual smut, [Game](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15651327) went up yesterday. There's no plot value to it, so feel free to skip if smut is not your thing. It's not a continuation of this scene, but a chapter that stands alone, but it is part of this story rather than one of my multiverse tangents.


	21. Others

 

In the days that followed, Tom founding himself slipping more and more often into other realities through his dreams. If he hadn't been aware that such a thing was possible, he would likely have discounted then as normal dreams where his life was different. He never interacted with these “other Toms”, just observed their lives.

 

In one dream, he and Ben had been lovers continuously since they first worked together so many years ago. It was much the way they were now in his waking reality, both having taken other partners over the years in addition to their own romance. Tom saw this version of himself meet Loki in his own dreams and watched the pair fall in love. They spoke for hours and hours about anything and everything before they even kissed. And rather than have that kiss manifest into sex immediately - as it had in Tom's own reality - they kissed and petted for a week before that other Tom took the lead and pushed Loki down and made love to the god in the beautiful dreamscape.

 

In the next dream, this Tom's life was very much like his own, but Loki was gone. The actor was sad, but not heartbroken, because his Loki was fine back in his home universe. His death was just another trick, as this Tom knew well. Loki would be back - assuming the god could find a way - once he'd aided the Avengers in defeating Thanos. This Tom was lonely, but hopeful; more concerned about how Loki would return than his safety.

 

In the next realm, he'd never met Loki; never known the god as anything other than a fictional character. Tom was an actor who played a very popular character. He loved it, loved acting, loved becoming other people, entertaining his fans, grateful for the opportunities that life gave him, but nothing mysterious or magical had ever happened to him. He was unaware of the wonderful, complex nature of the universe.

 

Tom felt sorry for him.

 

Perhaps the strangest realm was one where he and Loki were twin gods, worshiped by a sect of storytelling priests. They were of one soul, lovers as well as brothers. Tom could sense the history of this odd world stretching back for millennia. The tales of these gods seemed a weird hybrid of mythology and Shakespearean verse. Erotic sonnets of incestuous love became holy writ, and their priests were diplomats and minstrels who carried daggers behind their backs.  

 

In another world, he'd never pursued acting beyond a few plays at uni, and instead was a Classics professor at a London university that didn't exist in Tom's native universe. He was single and gay in this world. This Tom was satisfied with his life professionally and intellectually, but not emotionally. One day he came face to face with a Loki who ran a rare bookshop. The god looked perfectly at home in this human world, but his eyes were the color of the Tesseract. Professor Hiddleston was shopping for ancient Greek texts, and this was the best place in London to find them. The two men chatted, but had laughed off their uncanny resemblance - stranger things happened every day, after all - and never saw each other again.

 

Tom found that universe unspeakably sad. He shouted at that Tom to go back, go back and talk to Loki again. Make the connection that vibrated beneath the surface of their conversation, yearning to burst free. Ask about his eyes, find out why a god was living as a human. But Professor Hiddleston couldn’t hear him, and returned in ignorance to his solitary life. It made Tom ache.

 

But it hadn’t been the worst.

 

One night, he appeared beside another Tom who sat on a park bench gazing out over a calm lake. The other man wore trackies and a t-shirt, nothing unusual; but he was thin, much thinner than Tom, who wasn’t exactly bulky. The other’s hair was long enough to be a fluffy mess, he had a scruffy beard, and an odd, unblinking gaze as he looked over the water.

 

Tom looked around. He thought they might be in a very modern public park, but the place was too perfectly maintained - very much at odds with his duplicate’s appearance. It reminded him of the grounds of a posh hospital. He stepped towards the lake, and the resident Tom’s gaze snapped to look at him.

 

“What? Who are you?” the duplicate asked. His eyes were wild, like a spooked animal.

 

Up to this point, none of his alternates - or anyone else in these alternate worlds - had noticed Tom’s presence. Not since his first experience slipping between realms where he met the Tom who was Loki’s priest. Tom had drifted through the lives of his other selves like a ghost, observing without being able to interact. But now he made eye-contact with this other him.

 

“I’m you.”

 

The other laughed. It was nothing like Tom’s normal laugh or Loki’s dark chocolate chuckle. It was hysterical. _Unhinged._ “Of course you are,” the other said through his unbalanced mirth. “Are you real, other-me?”

 

Tom frowned, and waited a moment for the other to calm down a bit before he replied. “Yes. I’m from another universe.”

 

“Of course you are,” the other Tom repeated and laughed again. He kept laughing and laughing, until tears flowed down his cheeks.

 

Tom rushed to his doppelganger, reached out to steady him. The duplicate flinched away. Tom withdrew his hand and crouched down so that he was below the other’s eye-line. “Are you alright?”

 

The duplicated covered his face with his hands, shook his head. “You’re not real. I can’t… I can’t do this again.” His hands were sewn with a fine spiderweb of scar tissue going up nearly to his elbows. “Please go away.”

 

“What… what happened to you?”

 

The other Tom lowered his marred hands and looked at him with red, teary eyes. “He left. Nobody believed me. There was no proof. And I was all alone. They said… they said it wasn’t real. It was. It _was._ _He_ was, but nobody believed me. And I _ache_. I ache all the time, it hurts so much. I… they put me here. Please, just leave me alone. Nobody will believe in you, either.”

 

Tom looked at the duplicate with wide eyes. “Where does it hurt? Here?” He reached back and rubbed the base of his own skull right above his neck.

 

The other Tom nodded, so fast his hair flew. “Yes, yes, yes, that’s it, there! How did you know? How? Did…” The duplicate’s eyes went wide and horror stricken. “Did he leave you too?”

 

Tom bit his lip and nodded.

 

“Oh I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. It’s terrible, isn’t it?” The other man dropped to his knees and pulled Tom into a painfully tight embrace. “And you know, you _know._ It was all true, wasn’t it? It was true? He’s real? I didn’t just make him up?”

 

Tom’s heart broke. “Yes. It’s true. Loki is real.”

 

The other Tom burst into tears, leaned on Tom’s shoulder and wept. “I knew it I knew it I knew it I knew it I knew it. I knew it was real. It had to be, but nobody nobody nobody knew but me. And then he was gone and I ache, and he’s dead and gone and never coming back, and nobody believed me, and he’s _gone.”_

 

Tom held the duplicate as he cried. Soothed his wild hair down with soft, unscarred fingers. “It’s okay,” he muttered. “It’s okay, I’ve got you.” This Tom’s Loki had obviously never come back. Ben must not have ever met the god, nor had anyone else. The pain and lack of understanding of those around him must have driven him mad. And he _was_ mad, despite the fact that his “delusion” was real. The experience must have unhinged him. Broken his mind.

 

The broken Tom pulled back, looked at him with something horribly like hope in his eyes. “Will you… can you tell the others? Can you make them believe me?”

 

“I… I don’t think anyone else can see me. I’m sorry.”

 

The doppelganger dropped his head and nodded. “I thought so, I did, but I had to try. I did have to ask, didn’t I?”

 

Tom nodded. “You did. It’s okay. I’m sorry I can’t help more.”

 

The other nodded more vigorously. “But I was right? It was all real?”

 

“Yes, it was all real.”

 

The other Tom nodded. His gaze drifted away from Tom out over lake. He was silent for a long time, eyes unmoving, unblinking. After what seemed like an eternity, he shook his head, small and tight, and looked back at Tom. “Is… is he really gone?”

 

Tom opened his mouth, then shut it. Opened it again. “I don’t know. He might be alive and just unable to get back to you, but I don’t really know how it is in your world. Worlds.”

 

The other sniffled, wiped his face, nodded. “Yes. I thought of that. But but but, I thought… well. It didn’t really matter, because I would never know, and it hurt so much, and I was so _alone._ ”

 

Tom winced. He’d said almost those exact words himself. “I understand. I really do.”

 

“I know, I know you do. And that’s so good. I mean, it’s bad. Bad bad bad. We both hurt now, but you understanding, that’s good, even if the reason you do is bad.”

 

Tom took a moment to parse that sentence, then nodded. “Having someone who knows is good. It was different for me, I had someone who knew, and helped so much when he left.”

 

The duplicate looked back at Tom, cocked his head to the side with a sharp jerk. “Who?”

 

“Ben.”

 

“Oh.” The mad Tom looked up at the sky and rubbed his scruffy chin. “Ben was off filming somewhere when… when _he_ was around. I don’t remember what for. Pick-ups maybe.” He shrugged. “So someone knew. Someone could say that it was real, other than you. So you’re…”

 

“Yes?”

 

“Not… here? Not…” He tossed his hands. “Not mental.”

 

“Well, if I am, no one’s cottoned to it.”

 

The mad Tom giggled and nodded. “That’s good. I’m glad. I’m happy that you’re better off than I am.”

 

Tom bit his lip. “I’m sorry that this happened to you.”

 

The other nodded. “Me too, but I think it was worth it. It was magical and amazing and wonderful, even if was only for a short time, and and and and, now I know it was real.”  

 

“I’m glad I could help, even if it was only a little.”

 

“No no no, it’s a lot. I’m sure it’s a lot. You know, you understand, you you… you _know.”_ The mad Tom looked at him sharply. “Wait, what’s going on? You’re fading, are you going to vanish too?”

 

Tom looked down at himself; he did appear to be getting fainter. “I think so. I’m waking up. I’m sorry.”

 

“Please, please don’t leave me!”

 

“I can’t control it, I’m sorry!”

 

“I know. I’m sorry too. But at least I get to say goodbye.” The other held him until Tom faded away.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor mad Tom… 
> 
> All of the universes that Tom goes to in this chapter have stories about them - some of them quite long - with the exception of “real Tom” who wouldn’t be real anymore if there were stories.


	22. Madness

 

Tom woke with tears running down his face. He looked frantically about for Loki - terribly afraid the god had vanished as he had in the other realm - but his lover was right there beside him, wide awake and already reaching out. Tom threw himself into Loki’s arms and sobed while the god stroked his hair. Loki didn’t ask any questions and Tom couldn’t speak past his tears. Eventually he fell into a deep dreamless sleep, cradled in his lover’s embrace.

 

Loki brought him tea in bed the next morning. The god waited until the cup was half gone before speaking. “Where are you going, beloved?”

 

“What?”

 

“You have been leaving your body behind when you sleep, where is it that you go?” Loki's voice was calm, soothing, but with an edge of deep concern.

 

“I… I've been going into other universes. Visiting other mes.” Tom took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Some of them are very unhappy.”

 

“Oh my love, I'm sorry. I should have realized.” Loki kissed his temple. “Would you like me to teach you ways of staying anchored more easily?”

 

Tom thought about this for a long moment, then shook his head. “I’d like more control over it, but I don’t want to stop entirely.”

 

The god frowned. “I can certainly aid you with control, but I have never seen you so devastated. What did you see?”

 

“It’s always other possibilities, paths I didn’t take, or things that just happened differently. Sometimes very differently. They can’t see me, I just watch their lives. In some of them, I’ve met you, others not. But, in this one…” Tom took a deep, hitching breath. “In this one, I… he was mad. You… his Loki, left and never came back. Nobody else knew you’d… he’d been there. It drove the other me insane.”

 

“Oh.” Loki squeezed Tom close. “I’m sorry.”

 

The actor nodded, held onto his god. “He could see me, unlike the others - we could even touch - and we talked. I think he was better, knowing that it had been real. That his… that he _had_ met you. His Loki. Not you. I wish I could help him more, though. He was so sad.”

 

Loki kissed his forehead. “I wouldn’t have thought that my mere absence would be enough to drive you mad.”

 

“I might have... headed there. If it hadn’t been for Ben, if you hadn’t come back, and I’d never had any confirmation that you’d been real. I was in so much pain.”

 

Loki closed his eyes and rested his forehead against Tom’s. “I am sorry.”

 

“It’s not your fault, love. And there might have been more to the story, I don’t know. I do feel like I was stable enough to deal with the loss, so maybe something more happened to him.”

 

The god was silent for a long moment. “His mind might have been damaged. Either by the separation, or some misadventure that we didn’t partake in.”

 

“He ached in the same place I did.” Tom rubbed the back of his head at the base of his skull. He could feel his connection to Loki like a warm compress on his mind, but he vividly recalled what it was like when it was severed, leaving only a perpetual ache.

 

“Constant pain is a strain on the body and the mind,” Loki replied in a flat tone. “However, it may be that you can help him. Or that _we_ can.”

 

“Can we?” Tom looked up, hope filling his chest.

 

Loki nodded. “It much depends on what has happened to cause the damage, but I may be able to heal it. I have some skill with altering the mind, as you know. If nothing else, I can erase or fade his memories so that the pain is less… fresh.”

 

Tom nodded and a small smile touched his lips for the first time in what felt like years. “Can we try, please? He was heartbroken.”

 

“As you wish. In fact, I'm pleased you agreed. I feel… responsible for this other self of yours.” Loki rubbed the palm of one hand with the fingertips of the other and looked away.

 

“This isn't your fault.” Tom captured one of Loki's hands with his own. “Even the ‘other you’ isn't responsible for this.”

 

The god squeezed Tom's hand. “You are kind, my love. I'm sure that you agree that if we can aid this other self, we should, yes?”

 

“Yes.” Tom nodded. “As much as we can, as soon as we can.”

 

Loki nodded and rubbed his chin. “I will need to prepare a few things. We can attempt to travel this evening. Do you think you could get back to the same universe again?”

 

“I'm not sure. I'm not doing any of this consciously. I've never tried to go anywhere specific.”

 

“Very well, I shall do some research into it.”

 

Tom kissed the god’s cheek. “Thank you.”

 

o0o

 

Loki spent the afternoon researching the best he could with the handful of texts he kept stored in his pocket dimension. He didn’t find anything particularly useful, but he did run across the term “Nexus” a couple of times when referring to the connections between universes. From what he could gather, a Nexus was an especially strong point of commonality between universes. It could be a location, an event, or even a person. The god was starting to suspect that Tom might _be_ a Nexus. It would explain how easily his mortal slipped between worlds. Loki was well aware that Tom was a truly amazing creature, and this was yet further proof.

 

After supper they went to bed early. Loki curled up behind Tom as he usually did, but placed one hand on the mortal’s forehead, two fingers and thumb on his temples.

 

The mortal shifted against him. “That feels strange.”

 

“Apologies. It’s necessary for what I need to do.”

 

“It’s alright, just a touch odd.”

 

“Good.Now sleep, my beloved. I will see you soon.” Loki pushed a small pulse of seidr into the human and felt him drop into slumber. The god pushed his own consciousness after.

 

o0o

 

Loki hung suspended in huge, open space, Tom beside him. It was black with pinpricks of light in the distance, like the night sky. Thousands of them burned in the distance, and like true stars, they had some color variation, though most appeared white. Some were brighter than others, as though the were closer,  or larger. Still others shined so faintly as to be almost invisible. Some formed constellations, others glowed in isolation. When Loki looked around, he could see fine lines of pale blue light radiating from the “stars”, but they were only visible from certain angles. He would look more closely at a given line and it would vanish, only to reappear again when Loki turned his head. All the lines converged at a single point, a silvery blue sphere the size of a football which hung suspended between Tom’s hands. The mortal’s eyes were closed, a small frown between his brows.

 

“Can you see it?” Loki asked. “Can you see where we need to go?”

 

Tom cocked his head to the side, eyes still closed. “I think so.” He twisted his hands and the ball spun in place. “Yes, here.” The mortal touched one of the lines.

 

Loki held onto Tom’s forearms and felt his connection to the mortal strengthen. “Then go. I am here with you.”

 

Tom nodded and they were swept along the line.

 

o0o

 

They appeared on a grassy slope overlooking a small lake. The perfectly manicured lawn was empty save for a lone figure sitting by the shore. If Loki hadn’t known that this was another Tom, he wouldn’t have recognized him. The man was stick-thin and his hair was long and wild in a way that Loki had never seen on his own mortal. He sat in a lotus position, staring out over the water.

 

Tom - Loki’s Tom - broke into a run and raced to the other’s side. The god walked after him.

 

Loki watched as the pair embraced. From this distance, their conversation was only a murmur of soft words. Now that he could see the side of his face, the other Tom looked, well, more like Tom. But he was unhealthy and unkempt in a way that his fastidious mortal would never allow himself. His eyes were wild, but clear. Until he caught sight of Loki.

 

“Oh. My god.” The other Tom’s hands flew to his mouth, pressed tight against his lips, and tears formed in his eyes. He lurched towards Loki, then jerked to a halt. He gripped his own arms, fingernails digging into the scarred skin just above his wrists. “Oh my god oh my god ohmygodohmygod.”

 

Loki quirked a small smile. “This seems to be the universal response to my unexpected appearance.” The reply was flippant, but he wondered it if fully hid the fact that inside, his heart was breaking. Loki crouched down beside the mortals. “However, I’m afraid I’m not your god.”

 

The wild-eyed Tom looked back and forth between Loki and “proper” Tom. “You’re _his_.” The madman glared at Tom. “You never said he came _back._ ”

 

Tom bit his lip. “It seemed unkind to just tell you.”

 

The thin man glowered at Tom for a moment, then his expression softened. “I understand. I’m sorry.” He looked back at Loki. “Thank you for coming.”

 

The god inclined his head. “I am here for a purpose. I may be able to help heal the wound in your mind, but I would request your permission to do so.”

 

“You can… mend me? How? I mean, you’re still gone.”

 

Loki swallowed hard and closed his eyes. “I cannot bring your god back to you, but my belief is that there is damage to your mind that cause you to be unable to… to cope with your loss.”

 

“Damage?” The other Tom cocked his head to the side, quick, like a bird. “What do you mean?”

 

“I won’t know until I look, but my hypothesis is that you received a… a mental wound.” Loki glanced at his own mortal, then looked back at the other. “Tom said you were in pain, yes?”

 

The mad Tom nodded and rubbed the back of his head. “All the time. Drugs never helped. I tried everything. It just doesn’t go away.”

 

Tom visibly flinched and rubbed the back of his own head. “Has it never gotten any better?”

 

The thinner Tom shook his head. “No. It’s been… months and months and months, and it never goes away.”

 

“I’m sorry.” Tom squeezed the duplicate’s shoulder. “It was weeks for me and that was bad enough.”

 

Loki winced. He hated to be reminded of the pain that Tom went through while he was gone, but it was inevitable in this situation. That this other version of his mortal had suffered so abominably was unacceptable. “Please,” the god laid a hand on the other Tom’s neck, “allow me to aid you.”

 

The other Tom pressed into the contact and closed his eyes. Loki resisted the urge to pull this strange version of his lover to his chest. It would be welcomed by the other, but also mercilessly unfair to the damaged man. He opened his eyes and stared raptly at Loki’s face. “Whatever you want,” he breathed.

 

Loki nodded and sat down in the grass in front of the other. “Sit comfortably, please.”

 

The mad Tom straightened his spine and fell into the all too familiar posture that his Tom took on while he meditated. His eyes fluttered when Loki’s fingers touched his temples. Loki glanced at his Tom. “This may take some time, beloved.”

 

The actor nodded and shifted so that he was sitting more comfortably himself. “I’ll be here.”

 

Loki smiled and closed his eyes.

 

o0o

 

Loki was back at their London flat. Except it wasn’t. The sitting room was arranged slightly differently. It was subtle enough that if he hadn’t been looking at his surroundings carefully, he might have missed it. But that chair was a few inches over, that table was at a different angle, those books were in the wrong places. It was unsettling.

 

Though not nearly as unsettling as the inhuman keening that came from above him.

 

Loki swallowed hard and headed for the stairs. The walls on either side of the staircase were covered in spider-web cracks. He traced his fingers over one of the cracks and it bit into his flesh like a blade. Loki snatched his hand back and examined his fingers. He’d half expected them to be bleeding, but his fingertips were only reddened. These flaws in the wall weren’t in the flat back home, they were a product of the mindscape; a graphic depiction of the damage to Tom’s mind, not the architecture.

 

The keening grew louder the higher in the flat he went, and the damage grew worse.

 

Something sickening gripped at Loki’s insides as he thought about what he might find at the top of the steps.

 

The upper floor looked like someone had taken a large hammer to the walls. Loki had seen that exact damage before in the real world, having put up with his brother’s temper over the centuries. Except here, there were pieces of wall that hung impossibly in empty space with no connection to anything else. The walls bled a thick, iridescent red fluid from the holes in reality, dripping down to pool on the incongruously undamaged floor.

 

The god pushed the fractured bedroom door open. Physics bent around him for a moment, then Loki stepped inside a tempest. The suite was destroyed; fragments of wood and glass and fabric swirled through air like shrapnel. The bed had been shattered and the pieces rearranged to create a nest of broken edges. In the center of that wreck of impossible furniture lay Tom.

 

He lay curled onto his side in a fetal position, arms wrapped around his head. Fresh, wet blood coated his arms to the elbow. The mortal was nude, his short dark blond curls plastered to his head with a combination something clear and the blood from his arms. The horrible scream wasn’t actually coming from the figure on the bed; it emanated from the bloody, broken walls. A high wind that stank of ozone whipped through the room, lashing the god’s hair and clothes.

 

Loki stood frozen for a long moment, staring at the pitiful form. He felt numb; this was far worse than he’d imagined. Finally, Loki cleared his throat and spoke. “Tom?”

 

All at once the keening stopped and the wind fell still. The mortal on the bed looked up. He was clean-shaven - unlike his exterior appearance back in the physical world. Crimson streaked across his face. “L..Loki?” Tom’s voice shook.

 

The god took a careful step towards the fractured bed. “Yes and no.”

 

“Are… are you a ghost? Have you come to haunt me?” The mortal sat up. He spoke so rapidly Loki could barely keep up. “You don’t look like a ghost, but I don’t really know what a proper ghost looks like. You’re already so pale, but I thought, I thought you’d be paler, maybe your hair would be white? And, you know, look strangled. Or maybe you’d just be transparent. Translucent? See-through in any case. Like a ghost.”

 

Loki rubbed his throat. “Are you not aware of what has happened outside of this room?”

 

Tom cocked his head to the side. His Tom did the same thing, but this movement was sharper, faster. “I… I… I don’t like it out there. It’s not good. I can _remember_ you here. Out there, you don’t exist. Everyone thinks I’m mental, but here I can remember.”

 

The god looked around the mostly-destroyed room. “I don’t think that’s the best of ideas. You are doing yourself injury.”

 

“No, no, no, this is from before.” Tom held up his arms. Loki could see that there were long, deep gashes over his arms and finer ones on his hands. “There was a window, I think. Or maybe a mirror? Something shiny. We had a disagreement.” The mortal giggled.

 

Loki’s eyes widened. “The damage to your dwelling did not involve breaking glass.”

 

“Oh.” Tom looked around the room slowly, as though he was noticing the state of the walls for the first time. “I suppose not.” His eyes snapped back to the god, focused and hard. “Why did you leave me?”

 

“I…”

 

“Why Loki? Why did you go? Why? You shouldn’t have, you were just going to die and leave me alone forever. You should have stayed. I tried to tell you, I did. I tried and tried and tried, but you still left and vanished and died and never-even-were and you _hurt_ me.”

 

Loki closed his eyes against the tears that gathered in the corners. This was worse than watching Thor be tortured. Worse than his own madness and desolation. “I’m sorry.”

 

“Why Loki? Why? Is it my fault? Is there something wrong with me? Everyone always leaves me.” Tears were streaming down Tom’s cheeks now.

 

The god fell to his knees beside the bed and reached out for the mortal, who flinched away from Loki’s touch. It hit Loki like a blow. “No, never think that this was your fault. I thought I was protecting you. I was wrong, I’m sorry.” The god dropped forward and his head impacted softly on one of the impossible angles of the bed. It didn’t matter that this wasn’t his Tom - Loki _had_ to keep reminding himself that this _wasn’t_ his Tom - he was still responsible. “I was so worried that the Titan would find you. I’m so sorry.”

 

“Why does it ache?” The mortal’s voice shook. “Why do I hurt so much?”

 

“I’m sorry. I can try and… and repair the damage I did. Please let me try.”

 

Silence reigned the room for a long moment. A hand brushed through Loki’s hair and the god shivered. “Alright,” Tom said in a steadier voice. “Try.”

 

The god looked up and met the mortal’s gaze. “I truly am sorry.”

 

“I know.” Tom cupped his cheek with a red hand. Loki leaned into the contact heedless of the blood. “I’ve always known that, but… it doesn’t really help.”

 

Loki winced. “I deserve that.”

 

Tom gave him a small crooked smile and said nothing.

 

The god sighed and sat back, took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He needed to focus. He would be useless if he couldn’t focus. “May I have your hands please?”

 

Tom reached out and grasped Loki's hands in his own with no hesitation. They were slick, wet. They should be tacky, but the logic of normal human bleeding seemed not to apply here. Physics didn’t work the same way, why should biology? Pushing these thoughts aside, Loki focused inwards. He couldn't properly mend Tom's mind without establishing a permanent mental connection with him. The god was fairly certain that would work, but it might break down over time in a very painful way since they would be in separate universes with no continuous connection. Besides, it seemed terribly cruel.

 

What he could do was treat it with a kind of magical poultice so that it would heal on its own over time. Loki sought the correct area of the mortal's mind and set to work.

 

He expected mental scar tissue, but there was none. There was nothing but an inflamed wound, jagged and deep and raw. If it had been a physical injury, it would likely have been fatal. Slowly, painfully fatal. As it was, it was agonizingly killing the mind gradually over time like a psychic sepsis.

 

Loki was sweating with effort before he was done. It was metaphorical sweat, given that the was in a mindscape and he had traveled to this realm astrally, but it was a difficult and tedious task. Worth every second if it helped even the tiniest bit, but exhausting. This wasn’t the simple bandaging that he’d anticipated, it was surgery. When the god opened his eyes again, the alternate Tom sat on a perfectly normal bed watching him with steady, calm blue eyes. The walls were still cracked, but the dripping, wailing holes were gone. The mortal’s hands and arms were traced with scars instead of actively bleeding.

 

Loki sagged forward. “How do you feel?”

 

Tom rubbed the back of his head. “I… it doesn’t hurt anymore.”

 

The god smiled. “Good.”

 

“Thank you.” Tom smiled back. His eyes were clear now; no longer fogged by pain and confusion. “I realize you’re not my Loki, though I think you’re not far from him. Could you answer a question for me, please?”

 

“I’ll answer any questions you may have to the best of my ability, but I cannot be certain that they would be the same answers that your own god might give you.”

 

“That’s all I can expect.” Tom sighed deeply.  “Alright, I have to ask, do you think he’s coming back?”

 

Loki lay a finger over his lips and thought for a moment. “Assuming he is alive, yes. It may take decades, but he would do his best to return to you. You’re aware of what I am truly capable of, so I assume you’ve thought of many ways your Loki could have escaped. It would simply be a question of finding a way back. And…” He looked away from the mortal’s level headed but hungry gaze. “If your Loki is anything like me, he loves you very deeply. He will do anything he can to come home.”

 

Tom sniffled and Loki looked back to see the mortal wiping his eyes. “Thank you.”

 

The god nodded. “But you mustn't wait for him. Live your life the best you can. He wouldn’t want you to waste your potential or happiness. If… if he does come back, he will do whatever is best for you. Be a part of your life however he can, but not to the detriment of what you already have. If you find love again, take it. That is what he would wish. I am certain.”

 

Tom’s mouth hung open. “I… I’ll keep that in mind.”

 

“Good. Are you ready to awaken?”

 

The mortal nodded. “Just about.” He rubbed at his too-prominent collarbone, and looked from Loki to the floor and back several times. “Loki?”

 

The god shifted so that he was a bit closer to the bed. “Yes?”

 

Tom leaned forward, but looked down. His long fingers continued to play across his clavicle. “I hate to ask, but… would you kiss me please? I know you’re not mine and you have your own, but… just one last time?” He looked up with wide blue eyes and Loki’s heart melted.

 

“Of course.” Loki had wanted to comfort this terribly damaged version of Tom in any way he could since before they’d met; a kiss was very little to ask. The god closed the distance between them and pulled the other man to him with a hand on his neck. Their lips met with awkward desperation. Tom’s shaking hands cupped Loki’s face, thumbs swept across his cheekbones, fingers tightened on his jaw. It was frantic and sorrowful, the kiss of someone who was saying goodbye.

 

They kissed for an eternity. In this world made out of dreams there was no need to breathe. Neither pulled away. Loki poured all of the guilt that had lain unresolved for months into the kiss. He’d done so many things that had harmed those that he cared for over the years, this was just the most recent example of his thoughtless - or desperate - actions having terrible consequences. Tom had helped him so much, but this act of atonement, healing this Tom, was something more. He was able to actually fix a mistake he’d made. This was no noble sacrifice which meant nothing in the grand scheme of things. This was an act that would make a difference to the life of an individual whom he loved.

 

For once, Loki had _saved_ someone.

 

Hopefully he would stay saved.

 

Eventually the mortal pulled away. His face was streaked with tears, but so was Loki’s. “Thank you. I never… I never got to say goodbye before.”

 

“I know. I’m sorry.”

 

Tom nodded. “We can wake up now.”

 

“As you wish.”

 

o0o

 

The sky  was notably darker when Loki opened his eyes. The three of them were still seated in the grass by the lake. Well, Loki and the other Tom were sitting. His Tom had curled up on his side with his head in Loki’s lap. One of his hands lay on the other Tom’s knee, the other clutched at the grass. Loki pulled his hands away from the other Tom’s face and brushed his hand over his own mortal’s curls. One Tom stirred and sat up while the other opened his eyes and stretched.

 

“How do you feel?” Loki asked the hopefully formerly-mad Tom.

 

“Better.” He rubbed the back of his head. “I don’t ache anymore. And I feel… in control.”  

 

“Good.” The god looked at his own Tom. “Are you well, beloved?”

 

Loki’s mortal rubbed his eyes. “I’m exhausted. I’ve been absorbing the magic of this universe to keep us here, but I won’t be able to for much longer.”

 

Loki’s eyes widened. “We should go then.”

 

“Magic?” the native Tom asked. “You have magic too?”

 

Tom gave a slow nod. “Loki’s been teaching me. You have it as well. Find a teacher if you can, but keep up with the yoga no matter what. It will help.”

 

Loki looked back and forth between the two mortals. Tom was right, he could see the flow of power going through the other. It was faint, but unmistakably present. Now that he was healed, the human might be able to use it much as his own Tom did.

 

The local Tom looked at Loki with a raised eyebrow and the god nodded. “He’s correct. I wouldn’t suggest mentioning it as you’re trying extract yourself from this place, but yes, you have the ability to manipulate magical energy.”

 

The mortal chuckled. “Right, trying to prove I’m _not_ mad now.”

 

Loki grinned and got to his feet. He pulled both men up, one with each hand. His own Tom slumped against his side.

 

The other Tom looked at his duplicate with wide eyes. “Are you alright?” then turned to Loki. “Will he be alright?”

 

“We must leave. This is most taxing for him.” Loki pulled the native Tom into a one armed hug and kissed his brow. “Farewell.”

 

“Goodbye. Thank you. Both of you.”

 

Tom roused himself enough to wrap one long arm around the duplicate. “G’bye. Be well.” The mortal then collapsed completely against Loki, head lolling on the god’s shoulder.

 

The native Tom dragged himself from the god’s embrace and smiled at them. “Go.”

 

Loki smiled at him and pulled himself and Tom away. They vanished.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You didn't think I'd just leave him like that!?
> 
> Also, hey look, the plot is back...


	23. Metaphor

 

Tom woke to a dark, empty bedroom. He felt as though a lorry had driven through his brain at faster-than-legal speeds and gone out of control somewhere on the M1 of his consciousness. The fact that he was capable of coming up with that simile proved he was at least somewhat coherent, despite the pain and nausea. He rolled over, which made his head spin and flung all automotive metaphor out of his brain. 

 

A low groan escaped his throat. “Oh god, what did I drink last night?” Tom massaged his temples and looked around for water. “What did I  _ do _ last night?” 

 

Water. Spectacles. Mobile. Text? 

 

_ Gone to the shops, back soon. _ From Loki. Sent twenty-seven minutes ago. 

 

_ Awake. Please bring paracetamol. _

 

A few seconds passed before a reply came.

 

_ Already done.  _

 

Did that mean that the god had already gotten the painkillers or that he was done with the shopping? Either way, he'd be sorted soon. 

 

More water. Wait for the room to stop moving. Yet more water. 

 

The door to the flat opened and closed below and light footfalls ascended the stair. How could Loki make so little noise when he weighed over twenty-five stone? Must be training of some kind. Tom wondered if the god’s entire body was more dense, or if it was mostly bone or muscle. 

 

Tom reflected that he usually didn't have such wandering thoughts. Right now his brain was doing something a bit odd. 

 

Loki walked in with a fresh glass of water and the medication. “How are you feeling, my love?”

 

“I've come up with some interesting metaphors, but I can't recall any of them at the moment. I feel like rubbish.” 

 

Loki chuckled. “It’s normal to feel somewhat scattered.” 

 

“The last time I felt anything like this was when Scarlett talked me into a drinking contest and I got pissed on more tequila than any single human should consume.”

 

Loki sat on the edge of the bed and handed Tom the water and pills. “A hangover is a good analogy for what you're experiencing. You overtaxed your mental and magical abilities very badly. You have done what might be referred to as a pulled muscle in your mind.”

 

“So there was no alcohol involved?” Tom took the medication with a quick practiced motion. 

 

Loki looked at him sharply. “You don't recall what happened?” 

 

Tom shook his head and regretted it instantly. “Just… sitting in a park?” 

 

Loki frowned. “That’s… worrisome. What’s the last thing you recall clearly?” 

 

“That’s a terrible question. Supper last night?”

 

“Yes?”

 

Tom frowned. “We had salmon and asparagus, yes?” 

 

Loki bit his lip and shook his head. “That was two days ago.” 

 

“Oh.” Tom rubbed his forehead. “I’ve lost a whole day?” 

 

The god nodded. “It looks that way. It was not the most pleasant of experiences, so I’m not entirely surprised, but it’s somewhat… concerning.”

 

“It’s bad isn’t it. Very bad?”

 

Loki sighed. “Yes.” 

 

“Can you tell me what happened?”

 

Loki tapped a finger against his lips before he replied. “It would be best if you can remember on your own.” 

 

Tom frowned and rubbed his forehead. “I feel like someone put my brain through a food processor and tried to make pastry with it which was underworked, too short, and crumbled immediately.”

 

Loki raised an eyebrow. “That’s oddly specific.”

 

Tom shrugged. “This is what my mind wants to do at the moment.”

 

“Hrm.” The god laid his hand over Tom’s forehead much like if he were checking for a fever. A moment later, he pulled away with a light caress to the human’s cheek. “I suspect that your memory shall return shortly on its own, but if not, we may need to take action. In the meantime, rest a bit more. Shall I bring tea?”

 

“Yes please, love.” 

 

Loki nodded and kissed Tom’s forehead before getting up and leaving the room. The actor settled back down and closed his eyes. The paracetamol would start helping shortly, but for the moment, Tom’s head felt like it had been doused with brandy and lit like a Christmas pudding. As he waited for the god to return, Tom fell into a haze somewhere between wakefulness and sleep.

 

Complex, disquieting images rich with emotion drifted behind his eyes. 

 

A mirror which was actually a lake - and also sentient - ready to drag him into its depths and eat him if he gazed at it for too long. 

His own hands, which were somehow also Ben’s, reaching for Loki’s throat. 

A black cat chasing a small dog across a grassy hill, both of them suddenly covered in icing sugar, then frozen into pottery figures, chasing one another forever. 

His own face and naked chest painted with woad, the blue clay marking his skin in asymmetrical lines. In his right hand, one of Loki’s daggers, its blade against his left wrist. 

A cordial glass full of tiny pearls which smelled like devotion spilling to the floor and turning from white to scarlet as they struck the black marble.

Leading his sister Emma in a waltz while Chris Hemsworth played a harpsichord behind them, knowing that if they stopped dancing, the floor would turn to quicksand and they would all drown. 

Tom pulling his own face off like a mask to reveal Loki’s below. The god’s lips were sewn shut, his face bruised and bleeding. 

Loki wearing a leather biker jacket which would turn him invisible if he wanted, seducing a person whose face he couldn’t see; didn’t want to see; needed to  _ never  _ see. 

 

A soft hand touched his shoulder and Tom jerked awake. He flailed out before his eyes could open, fighting against the images even as he escaped them. Loki dodged his arm and just barely managed to avoid spilling the tea. 

 

“Sorry!” 

 

“My apologies, I should have spoken to you first. I’m well aware of how confused one can become under the effects of magical strain.” Loki set the tea on the nightstand and sat beside Tom. “How are you feeling now?”

 

“Like my mind is a jigsaw which has been scattered through a bowl of crème anglaise which I accidentally ate.” 

 

“Are you particularly hungry? You seem to be coming up with a notable number of food related metaphors.”  

 

“Not for anything that I've been talking about, pudding sounds utterly vile at the moment. I wouldn't say no to a full English though.” 

 

Loki chuckled. “Breakfast is already underway. You need protein, and a great deal of it.” 

 

Tom nodded and rubbed his temples. “Perhaps my brain is pudding? That seems more likely.” 

 

“You are unaccountably sweet.” 

 

“And I've been boiled.” 

 

“I hope you didn't boil the crème anglaise.” 

 

Tom laughed. “I might have done.” 

 

Loki grinned. “I'm glad to see you're feeling better.” 

 

“Less wretched, anyway.” 

 

“If you are laughing, you are better, beloved.” 

 

“Fair enough.” Tom sat up and took the tea. “I think my dessert-like brain is trying to tell me something.”

 

“That's likely. Your mind is processing what has happened and will aid you in understanding, but possibly in very odd ways.” 

 

“Is anything wrong? Did we do something bad? Did I hurt you?” 

 

Loki chuckled. “No my love. While unpleasant at the time, everything turned out well enough.” The god gently pushed one of Tom's wayward curls back. “Why would you think that you'd hurt me?” 

 

“I'm not sure. I've been... having visions, I suppose, and some of them were a bit violent.” Tom rubbed at his bare collarbone. “I just want to be certain that I didn't hurt anyone.” 

 

Loki shook his head. “Nothing of the kind.” 

 

Tom's shoulders drooped. “Good.” 

 

“Breakfast should be almost ready. I’ll return shortly.” 

 

Tom looked up at the ceiling. He knew Loki wasn’t telling him something - the god had admitted as much - and his own brain was trying to communicate in abstract terms he only barely understood. 

 

His eyes fluttered shut and Tom was looking at a single blade of grass, isolated, like a tree in a forest. A perfect shaft of verdant life, nearly identical to every other, but singular and unique. Voices drifted to him from nowhere, but he saw nothing but the lone green stalk. 

 

“You came back!” The voice was Tom’s own, but harsh, as if from disuse. Or overuse. Phantom arms embraced him, tight and needy. “I was so afraid. I can’t believe you came back.” 

 

The reply was also his voice, but the smooth practiced tones he usually bore. “I had to; I couldn’t just leave you here like this.” 

 

“I thought that I might have imagined you. I can’t really tell anymore.” 

 

This statement broke Tom’s heart; he wasn’t sure why. “I’m sorry I had to leave before, but I think we can help you.”

 

“We?” Hands tightened on his arms to the point of pain. “Oh my god oh my god…”

 

Tom’s eyes flew open. 

 

He remembered. 

 

He remembered watching as this haunted version of himself sat motionless, silent tears rolling down his face, so still he could have been a sculpture. Like a weeping statue of a saint, disheveled, beautiful, and gaunt. Loki with his fingers on the other’s temples for hours, nearly as still. Microexpressions flew across the god’s face too fast to fully capture, but all of them were negative. 

 

Tom growing more and more tired. Sinking into the grass, pulling on a source of magic that he could barely recognize, let alone comprehend, to keep them from being ripped away back to their own universe. The comfort of Loki’s leg against his cheek as he lay in the god’s lap, but the strain of  _ not _ drawing power from Loki as was so natural for them both. 

 

The slow, draining ache of maintaining a link the size and strength of a single thread for hours and hours. 

 

The others came back, but Tom had been so exhausted he had no idea what had happened. Loki had said that everything went well enough, but that could mean anything. 

 

As though summoned, Loki appeared at Tom’s side. 

 

“You remember.” 

 

“How can you tell?”

 

The god raised an eyebrow and said nothing. 

 

“Yes, I remember. Were you able to help him?”

 

Loki sat on the edge of the bed. “Yes. The damage was extensive, but I was able to repair much of it. His god must have been… less than careful when he removed their link.” Loki shuddered and closed his eyes. “It was horrible beloved.”

 

“It seemed to take a very long time.” 

 

“A mind that was damaged in such a way can be compared to a physical wound. Normally trauma creates what is referred to as ‘mental scar tissue’, smoothing over the damage, protecting it as it heals. There was none of that in evidence in your counterpart’s mind. I suspect that he had been picking at the the damage so that it could not heal. It became infected, if you’ll allow the metaphor to continue. Had it continued without outside intervention, it would have eventually driven him to the point of no longer functioning in any meaningful way.” 

 

“It would have killed him?”

 

Loki shrugged and looked away. “I expect he would have died before it came to that.”

 

Tom frowned. “What do you mean?”

 

The god looked back at Tom with eyes that had seen the abyss and called it home. “You know what I mean.” 

 

“Oh.” Tom shook his head. “No. I don’t think so.”

 

“He would’ve done -  _ had _ done - terrible things to stop the pain. Eventually, one of those things would have been fatal.” Loki sighed. “There was a reason he was institutionalized, my love. You saw the scars. Left untreated, those wounds would have been deadly.” 

 

“You think… I’ve never wanted to die, Loki. Even when I was in agony over losing you, I never wanted that.” 

 

Loki shook his head and took a deep shuddering breath. He looked away, out their bedroom window. “It’s not so much wanting to die as wishing one no longer existed. The agony becomes too much to bear, and all that you crave is release. Other pain, it helps to distract; one seeks oblivion wherever it can be found. Death is not the goal. It is just an acceptable side effect.” 

 

Tom sat up and clutched Loki to his chest. “I’m so sorry, love.”

 

The god shook his head and wrapped his arms around his mortal. “You have only ever been a light in my life, beloved; you are my sun. But I have been very, very alone for long periods of time, and I understand all too well the pain of loss and betrayal. If you had looked into my mind six or eight years ago, it would have looked much like your unfortunate counterpart’s. Perhaps worse.” 

 

“I can’t help but feel responsible for that.” 

 

Loki sighed. “There is no sense in that way of thinking. You are no more responsible for my mental state before we met than you are for the comics written about my character when you were a child.” 

 

“How did you...? Right, internet. But love, those comics never defined who  _ you _ are. I did.” 

 

“We have no evidence of that. Our universes are parallel, we have no reason to believe that they are causal.” 

 

Tom sighed. He knew that he wasn’t being fair to himself. It’s not like he wrote the scripts after all, the character development and ad libbing he’d done notwithstanding. And Loki was right, they really had no idea how the two universes interacted. “I’m sorry, I’m making you comfort me when you’re distressed. That’s not at all fair.” 

 

Loki chuckled and kissed his cheek. “I prefer making you feel better. It allows me to focus on something outside of myself.”  

 

“I’m not sure how healthy that is.” 

 

The god snorted. “The only statement about my own mental health that I would be willing to make is that it’s better than it once was.” 

 

“That’s something.” 

 

“You would not care for me as I was.” 

 

“I know exactly what you were like, and of course I would care for you.” 

 

Loki sighed. “I’m uncertain that’s the case, but I shall take your word for it.” The god got to his feet. “Breakfast should be done, I will return shortly.” 

 

Tom sighed and rubbed his forehead. Loki seemed depressed, which made a great deal of sense, but it worried him. The god had grown more stable since they’d been living together, but that could always change, and encountering a far less balanced version of Tom couldn’t have helped. It seemed as though the damage to the parallel actor had been caused by  _ his  _ Loki, at least initially, and that couldn't possibly be good for the god’s self esteem. 

 

Loki returned a moment later with a heaping plate of food and another cup of tea for himself. He handed Tom the plate and sat back on the edge of the bed. “I realized that this is more than your normal want, but you need the energy.” 

 

Tom, staring down at the food in dismay, nodded. “I’ll see what I can do.” 

 

Loki watched with a small smile as the actor tucked into the overly-large breakfast. “I believe that the… mental surgery I performed on your counterpart will allow him to return to a normal life in time. I’m very pleased you located him and we were able to assist.” 

 

Tom blinked. He took a moment to swallow the large mouthful of sausage and egg before replying. “Pleased?”

 

Loki nodded. “What happened to him was tragic, and it so easily could have been you. But I was able to… to fix a mistake I had made. Usually, it’s far too late for that.” 

 

“Oh.” Tom sipped his tea. “Yes, that makes sense. I wouldn’t have thought of it like that, but you’re right.” 

 

Loki smiled and sipped his own tea. “Once you are well again, we must work on your control. As your strength increases, your ability to slip between universes seems to be increasing as well.” 

 

“It does seem to be happening more and more.” 

 

“I have some theories as to why, but only theories.” 

 

Tom raised an inquiring eyebrow since his mouth was full. 

 

The god chuckled and held up a finger. “One, because your first introduction to seidr was through encountering me, your magical nature imprinted on my parallel essence. We then proceeded to travel to other universes on a regular basis, thus ingraining the pattern further.”

 

Tom nodded and took another bite. He really was very hungry.

 

“Two, you are what’s called in some magical circles a ‘Nexus’. These are common points between multiple universes. They are usually locations - sometimes events - but occasionally a person can be a Nexus as well.” 

 

“Aren’t most points between universes very close to the same?”

 

“Yes and no.” Loki shifted to face Tom more fully, tucking his foot under the other leg. “We are talking about an infinite - or effectively infinite - system. Tens of millions of universes may be virtually identical with only small differences. A Nexus is a common point between say, a hundred million universes, which otherwise might have little in common.” 

 

Tom’s eyebrows went up. “And you think that might be the case for me?”

 

Loki shrugged. “It’s but a theory. In reality, how we deal with it will depend not on the cause of your ability, but the nature of it. You need to learn how to anchor yourself solidly in this reality without conscious thought. I know that you have enjoyed some of these jaunts, but you could to become trapped in one of these other universes, and I might not be able to retrieve you.” 

 

“Why not?” Tom took another bite.

 

Loki shrugged. “I do not have this ability naturally. I was only able to travel to your realm initially because I had the Tesseract, and then later with the aid of a more powerful being. I would be able to follow our connection to get to you, as I did when we travelled most recently, but this is your ability, not mine.”

 

Tom frowned. The idea that he had an ability that Loki didn’t seemed wrong. “I don’t understand.” 

 

“This is one of the innate differences between us, beloved.” The god smiled. “It may be that you are not a ‘Loki’ but that I am a ‘Tom’.” 

 

The human shook his head. “That makes no sense.” 

 

The god chuckled. “Stranger things have happened.” 

 

Tom shook his head again. “But we found other ‘Lokis’ through you.”

 

“And many other ‘Toms’ through you. It may be that there is another theory which accounts for all of this, and it may very well be that you are just gifted in interdimensional travel. Different magicians are naturally skilled in different areas. But any of these things are possible.” 

 

“Does it really matter?”

 

“Not to my knowledge, no.” 

 

Tom sighed. “Then let’s not fret over it.” 

 

“I believe I was ‘theorizing’ rather than ‘fretting’, but as you wish.” Loki snickered into his tea. “I find it amusing that you try to deny any magical superiority in yourself.” 

 

“I…” Tom shifted to one side and looked away from the god. “It doesn’t feel right. I’m not a magician, I’m an actor. That’s who I am; I’m not… not  _ you.” _

 

“To be fair, beloved, you are me, and that is very much to do with your acting skills.”

 

Tom glared at Loki. “You know what I mean.”

 

“I do.” Loki leaned over and kissed Tom’s cheek. “You are too modest.”

 

“I’m not.”

 

Loki raised a skeptical eyebrow. 

 

“I’m really not, love. I know where my strengths lay and I don’t deny them. But also I know that if I don’t keep my ego in check, then I will become an insufferable arse.” 

 

Loki threw his head back and laughed. “Oh my love, that is inconceivable. You are the kindest person I’ve ever met, how could you imagine such a thing?” 

 

Tom frowned, then sat up straighter. “The line between confidence and entitlement is a fine one. The moment I forget that I had to work to get where I am, and that I’m incredibly lucky, I fall over that line.”

 

Loki shook his head. “I very much doubt that, and there is such a thing as false modesty. The luck you speak of is perhaps a quirk of fate, or a factor of genetics, or simply the way the universes happened to line up when you were born. This is as true of your seidr as it is of your good looks or beautiful voice. Your acting ability is due to hard work, as is the progression of your powers. You practice, you experiment, you  _ work _ with magic, even as you would memorize lines or develope a character’s mannerisms.” 

 

The actor shrugged. “I suppose so, it’s just that so much of what’s happening is out of my control.”

 

Loki nodded. “I do understand that. There’s a lack of effort to what you are doing which makes you feel as though it is less important.” 

 

Tom shrugged again. “I suppose. It really feels wrong that I can do something that you can’t.”

 

“My ego is not so fragile that I cannot stand the idea that you have abilities that I do not. The reverse is just as true. And I do have centuries more experience than you. That you happen to be gifted in a way that I am not is simply another example of wondrous you are.”

 

Tom blushed. “I know that this isn’t making you feel… inferior, goodness knows that would be ridiculous, but I…” 

 

“I believe that you are fretting now.”

 

Tom laughed. “I suppose I am.”

 

“Finish your breakfast, we have work to do,  _ apprentice. _ ” 

 

“Yessir.” Tom addressed himself to remaining food while Loki chuckled. 

 


	24. Novel

  


_Hey Lucas, how do you feel about science fiction novels?_

 

Loki looked at the personal message he’d received from one of his fellow students with curiosity. It was from one of the American women. She read a lot and frequently recommended books to the group, and to Loki in particular.

 

_I’ll read anything as long as it’s interesting._

 

 _I found a book you might like. Mostly cuz your bf’s an actor, but it’s pretty neat._  

 

_Send me the link?_

 

Loki read so quickly that he tended to finish even books that he didn’t like that much, just for something to do. This book was independently published - which could mean anything - and the digital version cost only a few pounds. Not that Loki was concerned about money. Tom had instituted a “book budget” on himself and Loki had adopted the same rule, but given that ebooks were generally much less expensive, he could get more for the same price as Tom’s expensive hardbound volumes. Loki had acquired a tablet just for reading after he’d finished the last of Tom’s physical book collection some weeks earlier.

 

At the beginning, the novel his classmate recommended looked like a romance with some science fiction window dressing, but much of it was set at a science fiction convention, which was now a familiar setting for the god. The book felt to Loki like well worn, comfortable shirt. Easy, almost intimate. One of the main characters came from an alien world, a realm with drastically different values to the human world, which struck a strong chord with Loki.

 

He was still reading the book when Tom got home from his date with Ben several hours later. He sat next to Loki on the sofa and kissed him before looking at the tablet.  “What are you reading?”

 

“One of my classmates suggested I read this. It had something to do with you, but I have yet to encounter what they were referring to. It’s most enjoyable so far.”

 

“What’s it about?”

 

“An alien adventurer from a fictional world who comes to Earth and falls in love with a human.”

 

Tom laughed. “I can see why you like it.”

 

“He is only a bit like me, since he is a hero, and his mortal is female.”

 

“That is how it usually goes.”

 

Loki inclined his head. “There are many other types of relationships mentioned. It’s been suggested that he was in a relationship with a man previously. A villain at that.”

 

“That’s more unusual.”

 

“Indeed. I am intrigued to see if said villain appears. He sounds most interesting. The the villain is a being of order while hero is one of chaos.”

 

“How so?”

 

“He is portrayed as being part of law enforcement for a corrupt government.”

 

Tom nodded. “Like Javert and Valjean, but sleeping together?”

 

Loki had read _Les Miserables_ a few weeks ago. “Somewhat, yes.”

 

“Interesting.” Tom yawned. “I think I’m headed to bed. Are you coming?”

 

“As long as you do not mind my reading.”

 

“Of course not, love.”

 

They got ready for bed. Tom fell asleep quickly, curled up by Loki’s side, his hand on the god’s hip. Partway through the night they would most likely end up entwined in some way, but for the moment they barely touched. Even this small contact comforted the god; at times Loki felt that it was only Tom’s skin that kept him from dissolving into the meaningless chaos of the universe.

 

Loki found himself rather attracted to the hero of this story. He was rakish, and handsome in a way that the god found very appealing, tall and thin, with blue eyes and a beautiful smile. The god identified with this hero’s difficult adaptation to this strange world he’d found himself in, and the human woman who grounded him. The chaos in his soul called to Loki’s own.

 

An hour or so later, Loki set the tablet aside and wrapped himself around Tom. Shortly after, with his lover’s calming touch enfolding him, Loki fell asleep.

  


o0o

 

Through the eyes of his dreams, Loki sees the hero. In this dream, he is the villain, and Tom is the hero, trying to save him from his own madness. He dreams of passion stolen behind closed doors as they sneak about to see one another, and the lust is all the sweeter in the shadows. This pattern of “we mustn’t be caught” is familiar to Loki; a part of him has ached for the illicit sting of forbidden love.

 

The god-as-villain pulls the mortal-as-hero to him in a frantic bid for taboo kisses and unthinkable desires. He hungers for this prohibited life they share. No one must know. They are nearly caught again and again. He covers his lover's mouth with his own to smother his cries as he comes, his teammates a few feet away. They mustn’t know.

 

They must fight, when they see one another in public. Their secret is hidden by violence. For Loki to strike his precious mortal would be unthinkable, but the villain must beat the hero and be beaten in return. When they battle, it is only one step from fucking one another into the floor, but no one must know.

 

They come together, broken and bleeding, bruised and bloodied. The pain makes it sweeter. The blood tastes of ecstasy on his lover’s tongue. Groans of pain and pleasure, nearly indistinguishable. Impossible to tell one from the other when bruises are sucked into skin, nails drawn down backs, sharp enough to cut, hips gripped so tightly their marks won’t fade for days.

 

Oh, how he misses it.

 

And no one can ever know.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the short chapter today, but it's time for another E rated interlude chapter. We’ve got graphic violence (BDSM style cutting) as well as sex in this guy. If that’s something you’re into, click the link below. If not, feel free to continue with our regularly scheduled program, and know that some kinky stuff happened off screen. 
> 
>  
> 
> [Blade](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15805257)


	25. Reality

 

Loki lay on the sofa with his tablet, once again reading the novel that had inspired his dreams and everything that followed. He was pleasantly sore in many places. The cuts on his torso were healed but they still ached. He could have blocked the pain easily enough, but didn’t want to. As Tom had requested - _ordered_ \- he went about the flat shirtless, occasionally trailing his fingers over the fine pink lines. He rarely felt cold, so it was no hardship, and the predatory look on his mortal’s face every time he saw the god was more than worth any discomfort.

 

He was most of the way through the book now, and one of the human heros - the man - was in his home in London. He had fought with his lady last time they’d seen one another and he was upset. Frustrated. Angry. Rage overcame the human and he smashed the photo of himself and the lady, shattered the mirror in his bath, took a pair of scissors and hacked off his hair, let the shears clatter to the floor...

 

“Tom!”

 

The mortal took the trip from his office to the sitting room at a run. “What? What’s wrong, love?”

 

Loki handed the tablet over. “Read the last few paragraphs.”

 

Tom sat on the arm of the sofa and read. Loki watched as his facial expression went from confused to incredulous. “That’s impossible. It’s… we were _there._ ”

 

“The villain is called Halcyon Bishop. I did not put it together until now, but this is one of the realms we travelled to.”

 

“Does… does he look like me?”

 

“Both of the male protagonists resemble you strongly.” Loki had lingered on the descriptions of long legs, brilliant smiles, golden curls like a halo, and vivid blue eyes that changed color with the light. “It’s hard to believe it could be a coincidence.”

 

Tom nodded and handed the tablet back. “When was this book written?”

 

“It was published earlier this year.”

 

“Am I going to do a film based on this?”

 

“I believe that is up to you, beloved.”

 

“Are you sure? It may be inevitable.”

 

“I think not. I recently read the book that one of your films was based on, the one that took place in the large building.”

 

“ _High-Rise_? You read the book?”

 

“Indeed. When I experienced that realm; it was not the film, but the book.”

 

“What… how do you know?”

 

Loki shrugged. “Events occurred differently.”

 

“A lot was changed in the adaptation.”

 

“As you say, but it seems that films are not the only source of these alternate realms.” Loki paused. “You must feel no obligation to pursue this.”

 

“I… I read the audiobook of _High-Rise_ , you know, and didn’t vocal performances count, since Dr. Strange encountered Smaug?”

 

“I don’t know, beloved, but that seemed to be the case. Who knows what constitutes a viable universe?”  

 

Tom seemed to accept this. “Should I read this?” He tapped the tablet with two fingers.

 

“Allow me to finish it before I answer that question. I fear what is happening to your former host may not end well.”

 

Tom nodded. “I wonder if what we did had any impact.”

 

“I cannot say, but there is a… space in the text that coincides with the period when we were there. The character blacks out and reawakens the following morning with no memory of what passed.”

 

“Huh.”

 

Loki chuckled. “I had wondered why I found these characters so attractive, it all makes sense now.”

 

Tom laughed. “We’re both so narcissistic.”

 

“I cannot help it if you are quite the most beautiful man I have ever seen, beloved.”

 

“I could say the same to you.”

 

“Then it is lucky we found one another.”

 

o0o

 

Loki finished the novel later that day. He was startled by the implications of what he had read. The mechanism for traveling between dimensions was different from what he had done, but the visual effect - a rainbow iridescent warp in the air - was accurate. It resembled the bifrost, accessing his pocket dimension, and portals created by the Tesseract, including the one Loki had made to get to Tom’s version of Midgard. How could a human _know_ that? The concept of an interdimensional nexus was prominent to the resolution to the story as well, the same concept Loki had encountered in relation to Tom bare weeks ago.

 

Parts of the novel suggested that this was one tiny story in a vast universe of many universes and dimensions. That this sort of thing happened all the time, but no one noticed because it was normally subtle. A quick slip from one nearly identical universe to another.

 

Loki shivered. It was far too close to reality.

 

The hero returned to his home realm in the end, taking his villain with him. The humans came together happily, though not without their difficulties.

 

Tom’s words to Bishop came back to Loki; try to heal, not harm. The villain’s plan had been an attempt to make the human’s realm better. It would have eradicated the universe, but he had been _trying_ to improve rather than destroy. He had desperately sought his lover out, but had fought him even as he wanted to fuck him, just like in Loki’s dream.

 

It was odd, this reflection that rang so true to the god.

 

“Done?”

 

Loki looked up at Tom and nodded. “I think you should read it.”

 

“Okay. Will knowing what happened in that scene ruin it for me?”

 

Loki smiled. He was amused by the mortal concept of “spoilers”. Agardians had no such sensibilities about their sagas and tales. “I do not believe so, beloved. Certain things will be more obvious, but you should enjoy it.”

 

“Can you transfer the file to my tablet?”

 

“Of course.”

 

Tom nodded, kissed Loki’s temple and walked into the kitchen. “Did you want tea?”

 

“Thank you, yes.” The god pulled a large leather-bound journal from his pocket dimension - he noticed the iridescent ripple in the air more poignant than he would usually have done - and lay it on the coffee table. He flipped through the pages before he found what he was looking for.

 

Tom wandered back in. “What’s that?”

 

“One of my workbooks. I’m looking at the notes I made when I was working with the Tesseract to come to this realm.”

 

“It looks like a load of maths.”

 

“Mathematics is one language used to express the universe, this is another.” Loki flipped a page and pointed to a diagram. Circles and lines, intertwined and in layers. “This explains the relationship between my former universe and this one, each layer indicating another realm.”

 

Tom looked at the series of interconnected lines and symbols with a small frown. “I’ve always been rubbish at maths.”

 

Loki laughed. “This is perhaps too advanced for your current level of comprehension. In truth, few would be able to understand it. Expressing four or five dimensions in only two is a challenge, and one must be able to extrapolate the diagram into the real world.”

 

“I can just barely think in three dimensions, five is right out.”

 

“The dimensions are right on top of one another, beloved, adjacent and at angles. It would be a simple twist of the mind to comprehend the next one, much like being able to see the magical energies of the world.”

 

“I still think that’s too advanced for me right now.”

 

“You are most likely correct.” Loki traced the diagram with his finger. “There would be many ways of achieving such an effect, but it would require a great deal of power no matter what. However, the visual effect _would_ be the same, unless the laws of the universe were different.”

 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

 

The god looked back up at the human with a contrite expression. “My apologies, beloved. Shall I try and explain it?”

 

Tom shook his head. “If you come to a conclusion that you might think I’d understand, let me know then.” He got up and went back to the kitchen as the kettle boiled.

 

Loki turned his attention back to the diagram. This configuration was used to model the process of moving physically from one plane to another, but it could be done astrally, and that was much simpler. Tom had a marked affinity for such travel, and Loki still had no idea why. The mortal had gained much better control since they encountered the ‘mad Tom’, and hadn’t accidentally slipped between dimensions since. What Loki was thinking of was a slightly different permutation of the travel, however. Since he didn’t have Tom’s natural ability, he would have to go at the problem sideways, so to speak, through one of the dimensions he understood better. If Loki could discover a way to move between universes himself more easily, Tom would be free to travel as he wished.

 

The god unfolded a large page from the journal, spreading it across the coffee table. He summoned a pencil and was making a note in one of the margins when Tom returned with the tea.

 

“You need a workroom.”

 

Loki looked up at the mortal and blinked. “Am I in the way?”

 

“No, of course not, but you need your own space, like I have my office.” Tom sat on the sofa and handed the god his tea. “I’ve been thinking; we should get a house.”

 

Loki reared back. “What?”

 

“We should buy a house, someplace larger than the flat, so you have your own space. I’d like a proper library, a larger kitchen. This place is… was fine when it was just me, and I spent more time travelling, but I think we need a… an upgrade.”

 

Loki felt a trickle of wetness on his cheek and realized he was crying. He set his tea down and wiped his eyes.

 

“Oh, love, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…” Tom wiped a tear away with his thumb, and cradled Loki’s jaw and stared into his eyes. “You’re not upset.”

 

The god shook his head. “I… I’m happy.”

 

“Happy enough to cry?”

 

“I… Beloved, you’re talking about a home for _us_. Not your home that I’m living in. A space for both of us, together. That we would share for many years to come.”

 

“Well, of course.”

 

Loki smiled; it was so straightforward for Tom. “Can you not see how I might find that significant?”

 

“I… Yes of course. I’m sorry, I’ve been thinking about this for weeks, so I got used to the idea a bit ago. Of course it’s significant.”

 

“Do you wish to stay in London?”

 

“I do. I’d like to stay near where we are now, if possible. I like this neighborhood.”

 

Loki smiled at that. He suspected it was more related to the proximity of the Less Relevant Mortal than the neighborhood itself, pleasant though it was. “I do as well.”

 

Tom grinned and bounced lightly in his seat. “I’ve been looking around a bit, just to see what options may be available, but I wanted to talk to you first, to see if there was anything in particular that you wanted in a house. I figured we’ll need an office for me, a workroom for you, a guest room, and of course a decent master suite.”

 

Loki nodded. “And a larger kitchen; you mentioned a library as well.”

 

“That’s less important than the rest, but yes.” Tom glanced up at the book-lined room. “The books can live everywhere else like they do now if they don’t have a specific home.”

 

“I expect that your book collection will grow to fill the house no matter what we do, beloved.”

 

Tom laughed and rubbed the back of his head. “You’re probably right. What about a garden?”

 

“It would be nice, but I think your library takes precedence.”

 

“I imagine we can manage a scrap of garden no matter what, it’s just a question of how big.”

 

“Have you not looked at any homes in person?”

 

Tom shook his head. “I didn’t want to do it without you.”

 

A strangled cry escaped the god’s throat, and Loki threw himself at his mortal, knocking him over onto the sofa. He was crying again and Tom ran a soothing hand through his hair. “Hey, it’s okay, love.”

 

“Have I told you how indescribably wonderful you are?”

 

Tom gave a muffled laugh. Loki was heavy. “Not today.”

 

“You are perfect.”

 

Tom sighed and kissed the top of Loki’s head. “Sometimes I wish I could punch Thor in the face.”

 

Loki looked up. “What?”

 

“Nobody’s ever treated you decently, have they?”

  
  
The god raised an eyebrow at his mortal. “I was a prince.”

 

“Nobody has ever taken your wants and needs into account, made their choices with you specifically in mind?”

 

“I… my mother, perhaps.”

 

“This is what partners do, Loki, they make their decisions together; think of the other as well as - before - themselves.” Tom ran his hand through Loki’s hair. “You’ve said you just want me to be happy. I want that too, and you seem continually surprised by it. That’s why I want to punch Thor.”

 

“I…” The image of his beautiful mortal defending him against his loutish brother flashed through Loki’s mind. It was amusing - and Thor would probably let Tom hit him, since he would barely feel it - but of course it could never happen. “You are very kind, beloved.”

 

“I love you.”

 

Loki smiled. “I love you.” He still said those words rarely. It felt like too much, sometimes, but he always said them back to Tom.

 

“Maybe I could punch Chris? It wouldn’t be as satisfying though.”

 

Loki laughed. “Your Thor has never harmed me, though I appreciate the thought.”

 

“It would purely be a proxy punch.”

 

“How alliterative.”

 

Tom grinned. “What can I say? I am burdened with glorious dialogue.”

 

Loki laughed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I stole the “burdened with glorious dialogue” line from “Clouds in my Coffee” by G33kinthepink because the line made me laugh for like an hour.


	26. Royals

 

Loki had fallen asleep on th the sofa. 

 

This was nothing unusual, but he leaned against Tom, head cradled against the human’s shoulder, which meant that Tom couldn’t get up without waking him. They’d watched  _ The Princess Bride _ after Tom had called Loki “the Dread Pirate Roberts”; it wasn’t  _ his _ fault that the god said “as you wish” all the time. The analogy went further than that, of course. Tom hadn't thought beyond the quote when he'd suggested they watch the film, but being “mostly dead” and coming back for true love… that hit a bit close to home. 

 

Loki’s response was to teasingly called him “Buttercup” after the film was over. The resultant tussle had ended predictably, and now they were covered only by the afghan, and the god was asleep. 

 

Tom reflected that Loki would frequently refer to him as various female characters’ names, but he didn’t think that the god meant it as an insult, despite Asgard’s attitudes towards women. Loki didn’t seem particularly sexist, just misanthropic in general. And there were worse things to be than a beautiful princess, after all. 

 

Gender itself wasn’t very important to their relationship; they were both flexible about their preferences, and any power dynamic went both ways. Loki was still unwilling to do anything that might actually  _ hurt _ Tom, but the god, unsurprisingly, had a dominant streak a mile wide. His inclination to experience pain, on the other hand had been more of a shock. It made Tom squirm to even think about it. 

 

So being called Buttercup, or Eve, or Edith - all names Loki had used for him - meant nothing. The god was the hero of his own reality, and Tom would gladly be the princess to his prince. He’d once seen a meme of Loki being referred to as a Disney Prince, which was funny, if only moderately accurate. He’d shown the meme to the god, who found it hilarious once he understood the context. Tom hadn’t tried to explain to Loki the old fashioned Disney dynamic of prince and princess, they just sat down to watch a few films. 

 

When he thought about it, Tom had rescued Loki, not the other way around, and the god would be the first to admit it. Tom suspected that if he challenged Loki, the god would say that they were both princes. It wasn’t the first time Loki had been in a relationship with another prince. Despite their age difference -  _ species _ difference - theirs was a partnership of equals. 

 

On the other hand, Loki outweighed him considerably, and there was no way Tom was going to be able to go to bed until the god moved off of him. So, to wake him up or just try and sleep here? It wouldn’t be the first time they’d spent the night on the sofa.  

 

“Loki?” Tom ran his hand through the god’s hair. “Love, wake up.” 

 

Loki made a contented noise, shifted against Tom’s chest, and started to snore. 

 

“Not going anywhere, I suppose.” Tom sighed, pulled the afghan up higher, and resigned himself to the sofa for the night. 

 

o0o

 

Sound echoed in the space around him. A large, empty room, made of stone. He was sure of it.

 

Tom opened his eyes. 

 

He was reminded at once of Buckingham Palace and the throne room in Asgard. This almost looked like a combination of the two. The floors were shiny, gold-veined black stone - marble or possibly quartz - as were the pillars that stretched to the ceiling fifty feet above. A red velvet carpet ran from one end of the football pitch-sized room to the other. A raised dais sat at one end, adorned by a pair of thrones. Both of the elaborate chairs were gilt with velvet cushions. On one, the pillows were sapphire blue, the other, emerald green. 

 

A deep sense of trepidation filled Tom’s chest. He could sense the presence of the self that resided in this world.  _ Two _ selves. The second had to be Loki. The god usually spiked in his awareness, though not always. Tom headed in the direction of the presences, past the thrones, through the wall. 

 

He entered a library; the walls lined with wooden shelves covered in glass doors, filled with leather-bound tomes. A fire burned cheerfully in the fireplace. Loki reclined on an antique Victorian chaise lounge, a book in one hand, a glass of wine in the other. He wore an asymmetrical tunic of brilliant green silk, black leather trousers and boots. A woman stood by his side, head bowed, a silver tray in her hands with a wine bottle on it. Tom didn’t recognize the vintage - it might not even exist in his own universe - but there was a layer of dust on the bottle that spoke of decades in a wine cellar. The woman was perfectly still, eyes downcast, her fine brown hair hanging limp over her shoulders. 

 

“Loki? Are you still in here?” Tom turned to see the local version of himself walking through the door. His hair was swept back and a bit more ginger than his own usually was, with a neatly trimmed beard. He was wearing jeans, a black cashmere jumper, and Tom’s own usual boots.  The clothes were things he himself would wear, but they were so incongruous with opulence of the surroundings and Loki’s attire that Tom started. 

 

The god looked up and waved the book with a languid hand. “Obviously. Is there something that requires my attention?” 

 

The local Tom sighed and dropped down onto a chair across from the god. “Yes, I need your help with the ambassador from Canada. She’s being uncooperative.”

 

Loki rolled his eyes dramatically. “Can’t we just threaten to destroy Ontario or something of the kind?” 

 

“I’m rather fond of Ontario.” 

 

“Fine, Quebec. Nobody cares about the French, Canadian or otherwise.” 

 

The other Tom leaned forward and interlaced his fingers. “That defeats the purpose of the threat, doesn’t it? We could threaten to support the secessionists. That worked for the States last time” 

 

“What do you need me for, then?” 

 

“She’s terrified of you, she thinks I’m ‘cute’.” 

 

Loki grinned. “Take her to the gallery and show her your collection, I'm sure she'll decide to be terrified of you as well.” 

 

The native Tom rolled his eyes. “That has never worked.” 

 

“I'm fairly certain that's why Lady Anne decided she wanted to sleep with you.” 

 

“Hmm. You might be right.” 

 

“And that worked out. Eventually.” 

 

“She was sectioned, Loki.” 

 

The god laughed. “Exactly.” 

 

Tom watched this bizarre tennis match of a conversation with growing horror. 

 

“That was never the intention and you know it.” 

 

“That wasn't  _ your _ intention.” Loki sat up and set his book aside. “I am more than willing to use every weapon in our arsenal, which includes your lovely body.” 

 

The other Tom sat back. “Obviously. But I could have probably just seduced her without any… extras.” 

 

The god laughed again. “Where would be the fun in that?” 

 

The other man sighed and rolled his eyes. “Sometimes it's better to be seen as benevolent.” 

 

“That's what I have you for, my dear.” 

 

“And I have you for striking fear in the hearts of the mere mortals, so could you please come be terrifying for me?” 

 

“Oh very well.” Loki sighed and got to his feet. “Are you quite certain that we can't eradicate Ontario?” 

 

Tom shook his head. “I had a rather nice time in Toronto; I'm not going to destroy it because you don’t want to leave the library today.” 

 

“Very well,” Loki repeated. The god shifted his stance and black, green, and gold ceremonial armor replaced the silk. He wore a gold diadem - complete with horns - studded with emeralds. “You might make more of an impression if you were properly dressed.” 

 

The local Tom nodded, clicked his fingers, and was instantly garbed in a cobalt blue silk-velvet tunic, black leggings and boots. He wore a crown of red-gold set with diamonds and sapphires. Tom's mouth dropped open at this transformation; this version was clearly a far stronger magician than himself. 

 

Loki held out his arm and the other Tom lay his own over it so that the palm of his hand lay on the back of Loki's, the length of their arms touching. The servant girl, who'd remained motionless this entire time, scampered to the door and opened it for them. The pair swept out into the corridor beyond.  

 

Tom followed. 

 

Or tried to. 

 

As he went through the doorway he was snagged and bound in cobwebs of energy. They clung to his skin and hair, arresting his progress completely. As one, the local Tom and Loki pivoted to face the doorway. Loki waved a hand and Tom cried out as he was forced into corporeality. 

 

“What do we have here?” Loki moved away from his Tom and into his personal space. “A World Walker?” The god glanced over his shoulder. “He looks like you.” 

 

The other Tom approached and reached up to touch his cheek. Tom tried to pull away, but couldn’t move; the net just tightened around him. “Let me go.” 

 

The fingers went from a small caress on Tom’s jaw to a harsh grip on his chin. “He sounds like me too.” 

 

Loki chuckled. “Indeed. Why have you come, little mortal?” 

 

Tom struggled, but he was stuck tight. “It was an accident. Let me go!”

 

“An accident you say?” The god raised an eyebrow. “Do you believe him, dearest?” 

 

“Hrmm.” The other Tom peered into his eyes. “No, I don’t.” 

 

“Neither do I. What shall we do with him?” 

 

“Good question.” The other Tom yanked his head up; he was easily as strong as Loki. 

 

Tom tried to make himself incorporeal again, to escape the other’s hands, get out of his bonds. He focused on phasing back out of this reality. It seemed to work, he felt himself lose cohesion, but instead of falling through the bonds, they grew stronger and the other man’s hand phased with him. 

 

“Oh my, isn’t he talented?” Loki grinned. “He’s taking you with him.” 

 

“So he is.” The other Tom reached for the doorframe and his hand passed right through it. “We should keep him.” 

 

“Oh I agree.” 

 

Tom was frantic now. He tried to pull himself out again, this time back to his own universe, but the lines of power held fast. “Please let me go.” 

 

“Mmmmm, no, I think not.” Loki grabbed a handful of Tom’s curls and pulled his head back so his throat was bared. “You are far too interesting to not keep.” 

 

Loki had said this was dangerous, and he’d been right. Tom reached for the fine green line in the back of his head and sent out a cry of pure desperation and panic along it. 

 

“Where shall we put him?” the other Tom asked, trailing his fingers along Tom’s neck. “It wouldn’t do for him to get away, but I want to play with him.” 

 

“I can reinforce the wards on your playroom, that should hold him. At least until we can have something special built.” 

 

“If you could add extra warding to the chains as well, I’d be obliged. I don’t want him to move around too much.” The hand at Tom’s throat tightened slowly, and it became increasingly difficult to breathe, which unfortunately - now that he was corporeal - Tom needed to do. “Are you sure you don’t want to keep him yourself?” 

 

Loki chuckled. “I’m content for you to have him, as long as I might visit from time to time.” 

 

“Of course. I’m always happy to share my toys with you.” 

 

“I do appreciate it.” 

 

Tom’s vision grew darker, but he could hear them kissing over the blood rushing in his ears. Maybe they’d distract each other? But the hand on his throat tightened instead of loosening. The world was fading fast, blackness flooded his being. Then, just before he slipped into oblivion, he felt something. As thought the room had suddenly gotten warmer and colder simultaneously. There was a strangled cry and the hand on his neck jerked and let go.

 

“What?” Loki shouted, then let out a rage-filled screech. 

 

Tom managed to open his eyes. Instead of being faced by the warped version himself and this world’s Loki, there were now two Lokis, both with murder in their eyes. The other Tom lay on the floor, crown knocked askew, one of Loki’s daggers imbedded in the base of his skull. Blood stained the marble floor below him. 

 

Tom’s Loki wore a set of battle armor, helmet and all, and brandished a pair of daggers. He was in a low crouch like a coiled snake, ready to spring. The resident Loki manifested a spear in his hands and rushed at Tom’s Loki. His eyes bled green fire and he shouted a wordles cry of rage and charged the invader god. 

 

If they hadn’t been wearing different armor and wielding different weapons, it would have been impossible to tell the two Lokis apart, and Tom found himself dubbing the local god “King Loki” to prevent total confusion. They both fought with liquid grace and viscous tactics. Neither appeared to be using magic, simply fighting with the weapons in their hands. The King was enraged, berserked, which made him sloppy and heedless of his own wounds. The other Loki - his Loki - had nicked the King several times with his blades, so the other’s hands were bleeding. Tom’s Loki appeared to be clearer headed, slipping away from the spear with practiced ease even as he struck with his daggers. 

 

If Tom hadn’t been nearly catatonic with terror, it would have been an awesome sight. More raw and ferocious than the fight choreography in any of his films, and at the same time more elegant. If he hadn’t already known what he was looking at, one second of this battle would have revealed its nature. 

 

This was a clash of gods.

 

As the pair fought, Tom could feel his bindings loosen. The local magics were fading, either because King Loki was busy, or because King Tom was dead. He managed to slide free of the magical webbing and tumble out of the doorframe into the hall where the Lokis battled. He turned to the pair and saw to his horror that tears streaked King Loki’s face, even as he snarled at his opponent. He swung his spear in a wide arc and struck Loki’s hand with the haft, and the god’s dagger went flying. Loki shook his hand, looked over, saw that Tom was free and backed towards him. 

 

“We must go, beloved.” 

 

Tom reached out for the hand that Loki was reaching out to him, but they passed through each other. The god made a small cry of dismay and backed towards him another step. Loki lost sight of the other god, and the King knocked the remaining dagger from his hand. 

 

“I will destroy you both,” King Loki shrieked. “Rip you limb from limb while you choke on your own blood. You will suffer for slaying my love.” The spear was pointed at his Loki’s chest and they were being backed up to the wall. 

 

“You have no one to blame but yourself,” Tom’s Loki snarled. “Do not touch what is not yours.” 

 

The King shouted a wordless, agonized battle cry and rushed them. Tom focused hard, grabbed Loki’s wrist and pulled them through the wall. 

 

Loki stumbled against him as they found themselves in the library. “Let’s go,” Tom whispered urgently. From the sound of things, King Loki had lodged his spear in the wall and struggled to pull it out. 

 

The god nodded, wrapped his arms around Tom, and they pulled away. 

 

o0o   
  


Tom had never been so pleased to see his own sitting room. They had returned via dozens of other universes, skipping through them like stones on a lake, but they were finally back. He clung to Loki like the god was driftwood on the open ocean, keeping him from drowning in the seas of his own fears. 

 

“Beloved, are you well?” 

 

Tom nodded and held on tighter. 

 

Loki wrapped his arms around Tom more firmly and kissed his chest. “That was… unexpected.” 

 

The human let out a burst of laughter. “They were insane, love. They…” He tried to laugh and cry at the same time and it came out as a sad little hiccup. “Do you think he’ll come after us?”

 

“I would.” 

 

Tom kissed the top of Loki’s head. “But can he?”

 

The god sighed. “He has the Tesseract, so possibly.” 

 

“What?” 

 

“That Loki still had the Tesseract. I could feel it. I assume that was at least part of how they were able to achieve such preeminence in that realm. This is why I brought us back by such a circuitous route, to avoid being traced home.”

 

Tom nodded and rubbed his throat. He could still feel the other Tom’s inhumanly strong fingers on his neck in a phantom hold. “That version of me was so powerful. I could feel it under his skin, see his magic flowing like yours does. He was so  _ strong.” _

 

Loki snarled and tightened his arms. “He should never have touched you.” 

 

“I’m fine love. You saved me.” 

 

“I would do anything to protect you.” 

 

Tom shuddered. “But you killed someone, you killed a version of  _ me. _ That must have been difficult.” 

 

Loki was silent for a long moment. “Had I realized who it was, it might…  _ would _ have been, but all I saw was a hand at your throat.” The god kissed Tom’s shoulder and stroked his skin with a careful hand. “Had I taken another moment to assess, I would have killed the other Loki instead. Despite the immediate danger, he was the greater threat.” 

 

“Would that have been easier?”

 

The god nodded. “Infinitely. I would sacrifice myself for you a thousand times, and killing another version of myself would have been nothing.” 

 

Tom was silent for a long moment. He pulled Loki closer and kissed the top of his head. “I don’t want you to ever have to make that choice. Your life for mine. Never.” 

 

“I made that decision a long time ago, beloved, and I would make it again in a heartbeat.” Loki pushed himself up and gazed into his eyes. “I will always come for you, no matter what the risk.” 

 

Tom swallowed and nodded. “I’ll do my best to not put you at risk, if I can. I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to you because of me. I’ll stop travelling to other universes.”

 

Loki scoffed and shook his head. “Our life is very peaceful for the most part; there’s nothing in your Midgard that can threaten me. If it weren’t for your excursions into other universes, I might become quite bored.” 

 

The human chuckled, but privately he hoped that the god was joking about being bored. “Having just seen a more ‘exciting’ version of our lives, I don’t think it would be any better.” 

 

Loki tilted his head in acknowledgement. “I do fear for the Midgard we left behind. Their tyrant king has lost his balance, and will wreak terrible vengeance up any and all that come before him. I would do much the same if you were taken from me in such a manner.” 

 

Tom shifted and looked away. “I…”

 

The god pulled back and his gaze fell. “I’ve made you uncomfortable. Apologies.”

 

“No. No it’s fine, love.” Tom wrapped his arms around Loki’s shoulders and pulled him down, chest to chest. Ran his fingers through the god’s hair. “I know what you are, and I love you for it. I’m not… I don’t…” Tom took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “You’re a warrior. A killer. I know that. You don’t live that life anymore because of me, and I appreciate that. I know you could have.” Loki looked up at him. There was something terribly vulnerable in his pale eyes. Tom leaned down and kissed him, just a soft, simple kiss. “I’ve never been so glad of your killer’s instincts as I was today. I wish… I wish it had never happened, but I’m glad… I’m glad you killed him.” Tom forced the words out, forced himself to keep his gaze on the god’s face; he wanted to look away so badly. 

 

Loki’s eyes went wide. “Oh.” 

 

“That’s why I was uncomfortable. Not because you killed someone, not because you would seek revenge against someone who killed me, but because I’m  _ fine _ with that. I shouldn’t be fine with it. I shouldn’t be fine with the death of another sentient being, even if it was to save my own. But I am.”

 

“I…” The god looked down, then back up. “I cannot promise that I won’t kill for you again.” 

 

Tom nodded. “I know. And you were right. Maybe you should have killed the other Loki, maybe we could have escaped without hurting either of them, but… Under the circumstances, I think you were right.”

 

Loki’s shoulders fell, releasing the tension Tom had only barely registered. “Thank you.”

 

“I will never judge you for being who you are Loki, you know that, right?”

 

“I do know. But… you’d never seen…” 

 

“It’s fine. It’s all fine. You saved my life, you rescued me. Brought me back home. We just…” Tom trailed off.

 

“Just?”

 

“We need to think… we need to be sure we don’t turn into them.” 

 

Loki nodded. “I think perhaps that my other self was a particularly poor influence on that incarnation of you,” Loki replied with a half-smile. “I cannot imagine you threatening another human in such a fashion elsewise.” 

 

Tom shook his head. “No. I think… I think something must have happened to them. Both of them. That version of me was so callous, cold. He didn’t believe in humanity anymore. All he cared about was control. Power.” 

 

“Sufficient power for too long a time can make one jaded.” 

 

“Not that we have that kind of power.”

 

“No.” Loki looked at his hand where it lay on Tom’s chest. “For the first time I am pleased to have lost the Tesseract. An Infinity Stone is a great temptation.” 

 

Tom sighed. “I just hope that after a few centuries I won’t pull away from humanity myself.” 

 

Loki smiled up at him. “I’m certain that longevity will suit you well.” He reached up and ran his through Tom’s curls. “We shall keep each other in balance.” 

 

“Yes.” Tom nodded. “We just…  _ I _ need to be mindful of it. To keep myself humble.”

 

Loki chuckled. “You are already too humble as it is.”

 

“Better too humble than a megalomaniac.” 

 

The god shrugged. “I suppose.” 

 

Tom took on a mock-stern tone. “So no taking over the world, alright?” 

 

Loki laughed. “I promised you a long time ago that I would not.” 

 

“True, you did.” Tom pulled Loki up so they could kiss again. “I’ll keep holding you to that. And you’ll make sure I don’t either?”

 

The god quirked a small smile. “If you’re quite certain. I’m sure there are thousands of fangirls just panting to join your army.” 

 

Tom laughed and shook his head. “No taking over the world for either of us, alright?”

 

Loki sighed over-dramatically with a small, belying smile. “As you wish, beloved. As you wish.” 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there were no consequences whatsoever.
> 
> Just kidding! 
> 
> For the consequences of this chapter, see [" “The Madness of King Loki”.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15440688/chapters/35840325) You’ll get a very different perspective, already knowing who “the consort” is, but if your in the mood for dark!Loki, it might tickle your fancy. For the story of how Kings Tom and Loki got together (it is actually different), see [“Consorting With the Enemy”.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15852393/chapters/36922983)


	27. Red

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another darker chapter and a bunch of new tags.

 

Tom was entranced. 

 

Loki wasn't sure by what, but his mortal had been standing in one spot for several minutes without moving, staring at one of the paintings. They were at a gallery opening in a fashionable part of London unfamiliar to the god. Tom received invitations for this sort of thing all the time, but they rarely went. Ostensibly they were looking for art to put in their new house - though that was pointless since they hadn't found one - but really it was an excuse to dress up and go out together. 

 

Loki wore his illusion as easily as he wore one of Tom's bespoke suits. Being virtually identical had its advantages, the primary one being wardrobe. Loki’s coloring meant that different hues looked better on him, but since he primarily wore black, that hardly came up. The god was a little broader in the chest, but only a little. Not enough to ruin the lines of a custom tailored suit. 

 

Loki had been chatting with one of the artists for a while. He was obscurely annoyed that the young man couldn't explain anything about his work; he put everything in vague terms that meant nothing. Loki had noted this about artists from other worlds and it was irritating that the local mortals shared the same inability. After the young man used the word “light” for the twenty-seventh time, the god had had enough. Besides, he was concerned about Tom’s strange behavior. 

 

Loki drifted across the crowded space with practiced ease amassed from thousands of court functions. He said hello to a dozen people in a manner that made them think that Loki knew them - even though he didn’t - ate several canapes of varying quality, and acquired two glasses of champagne. He pressed one of the flutes into Tom's hand before looking at whatever had caught his mortal's attention so thoroughly. 

 

The painting was large enough to be displayed on its own, about two meters wide and a meter tall. Loki's first impression was of blinding white and sharp crimson. Then he saw the shadows in the white, subtle variations in what appeared to be a solid sheet of not-color. Then the red leapt out. It was liquid rubies, pure and shining. A slash in the white,  _ into _ the white, spattered across it. The descriptive tag next to the painting listed it as an abstract, but the reality of it was clear: fresh blood spray on snow. 

 

“Beloved?”

 

Tom shook himself and turned to Loki. His cheeks were flushed, his pupils dilated and there was a dark edge in his eyes that the god very rarely saw. Loki wanted to kiss him and flee simultaneously. Both were the right move. He did neither. 

 

“We need this.” Tom's voice was black struck through with the red of the painting. 

 

Loki looked back at the painting. It was beautiful, violent, brutal, primal. He loved it. “Where would we put it?” 

 

Tom grinned. “You know.” 

 

Loki shuddered. “No.” 

 

Tom raised an eyebrow and took a step closer, sharp, wicked smile still on his lips. 

 

Loki fought the urge to run. “Please, beloved. This is all you would see.” 

 

Tom’s gaze flicked to the god’s throat and back up to his eyes. “Not  _ all.” _

 

Loki closed his eyes, breathed, then nodded. “Whatever you wish.” Tom’s lips crashed on his and the god jumped, but he was helpless to do anything but kiss back. The mortal’s withdrawal  a handful of seconds later felt like abandonment and Loki suppressed a whine. He opened his eyes again; Tom was dodging through the crowd as easily as Loki had himself earlier. The god tipped the remainder of the champagne down and wished he could get drunk more easily on this weak Midgardian alcohol. He looked back at the painting, took a step closer to it. The tiny droplets of red were perfect. The tracking skills that he’d learned as a child were a faded memory, but he could tell that the wound was created by a slashing blade, whether a sword or a dagger, he couldn’t say. This was certainly arterial spray. Deadly. Depending on the size of the creature, possibly an instant kill. The realism was stunning. 

 

Loki stared at the painting for long minutes. He now understood why Tom had been so captivated, though the god knew that his mortal saw something very different than he did. For Loki, this was an image of the hunt, of the killing and violence of a seasoned warrior. Beautiful, yes, but in a matter of fact way that all things are beautiful. The exquisite transcendence found in life, from birth to death, in all its chaotic glory. 

 

For Tom…

 

“Let’s go.” The black velvet voice made Loki shiver. He hadn’t noticed Tom’s approach until the mortal was breathing against his neck, front pressed up against Loki’s back. A long hand drifted to Loki’s hip under his perfectly cut jacket. The god glanced over his shoulder at the actor. Tom’s eyes were riveted on the red and white in front of them. 

 

“You’ve arranged to acquire the painting?”

 

“I have.” The hand snuck around Loki’s waist, and pulled him back, tight against Tom’s hips. “Nothing more to be done here, let’s go.” 

 

Loki closed his eyes and leaned his head back so that it rested on his mortal’s shoulder, exposing a long line of throat. “As you will.” 

 

Loki felt the ghost of fingertips along the delicate skin of his adam's apple, down to the hollow below. The arm around his waist tightened, then Loki was free. Tom headed for the doors at a brisk pace. The mortal glanced over his shoulder with an expectant look and Loki hastened for follow. 

 

The cab ride seemed to calm the mortal down, to Loki’s relief and dismay. Tom looked less… feral by the time they reached home.

 

The door to their flat closed with a quiet click that sounded ominous to the god. Tom's mood had shifted, but Loki couldn’t tell exactly how. A clock ticked from a high shelf as the men breathed in the oppressive silence. Tom was facing away from the door, away from Loki, head down, hands clenched into fists. 

 

“Beloved?” 

 

Tom glanced over his shoulder. He didn’t meet the god’s gaze, but at least he recognized that Loki was there. 

 

Loki tried again. “Are you well?” 

 

Tom laughed. Laughed Loki’s darkest laugh. The one that the god had cultivated specifically to be intimidating. “No.” His voice was just as dark as the laugh.

 

Loki took a few quicks steps and wrapped his arms around his lover’s torso, chest pressed up against his back. “I can help you.” 

 

“Can you?”

 

“Yes.” 

 

“Tell me you know what that means. That you know what I want and that you want it too.” There was an undercurrent of desperation beneath the black velvet promise. 

 

Loki released him and walked around so they faced one another. God and mortal locked gazes for a long moment. Tom’s eyes were black in the dim light of the flat. Inky with desire and harsh with intensity. Loki’s breath caught; his mortal was so beautiful like this. The god leaned in and brought their lips together, his own mouth soft and pliant against Tom’s. He thought that Tom might deepen the kiss instantly, but his mortal hesitated. 

 

Loki understood. He pulled away and met Tom’s eyes again. “I know, and I do.” The god vanished his clothes and dropped to his knees, head bowed. He held up one hand, palm open and flat, summoned one of his daggers and offered up the blade. 

 

Tom’s fingertips brushed the god’s palm as he took the knife. Loki tilted his head to one side and brushed his hair aside to expose the long line of his neck. The god heard his mortal’s breath hitch. The chill blade against his throat was an icy kiss. He gasped at the cold, smooth contact. Moaned as the blade bit into his skin. Cried as red tears dripped down his chest. Screamed as the mortal took what the god had offered. 

  
  


o0o

  
  


Tom woke with a start, panic clutching at his chest. A nightmare image burned in his mind, of Loki collapsed on the floor, blood pouring from the god’s throat. He looked around frantically, horribly afraid that Loki was dead again, but this time by his hand, and for good. He found the god quickly, splayed out on his back, paler than usual, raven hair like streams of ink spilled over his shoulders, spread out over the pillows. Tom put a hand on Loki’s chest and relaxed. He could feel the snap of magic strong between them, the rise and fall of breath, and his heartbeat slow and solid under his ribs. Fine pink lines - already healed and faded - laced the god’s chest and neck. The actor hung his head and curled himself around his sleeping lover. Loki stirred, wrapped an arm around Tom’s shoulders and made a soft, contented noise.

 

Tom  shuddered against the god’s side. Loki, beautiful, wonderful,  _ alive _ Loki was in his arms, in his bed.  _ Their _ bed. The god had accepted, trusted, beseeched, cried, screamed, all for him. It was wondrous. And terrible. How could he allow this perfect, precious life be endangered by the person who loved it the most? It was unconscionable. 

 

“Stop fretting.” 

 

“Sorry.” 

 

Loki sighed. “I am perfectly well, you need not grieve your actions.”

 

“I…”

 

“I am uninjured and well satisfied, what is the problem?” 

 

“Things… got away from me.”

 

The god sighed again. “Is that not the point?”

 

Tom covered his face with a hand. “No, it isn’t. I should stop. The painting was a mistake.” 

 

“It was not, nor should you cease these activities.” 

 

“Loki, please, I…” 

 

“Stopping would be a terrible waste of your more… violent potential.” 

 

“I wish you wouldn’t put it like that.”

 

“Aggressive? Dominant? Dangerous? Is there a term you’d prefer?”

 

“I don’t… I don’t think about it much if I can help it.”

 

Loki frowned. “Why?”

 

Tom shifted against the god’s side. “I feel guilty. It’s at odds with who I want to be.”

 

“Ah. I do see. I had wondered.” 

 

“Wondered?” 

 

“I had thought that you’d be… averse to such actions because of your compassionate nature. This is much the reason I’d not brought it up myself. Good men to not slice their partners open with knives while they fuck them.” Loki grinned. “I’m most pleased that your compassion extends as far as it does.” 

 

Tom blushed furiously. “What on Earth does that have to do with compassion?” 

 

“Beloved, this violence is something that I need, from time to time. What’s more compassionate than seeing to the needs of another?” 

 

“I…” Tom frowned. Loki was right, but it still felt wrong. He fought the urge to move away. “That makes sense. I suppose.” 

 

“You are uncomfortable.”

 

“Well, yes. I feel like… like I took advantage of you, especially last night.” 

 

Loki laughed. “I grew up in a violent society. Even if you were to attack me several times daily, it would simply remind me of my childhood. What you have done was one of the few ways that you could possibly harm me or cause me more than the tiniest amount of physical pain. As you once presumed, sparring is like foreplay to my culture. The aftermath of a battlefield is a sight to behold. A touch of bleeding  is nothing next to that.” He fixed Tom with his gaze. “And I want it so desperately. You could not possibly have ‘taken advantage’.” 

 

“I just feel like I shouldn’t enjoy it so much. It seems... wrong.” 

 

“I would be taking advantage of  _ you, _ if you did not care for it.” 

 

Tom shook his head. He wasn’t sure he could explain this to Loki in a way that would make sense. “I’m just glad you don’t take permanent damage easily.” 

 

“I recall you bemoaning the lack of scars.”

 

“Loki, please!”

 

The god chuckled. “Apologies, beloved.” 

 

“I… I have a difficult time countenancing the urge to hurt someone with everything else about my life. I want to make the world better, not add more suffering.” 

 

“I do understand. The two don’t necessarily have anything to do with one another, but I can see how you might feel they conflict.”

 

“That’s… that’s why I insisted that you come up with a safeword first, despite it breaking the mood a bit. I’m not willing to step outside of ‘safe, sane, and consensual’. I worry what might happen if I did.” 

 

“You fear you might become a villain yourself.”

 

Tom gave the god a half smile. “I do have some experience. And we’ve seen what happens if I do.” 

 

Loki chuckled. “Indeed. I have no fear of that. Your morality is too ingrained.” 

 

Tom shuddered. The image of Loki’s neck sliced open from his dream lingered. “I just feel like the urge to slit someone’s throat might be somewhat at odds with that.” 

 

“Ah, but you did not, and would not. That you contemplate such things does not make you a ‘bad person’.”

 

“I’ve cut your neck open, Loki.” 

 

“I wanted you to.” 

 

“It would have killed an ordinary person. I could have killed you.”

 

“I am far from ordinary, and you did not.” 

 

“It’s just so hard for me… It’s beautiful.” Tom closed his eyes, pictured the scarlet line across Loki’s throat. The glorious contrast between pale skin and dripping crimson. “I… I’ve wanted to do something like that for a long time, and it was… exquisite. And that painting, it just made me want it again. I didn’t care...” It  _ had _ been exquisite, and he was ashamed that he found something deadly so gorgeous. 

 

No, even worse. He found it sexy.

 

Loki pulled him closer. “I’m glad.” 

 

“I don’t even know what to say to that.” 

 

“Then accept it. You don’t need to comprehend this aspect of yourself. Just know that I accept it; welcome it.”

 

“I don’t know if  _ I  _ can.”

 

“Beloved, this is - with me - well within the bounds of your ‘safe, sane, and consensual’. Yes, you could harm me greatly if you so desired, but I trust you with my life. Even your more villainous self had not harmed his king. Can you not accept this? That I trust you completely?” 

 

“I suppose.” 

 

Loki cuddled closer then laughed. 

 

“What are you so delighted by?” 

 

“I’m pleased that I can finally do for you what you have done for me.” 

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“You have been trying to persuade me that some of the aspects of myself that I… do not care for are not... evil. This is a way that I can show you the same.” 

 

“Oh, I see.” Tom frowned. He knew that Loki’s moral compass was significantly off from his own, so having the god’s approval was not as reassuring as it might be. However, since the god was who he would be practicing his… darker urges with, it was his trust and opinion that mattered. 

 

“Do you? Do you accept that this might be something like my… my natural form?”

 

When Tom thought about it - trying to look at the situation impartially - that wasn’t an entirely bad analogy. Loki  _ hated _ his Jotun form, but it was part of who he was. He kept it hidden all the time unless it was useful. It was an aspect of himself - a beautiful, if exotic one - which, because of how he was raised, the god despised. 

 

Tom nodded slowly. “I’m not sure, but I see what you’re going for.” 

 

“You have trouble looking at this objectively. I understand. It’s difficult to see your own plight from another’s point of view. Think of it thusly, this is a part of you. You do not like it because you feel it is wrong. Where has that sense of wrongness come from? It is from your culture, which looks at violence in a limited manner. You feel strongly that violence is wrong, that the suffering is to be avoided. These beliefs are at odds with part of your nature. Yes?”

 

Tom shifted in place, but nodded. 

 

“What if it was another aspect of your nature? What if you lived a century ago when your desire for men was an anathema? You would have been taught that such desires were shameful and wrong.” 

 

“I was taught that, to some extent.” 

 

Loki nodded. “But you embrace that aspect of your nature.”

 

“I haven’t always. I’ve hidden it, been embarrassed by it.”

 

“But ultimately, you felt that the morals of your society were incorrect, not your nature, yes?”

 

“Yes, but it’s not the same, Loki. I’m not hurting anyone by having sex with men, whereas by  _ definition _ I’m hurting someone in… in the other case.” 

 

The god sighed. “But you are doing so safely. More safely than is possible than for anyone else in your realm, and there are many who participate in such practices.” 

 

“I worry that I’ll go to far.”

 

“You will not. The fact that you worry about such things  _ means  _ that you will not.” Loki kissed Tom’s hair, pulled him close. “There is no one in the realm, in… in the multiverse that I trust as much as I trust you, my love. There is no one I would rather have hold a blade to my throat, and a great many have done so.” 

 

Tom laughed. “I suppose you’re right, at least about that. One mortal with a dagger isn’t as much of a threat as an Asgardian with a sword.” 

 

“Or an axe. Or spear. Flail, hammer, mace, glave.” Loki held up a hand and counted down on his fingers, folding one down as he named each weapon. “Mostly swords, though. Not to mention non-Asgardians and their weaponry.” 

 

Tom laughed again. “You’ve been threatened a lot, haven’t you?”

 

“Does this come as a surprise?” 

 

“No. I was even there for some of it.” 

 

“Then you understand my point.” 

 

Tom sighed. “I do. Alright, I’ll do my best to… to accept this part of myself. It’s not a problem in the moment, it’s just when I think about it.” 

 

Loki nodded, rubbing his face against Tom’s curls. “I had realized that. There has been no hesitation in your actions once you’ve assured my consent.” 

 

Tom hummed his agreement. “At least I managed that.” 

 

“A lack of hesitation is very important when using a blade.” 

 

“I meant the consent part.”

 

Loki chuckled. “I’m well capable of fending off advances I do not care for, beloved. Even armed ones.” 

 

“That's really not the point. Not everyone is.” 

 

“Ah, yes. I understand. Another of your ‘morals’.” 

 

Tom was about to retort with a scathing remark, but stopped himself. “One of yours too.” 

 

Loki was quiet for a moment. “I suppose. I hadn't thought of it in that light.” 

 

“But you follow something very like it.” 

 

“I do.” The god sighed. “I have been a tyrant in my time, but one must draw the line somewhere; though it has severely limited my options in the past.” 

 

“I've said it before and I'll say it again. Asgard was terrible.” 

 

“I agree, beloved. I entirely agree.” 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter makes several references to the adjunct chapter "Blade", so if you're confused, that's probably why.


	28. House

 

House hunting - as Tom put it - was one of the most frustrating things Loki had ever experienced. It was in many ways like tracking an exceptionally wiley beast, but with no guarantee that there was even an animal to be found. They had narrowed their search to the chosen neighborhood, number of rooms and a broad price range, and there were still dozens of homes to look at. They had to agree on it, which was more difficult than the god had anticipated. Tom insisted that they both love it.

 

Weeks of searching had been fruitless. Loki could tell that his lover's patience - which was, in his experience near infinite - was wearing thin. Tom was as delightful as he usually was as they talked to their agent, but Loki could tell. There was a tightness about the mortal’s eyes that only someone who knew him extremely well would identify.

 

It was time to do something about the situation.

 

One day while Tom was at work - recording something or other in a different part of London - Loki performed a modified ritual to help him find the perfect home. In leaner times, this would have been a waste of magic, but he’d completely recovered from the journey. The illusion of Lucas clung effortlessly to his skin, and he used his seidr for little else these days. It wasn’t necessary. He needed only to have reserves available in case Tom got lost wandering between universes or needed to be rescued again.

 

The flood of magic felt exquisite as it flowed through him. Loki hadn’t done this in a while, and it was a relief to let go. Perhaps he should be attempting major works more often? The working was complex - a simpler spell would have found a house, but he wanted to find one that was perfect - a modification of a traditional seeking spell and took an hour to complete.

 

Once it was in place, Loki put his illusion back on and drifted out of the flat. He could consult a map or use or astral travel, but physical movement was more accurate. He let the  spell pull him along the streets. It was like following a tide, or ocean waves. The Vanir had an ancient way of navigating their seas which involved feeling the pull of the water on your skin and a mental map of the shores. This was much like that, but with seidr instead of water.

 

Several hours later,Loki washed up on the shore of the perfect home. It wasn’t large by his standards, but he’d lived in a palace for most of his life. The roof tilted at an unusual angle and was a single plane rather than two pieces that met in the middle like most houses he’d seen. The glorious asymmetry of it appealed to him greatly. The garden was of medium size, and mature trees towered over the home.

 

It was beautiful.

 

Loki made note of the address - and the lack of “for sale” sign - and took a handful of pictures with his mobile before returning to the flat. The spell would take into account the availability of the property, so he was confident that it _was_ for sale. Or would be shortly.

 

Tom was home when he arrived and called out to him from the kitchen. “Hello love.”

 

Loki glided over to the mortal and kissed him. “I found our house.”

 

Tom snorted and looked up from the vegetables he was chopping. “How, magic?”

 

Loki grinned. “Yes.”

 

The mortal laughed. “Of course you did. Goodness knows nothing else was working.” He laid the knife down on the cutting board and wiped his hands. “What have you got?”

 

Loki pulled up the pictures on his mobile and handed it over.

 

“It looks lovely, but is it even for sale?”

 

Loki shrugged and slipped the mobile back into his pocket. “If it isn’t yet it soon will be. Contact the agent, I’m sure she’ll be able to look into it for us.”

 

“You’re quite certain of all of this.”

 

“Of course I am.” Loki wrapped his arms around Tom’s waist and kissed him again. “It’s an excellent spell, though it did require some modification.”

 

“House hunting not really a thing in Asgard?”

 

Loki chuckled. “Not as such, no.”

 

“I’ll call her in the morning. Hopefully the interior is what we’re looking for.” Tom disentangled himself, picked the knife back up and went back to his chopping. He looked back up at Loki a second later. “Thank you love, that was very thoughtful of you.”

 

The god smiled. “You’re quite welcome. I would have done it far earlier had I realized that this would be such a difficult task.”

 

Tom nodded and smiled back. “I didn’t even know that it was possible to find the perfect house using magic.”

 

Loki chuckled. “Most things are possible given time, effort, and sufficient power.” He made an intricate gesture behind his back, then waved a hand over the cutting board. All of the remaining vegetables fell into identical cubes.

 

Tom’s mouth dropped open. “How… wait, no. I wouldn’t understand. Why don’t you do that all the time?”

 

“It requires more energy than would be gained by eating that food. It’s not practical.”

 

“But terribly impressive.”

 

The god laughed. “I’m willing to do a great deal to be terribly impressive, at least for you.”

 

“For anybody, I’d think.”

 

“That’s less true than it once was, but yes.”

 

Tom grinned at Loki and kissed him. “You're amazing.”

 

Loki chuckled. “And you are sweeter than this world can bear.”

 

o0o

 

The house had gone up for sale the day Tom called about it, and was being taken care of by another agent in the same firm they were using. Tom and Loki took a tour that afternoon.

 

It was perfect.

 

There was plenty of space for both of them, an open concept living area much like they had now, though bigger, and even a space that would be ideal for a library. It was modern and sleek without being cold, all warm wood and stone, with odd angles and nooks.

 

Tom couldn't keep himself from grinning, both at the house and the incredibly smug look plastered on Loki’s face. Room after room just proved more and more perfect. The master suite even had a bathtub they'd both fit in at the same time. Not an inconsequential feat for two men over six feet tall.

 

“Make an offer; their asking price is fine,” Tom said to the agent as he stared at the giant tub. “We want it.”

 

“I'll phone them now.” She smiled and walked out of the room, leaving Loki and Tom alone in the bath.

 

“I assume you're as thrilled with this place as I am?” Tom asked. Loki resembled a cat who'd been given a whole fish for supper, so he was confident that his read on the god was correct.

 

“Indeed, beloved. It's better than I expected.” Loki looked around the clean, white room. “Perhaps some painting might be in order, but overall, superlative.”

 

“Paint is easy.” Tom wrapped his arms around Loki's waist. “And magic is wonderful. We'd never have found this place if it wasn't for you.”

 

Loki kissed Tom's cheek. “We might have, but perhaps not. I was certain we’d find a lovely home, no matter what. I simply wished for you to experience less… frustration with the process.”

 

“And when we get home, I’ll show you exactly how appreciative I am.”

 

Loki grinned. “I look forward to it. And I look forward to making every room in this home ours in every way possible.”

 

They kissed for a long moment.

 

“If you still want to put the painting in the bedroom, I’m amenable to it.”

 

Tom stilled. They hadn’t spoken of the painting in a week. It still hung in the gallery, a discrete “sold” sign in the corner.

 

“Perhaps in my office would be better?”

 

“Surely you would want the walls free for shelving?”

 

“I…”

 

“We needn’t decide this now.”

 

“No, I suppose not.”

 

“If it were above the bed, it would not be as… obvious as it might be. You would be more likely to see it at appropriate times.”

 

“What about you?”

 

Loki raised an eyebrow. “What about me?”

 

“I know you like it, but what will seeing it do to... your mood?”

 

“I think it lovely, but I don’t see it in the same light. It represents the hunt, my life as a warrior, little more than that.”

 

“Ah.” Tom leaned in and set his chin on Loki’s shoulder. “Alright, let’s tentatively plan on putting it above the bed. We can change our minds later if we want.”

 

“Indeed. And there is an entire house to plan for and decorate, not just our bedroom.”

 

“There is. Do you want to hire someone to take care of that?”

 

“I think not.”

 

Tom pulled back. “It’s a lot of work and I won’t be able to help much.”

 

“I am perfectly capable, beloved. I redesigned my own chambers several times during my time at the palace, and I am well versed in telling others what to do.”

 

Loki had shown Tom an illusion of his suite as second prince; it had been about the size of their flat, so this wasn’t a small task. “I suppose you are. Alright, we can always hire someone if you get tired of the project or need help.”

 

The god nodded and gave Tom a quick kiss. “I’ve run out of books anyway.”

 

Tom laughed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some may have noticed that the number of chapters in this story has changed from 30 to 32. This is not because I added more content, but because I can't count. When you're dealing with a 200ish page document, it can be a little tricky to keep track of things, especially when chapters get shuffled (the latter part of Red was originally in a much earlier section, as was Blade, etc.) 
> 
> But we're nearly to the end, kids! A bit more fluff and a bit more plot, and then we're done! 
> 
> I'm not through with Tom and Loki, obviously. There are even a handful of stories that are in this universe that I'll be posting as my secondary works (Much like "Consorting with the Enemy" is being posted now on my off days), but I'm moving on to another work which is a different universe after this one. It's still Tom/Loki, but very different on how they're portrayed. Hopefully you'll be coming with me!


	29. Blind

 

Despite the fact that he’d been captured by villainous versions of himself and Loki, Tom continued to allow himself to drift to other universes in his sleep. Loki had encouraged him - he suspected the god was more confident in his ability to astrally traverse the universes now that he’d done it on his own - and Tom had a great deal more control over it now. He had even revisited some of his previous selves to see how they were doing. Most of the universes were tame. Sometimes the alternate Tom was with Loki, sometimes he wasn’t. Sometimes his life seemed quite normal; in others, it was fantastical and strange.

 

In all cases, he appeared in the new universe physically near to the version of himself that resided in there. Usually it was a self he would recognize as “Tom”, sometimes it was Loki, occasionally both of them together. He’d accidentally walked in on a few intimate moments, which was awkward, but hard to step away from. Was it really voyeurism if you were watching _yourself_ have sex? He saw why Ben found the pair of them together so appealing, a juxtaposition of symmetry and contrast. But he was mindful of what Loki had told him about having sex in an astral form, that one tended to fly apart. Tom suspected that it wasn’t actually the _sex_ that was the problem so much as how it ended, so he didn’t linger.

 

Some of the universes were incredibly bizarre. Like the universe where they were cats. Weirdly sexy, but very very strange.

 

In one world he and Loki met as children - somehow the same age - at a school for magicians that looked suspiciously like Hogwarts. The teenage version of himself in that world looked up at Tom, smiled, and waved. This young, gawky, iteration was clearly aware of his presence when almost no one was. Tom started to try and talk to him, but he awoke and was pulled away. He wondered where this child would go with his life, if he and Loki were - or would be - friends or enemies or lovers. Wondered how his life would be different with magic at his fingertips from childhood.

 

As he wandered through these other Toms’ lives, he pondered how they had come to their current situations. What choices and circumstances had brought them to these states? A choice to not go to RADA might have been because this Tom was a little more reserved, or fearful of judgement. Or had he just found a different calling than acting? Or was it something far more complex?

 

In one of the worlds, when Loki had let go and fallen from the bifrost, he had landed in Tom’s version of Midgard instead of descending into Thanos’s clutches, and they’d been friends and lovers for years and years. He’d never returned to his own universe. Tom spared a moment to think about how that would change the reality of that Loki’s universe. Loki meeting Thanos created the Avengers, aided the Titan in gathering the Infinity Stones. It was possible that Frigga’s death wouldn’t occur without Loki being in Asgard - Tom would _never_ have mentioned that to his lover - and Odin would have been present on Asgard after the Dark Elf invasion, rather than on Earth. It was impossible to tell what might have happened without the god’s presence. And even if Tom had wanted to look, he couldn’t since there were no versions of himself in that realm.

 

Choice. All of this was about choice.

 

In his own life, his own reality, things might have played out very differently had Tom made other choices. Perhaps if he’d told Loki that he was slated to die when he started spending time with the god - rather than hinting at it and hoping that Loki would care for him enough to stay - that would have changed things as well. He’d had the opportunity again and again, but held himself back. The first time they discussed how their universes lined up, he’d almost said, but didn’t. And again when Ben brought up Thanos and the Tesseract. He’d told Loki that the Titan would come, not that he would kill the god. A hundred times in between, he’d nearly said, but had been afraid. 

 

Of course when he _first_ met Loki, he hadn’t thought that the god was anything more than a dream. The god had appeared to him in Tom’s mind, it was only logical that it was a dream; his mind dealing with the stress of knowing that he’d be leaving that world - that character - behind. Because Tom had known the god’s fate even then, for over a year, long before the scene was even filmed. At the time, he wanted Loki’s life to be better, not necessarily longer. For him to make up with Thor, know that he was loved and understood by _someone._ Tom had thought back then - on the wooden stage of his mind - that he was saying goodbye to Loki, not welcoming the god into his life. His heart had broken for Loki, and he’d hoped the god would manage to find peace before he died, but that was all.

 

If any of it had even been real.

 

Of course it had been real. He’d sought Loki out again and found him. Discovered that he couldn’t bear the thought of the god’s death, tried to change things, and failed. But despite Tom’s failure, despite the fact that Loki had almost died, he managed to return to Tom. They were happy together. Tom’s life was now a mad kaleidoscope of magic and love and chaos and wonder. He wouldn’t trade it for anything.

 

o0o

 

He appeared high above a ruined city. It took him a moment to realize that it was London; a shattered, bombed-out London. For a split second Tom wondered if he’d travelled back in time to the Blitz, but then he saw the London Eye. Or what was left of it. He looked around a moment longer, put the landmarks together - central London in devastation - and recognized that he must be standing in the upper levels of the Shard, the tallest building in the UK.

 

It was too quiet. It was broad daylight outside, but there was nobody moving about on the streets below. The building seemed empty, but Tom could feel another version of himself close by. With a shiver of trepidation, he headed towards the feeling.

 

Two men in ragged army uniforms with machine guns stood in the hallway, guarding a door. They took no notice of Tom; he was invisible, intangible. The pull of his other self came from behind that door. He could easily pass through solid objects when he traveled like this. On the contrary, it was nearly impossible to physically interact with anything. So Tom drifted through the door. It was thicker than he’d expected. Solid and reinforced, as were the walls.

 

It was a cell.

 

Once it might have been an office, or a large storage room, but now it was bare of all furniture. A figure was chained to the wall by his wrists and ankles. Thin, unkempt, tattered, filthy.

 

Himself.

 

“Oh my god.”

 

The Tom leaning against the wall turned towards him, but didn’t make eye-contact. “What? L...Loki?” His voice was fractured, ragged.

 

“No, I’m sorry.” Tom took a step closer. He looked around the room to see if there were any cameras, but the room was featureless save for the occupant and his chains. When he got closer, Tom saw the duplicate’s eyes were clouded over white with only the tiniest hint of blue below. “You can hear me?”

 

The other nodded. His head was cocked so that his right ear was slightly closer. “Who are you?”

 

“I… I’m you.”

 

“Oh.” The other Tom nodded and leaned back; he seemed to accept this remarkably easily. “You should leave before anyone finds you. I’m damaged, they might think you’re a better option.”

 

“I don’t think anyone else can… can detect me. Loki might be able to, but not anyone else.”

 

The duplicate flinched at the god’s name. “You should still go. It’s not safe here.”

 

“What happened to you?” Tom crouched by the other’s side. “What happened to your eyes?”

 

“They were damaged.” He pointed his face away from Tom, to the floor. “I don’t know if it was intentional or not, but they... ” He shuddered. “Once they were done, I couldn’t see anymore.”  

 

Tom touched the other’s chin to tilt his head up. The blind man flinched away, a quick, violent jerk that spoke of more than just not being able to see; physical contact meant pain to him. “What’s been going on here?”

 

“I… Thanos.”

 

“What?”

 

“The Titan came after the Tesseract. Loki ran. He… they captured me. I’ve been kept here, in case Loki comes back.”

 

“Oh god.” Tom sat on the floor beside the other. “How long?”

 

“I don’t know. A year maybe?”

 

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry.”

 

The other Tom shook his head. “It’s my fault. I convinced him to stay. And to run.”

 

“No, this isn’t your fault.”

 

“It is. They would never have come here if it hadn’t been for me. My world _died_ because of me. But I was so afraid, and I didn’t think...”

 

“I know. I do. He was going to die.”

 

The milky-eyed man nodded. “I couldn’t let that happen. I was so... “ He laughed, a beaten cracked sound. “So blind.”

 

“You had no reason to think that this could happen.”

 

“Loki thought it might.”

 

“I know.” Tom sighed. He should have realized that there would be a universe like this out there. Where Loki had stayed and the Titan had come.

 

“Why are you here? How did you even _get_ here?”

 

“That’s very complicated. I’m sorry, I don’t think I can explain. Or that I should.”

 

The other Tom nodded. “I think I understand. But you’re safe? Your world hasn’t been taken?”

 

“No.”

 

The blind doppelganger relaxed and shifted his chains with unfortunately practiced ease. “Good.” He took a deep breath. “And Loki? Your Loki?”

 

“He’s alive. With me.”

 

“What happened?”

 

“He went back to his world, but managed to escape. Thanos killed a duplicate. Loki had help getting back to me from… from outside his universe. I don’t know if it could have happened any other way.”

 

“Ah.” The blind Tom wiped his eyes with the heel of his hand. “You’ve encountered other versions of this?”

 

“I have.”

 

“Any worse than this one?”

 

“I…” Tom thought about the versions of himself who’d never met Loki, ones who’d never even become an actor, the universe where the pair of them had taken over the world, the Tom who’d gone mad. “No. I don’t think so.”

 

The other man let out a bark of laughter. “Of course.”

 

“Is there anything I can do for you?”

 

Blind Tom seemed to think for a long time before he spoke. “No. Nothing that you’d be willing to do.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“The world is better off without me. Loki is better off without me. If he ever comes back, they’ll torture me in front of him until he gives up the Tesseract. I don’t want that for him. Or for me.”

 

“Oh.” Tom sat back. He understood what was being asked of him. “You know what Loki will do if you’re dead?”

 

The other Tom shrugged.

 

“He’ll try and kill Thanos, and he won’t be able to. Just like you kept him from doing in the first place, but worse. He’ll go berzerk. He won’t have a plan, he’ll just try and kill. He’ll go mad again.”

 

The blind Tom sighed. “You may be right, but if I’m gone, Loki _might_ be able to stay away. He won’t have a reason to come back here anymore.” He shifted against the wall, chains rattling. “And I don’t want to be tortured anymore. I’m not asking you to kill me. I wouldn’t be able to kill anyone, so I don’t think you could either. Just find me a weapon.”

 

Tom closed his eyes and rubbed his hands over his face. It might be too late for this Earth; this universe. Too late for himself. Too late for Loki. But could he possibly do that? Help someone - himself - to die? “What if I help you escape instead?”

 

“How? I won’t be able to survive on my own. Everyone knows who I am and that the Titan wants me. Even if I could see, I’d still be a sitting duck.”

 

“I’ll find your Loki. He might be able to heal you. Even if he can’t, he can take care of you. We’ll figure something out. You don’t have to die.”

 

The blind Tom shook his head. “It’s too dangerous.”

 

“Are you still linked to your Loki?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“The green line in the back of your mind. You must have it.”

 

The blind man nodded. “Oh. I think so, yes.”

 

“You can use that to find him. To communicate.”

 

“But I don’t want him to come back. He’ll be captured.”

 

“You can tell him to meet me somewhere else. He can get anywhere, yes? Perhaps someplace he can get to without using the Tesseract?”

 

The blind man sighed. “Maybe. I can try.” He leaned so that his back was against the wall and closed his eyes. Tom knew from personal experience that it was very difficult to get any useful information from the link. He always knew that Loki was alright - even if he didn’t always believe it - and could locate the god if he concentrated. He suspected that Loki had more information about himself than vice versa, but he didn’t know for certain. A few minutes passed in the grubby cell, then the other opened his eyes, useless as they were.

 

“Stonehenge. In four hours.”

 

“Stonehenge?”

 

The other nodded. “I think I managed to get the idea of meeting you across, but I’m not sure if he realizes it’s not me. He… said isn’t really the right word, but he indicated that he could get to Stonehenge without using the Tesseract.”

 

Tom nodded. “That makes sense. It was one of the places where the barrier between worlds is thin. There’s probably a hidden path there.”

 

The blind Tom laughed. “Filming _Dark World_ seems like millennia ago. I would never have thought back then that this would be my life.”

 

“Me neither.” Tom realized what he’d said and flinched. “Of course my life is nothing like yours. I can’t even imagine what you’re going through. I’m sorry.”

 

The other shook his head. “It’s okay. I’m glad you can’t.” He shifted forward. “Will you tell me about it? Your life?”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

The other nodded and smiled a tiny sad smile. “I want to hear what the best case scenario sounds like.”

 

“If you’d like.” Tom settled himself more comfortably. “Loki’s created a persona for himself, a university student. He loves it.”

 

“Your relationship is public?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“How did coming out go?”

 

Tom laughed. “About as well as it could have, I think. I suspect Loki did something to some to the more volatile of the objectors, since many of them mysteriously disappeared from their online lives.”

 

The blind Tom snickered. “He would do that and think that I… we, were better off not knowing.”

 

“Exactly.” He paused and wondered how much to tell the other. “What was your relationship with Ben like?”

 

The other Tom blushed and rubbed his collarbone. “Oh. It never went anywhere after that first time.”

 

“We’re together too, in my universe.”

 

“He’s not with Sophie anymore? What does Loki think?”

 

“They’re still married, and, well, Loki’s fine with it. Sometimes it’s all three of us.”

 

The other’s mouth dropped open. “I am so jealous of you.”

 

Tom laughed. “Sorry.”

 

“No, it’s fine. I just…” He snorted a small laugh. “You really are the best case scenario, aren’t you? Are you and Loki married yet?”

 

“Ah, no. We bought a house though. We just moved in.”

 

“You should ask him.”

 

“What?”

 

“Ask him to marry you.”

 

“I…” He’d thought about it - of course he had - but Tom was a bit marriage-phobic, for obvious reasons.

 

“I know why you’re scared, but life’s too short, too uncertain. You want to be with him forever, just go ahead and do it.”

 

Tom drew a small circle on the floor with his fingertip. “I’ll think about it.”

 

“You might not be the best case scenario forever, you know.”

 

“It feels… feels like rushing. We haven’t even been together for a full year.”

 

“And? Can you think of anyone you’d rather be with? And it sounds like you have an open relationship anyway, and there’s no reason for that to change. There’s no reason for anything to change, really.”  
  
Tom scowled. “Then why bother?”

 

“Because it would make him happy.”

 

He thought back to all the times that Loki had been overjoyed by something incredibly simple, a straightforward acknowledgement of their relationship, or the easy assumptions that Tom made about Loki being his partner. “You’re right, he would be ecstatic.”

 

The other nodded. “Just do it.”

 

“Let me get you out of here first.”

 

A sad half-smile graced the other’s face. “I’m not holding my breath.”

 

“Listen, there was another one of us, in another universe, his Loki left and never came back. He’d gone mad with grief and pain. We _mended_ his sanity. My Loki healed him. We can save you too.”

 

“If you can, I’ll be grateful, but I’ve accepted this.”

 

“Accepted it?”

 

The other shrugged. “This is where I am, it does me no good to deny it, fight against the reality. I live at the whims of a mad warlord who thinks if he prods me enough, my lover will come and rescue me. I’m blind, helpless. I can’t just sit here waiting to be rescued. Any attempt to free me would put my loved ones in even more danger. If I didn’t accept all of this, I’d have gone mad a long time ago.”

 

“Honestly you might be one of the most stable versions of me I’ve seen, which is remarkable.”

 

The other Tom snorted. “I have a lot of time to think.”

 

“How do you stand… stand the pain?”

 

He shrugged. “It's transient. I don't look forward to it, or back on it. In the moment, I bear it.”

 

“That's amazing.”

 

The other shrugged again. “It's how I cope.”

 

“You're very brave.”

 

He chuckled. “I'm really not. I'm just doing the best I can.”

 

Tom sighed. “I should go, I’m not sure how long it will take me to get to Wiltshire. I can go pretty fast, but I haven’t tried to go so far before.”

 

“I’m not going even ask how you’re able to travel.”

 

“That’s probably wise.” Tom hesitated. “Is there anything that you want before I go?”

 

The other smiled, lopsided and sad, and shook his head. “No. Good luck.”

 

Tom wanted to hug the other version of himself, but given his aversion to physical contact - which was reasonable, if very alien to him - it seemed like a bad idea.

 

“I'll be back as soon as I can. I’ll talk to Loki and I’ll be back.” Tom got to his feet. “I have a plan.”

 

“I won’t say I'll see you soon.”

 

Tom stifled a laugh. “Rather. Goodbye for now.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As before, the other realities Tom looks into at the beginning of this chapter have stories, some of which I will be posting, including the next big work (guess which one it is!). 
> 
> The thing about Tom knowing that Loki was going to be killed at the beginning of _Infinity War_ way in advance is true. According to the interview he did at Ace, he'd gotten the script almost two years ago (as of June). I'd never heard anything so heartbreaking in my life.


	30. Nexus

 

As it turned out, Tom could go very fast indeed. He found that astral travel within a realm was simple compared to slipping between universes. He didn't have as much practice, but it was so much easier that it hardly mattered. He did start to draw on the magic of this universe to travel, just to keep his energy up.

 

Stonehenge was deserted. Tom glimpsed people on his way, but few and far between. He wondered if the population had been halved or if the Titan’s destruction had been worse because he was seeking the Tesseract. Nobody was at the monument in any case. He settled down on one of the lintel stones to wait.

 

The walls between worlds were thin here; he could feel it. Perhaps this place was one of Loki's Nexuses? It felt like going home would be easier here. Layers of time and space and and reality built up, one in top of the other. Tom felt it when one of the doors opened and another version of himself stepped through.

 

Loki was invisible, but Tom could see through most of the god’s illusions now. _Don't look at me, I'm not here_ twisted around him even as the light bent around his form. Loki was being paranoid - layering his defenses like that - but Tom couldn't really blame him.

 

The god snuck through the stones on silent feet, apparently searching for any sign of another living being. He wore armor so tattered that Tom couldn’t tell what color it had been originally, but now was a matte charcoal gray. Tom watched this from above, perched atop the henge, intangible, so he was unlikely to be detected. Finally, Loki seemed to satisfy himself that he was alone and dropped the aversion spell. The light still bent so that normal eyes couldn't see him, though Tom still had no problem. The god went to the center of the henge and hopped up onto the altar, where he sat, looking around.

 

Tom slid down the stone and landed on the grass. He made no noise, still intangible. At one point he'd tried to figure out how he could still walk and sit when he passed through solid objects at will, but gave it up as a bad job a long time ago. How he was able to interact with some versions of himself and not others was completely incomprehensible, though he was certain there must be an explanation for it.

 

“Loki.”

 

The god twisted in his seat at Tom's stage-whisper. His eyes flowed over Tom before he blinked a few times, and focused. A huge smile burst into his face. “Beloved!” Loki launched himself off the stone and swept Tom up into his arms and kissed him. “Oh my love, how are you free?”

 

“Loki, wait, stop.” Tom pulled out of the god’s tight embrace, though it broke his heart to do so.

 

Loki held him at arm's length and gazed into his eyes. “What, what is it? What’s wrong? Why are you… shifted?”

 

“I'm not your Tom, I'm sorry.”

 

“What do you mean, ‘not mine’?” A scowl creased Loki's brow.

 

“I need your help - your Tom needs your help - but I'm not him, I'm sorry.”

 

“Explain.”

 

Tom sighed. “I'm from another universe. I found your Tom and I'm trying to help him get free, but he… he needs you right away. He can't come here on his own.”

 

Loki was silent for a long moment, frowning at Tom in the twilight. Finally, he nodded. “You are what you say you are. Now what has happened to my beloved?”

 

“He’s a prisoner, I assume you know that.” Loki nodded and Tom continued. “I think I can get him out of his cell, I can make him like me - incorporeal - but not for too long. The problem is…”

 

“What?”

 

“He’s blind.”

 

Rage spiked in the gods eyes. “Who has done this?”

 

“I don’t know.”

  
  
“You do.”

 

Tom shook his head. “I really don’t; he didn’t tell me, but it was probably the Titan.”

 

Loki hissed like an angry cat. A dagger appeared in his hand and started to pull away.  “I’ll kill him.” Fury surged off of the god in waves, like scalding water on Tom’s skin. Green fire spiked in his eyes and the grass around his feet blackened and charred.

 

Tom grabbed the Loki’s shoulders, and he turned back, madness bleeding off of him. “Loki, wait, stop, no. You can’t, you’re not strong enough, you _know_ that. He’ll just kill you. And if you’re gone, there will be no reason to keep your Tom alive.”

 

The god snarled and hurled the dagger in his hand at one of the stones. It stuck into the dolerite several inches deep, quivering. Tom’s eyes went wide. “Please calm down, love.” Loki snapped his eyes back to Tom. More of the rage bled away. “You need to stay rational. You need to plan.”

 

Loki gritted his teeth, nodded, and took a deep breath. “You are correct. I must not let my rage get in the way of what’s truly important.” He closed his eyes, took another deep breath and let it out slowly. When he opened them, sanity ruled the god’s gaze again. “I’ve been looking for ways out of this realm that would be undetectable by the Titan, and I may have found a way, but I’ve been unable to safely penetrate the Shard. There are layers upon layers of security and wards on the tower. Most likely I could get in, but I would never leave again.”

 

Tom breathed a sigh of relief. “I can get him out, but we’re not going to be able to get far undetected. I can probably get him out of the city, but that’s it.”

 

Loki’s lips twitched and he lay a finger over them, hand under his chin. “There’s an underground resistance movement amongst the humans fighting against the Titan’s occupation. I’ve been working with them on occasion. It’s likely that we can arrange for transport to one of the nexus points through them.”

 

Something struck Tom when Loki said ‘nexus points’. “Will I do? As a nexus point?”

 

The god’s eyes went wide. He looked at Tom closely. “Perhaps.” Loki walked around him, a study in perfect concentration. “Not alone, but yes, I think you will. One of the lesser points could be used as a greater with your influence. Why are you so different than my own beloved?” The god came back around to face him.

 

Tom shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ve only been practicing this for a few months, and Loki hasn’t figured out why it’s happening yet.”

 

The god smiled at his name. “Had I not experienced many other realms - some in your presence - this would be very strange indeed. Right now, I’m simply grateful you’re able to assist us.”

 

Tom smiled. “That seems to be what I do these days.” At Loki’s confused look, he continued. “Helping out other Toms in need.”

 

The god chuckled. “I would expect nothing less of you.” He laid a hand on Tom’s shoulder. “Can you show me what you intend to do to remove your other self from the Shard?”

 

He frowned. “I’ll try.” Tom reached out and grasped Loki’s hands. He pushed the flow of energy out of himself rather than pulling in, as was his instinct. He heard the god’s breath catch. He had only done this on purpose once before, with his own Loki. And Tom had been completely panicked at the time, so he wasn’t certain what he had done to bring the god into phase with himself.  He _was_ certain that he could bring another version of himself onto the same strange plane that he existed on in these other universes, as long as he could already interact with them. He’d done that with “King Tom”, accidentally phasing the tyrant out of reality with him while he himself was trying to escape.

 

He could feel Loki’s magical presence fighting against his. He just didn’t have the same rapport with this Loki as he did with his own. “Relax.” The god shifted his stance, but his magical defenses were still rigidly in place. “Let me in, love.” Loki relaxed further and smiled. Tom could now detect the lattice work of green and gold, bright gems of power under the god’s skin. What he wanted to do would alter that magic, bring it closer to his own. There was just so much of it.

 

After a few seconds, Tom realized that without their connection, Loki was too strong for him to alter in any major way; the god’s seidr was ancient and powerful, far beyond anything that a mortal could learn in less than a year. So he focused on the gods hands. The green paled, as did the gold, and the yellow color bled out of Loki’s hands. Once they were blue and pale gold, he could feel the god’s hands lighten as they became intangible, like himself.

 

Loki pulled one of his hands away from Tom and swept it through the altar stone beside them. It passed through the rock with no impediment. “Amazing.” He looked back at Tom. “This might actually work.”

 

“It’ll be much easier with your Tom. I’ve done this before, though never really while I knew what I was doing. I brought another Tom out of phase accidentally, and my own Loki. This should work. We just just need to figure out what to do once we’re out of the Shard and safely out of London.”

 

The god nodded. “If you’re able to bring a lesser nexus point to become a greater, you needn’t even leave London, there are several within the city. One in particular is very strong, and quite close to the Shard. It’s almost enough to be a greater point all on its own. Your presence would be enough to push it over that limit without a doubt.”

 

“Where?” Tom half expected it to be their flat or the new house.

 

“Westminster,” Loki replied. “Baker Street specifically.”

 

Tom laughed. “Seriously?”

 

Loki raised an eyebrow and nodded.

 

“Oh god, I’ll have to tell Ben, that’s hilarious.”

 

“I have a feeling this is something that I’ll have to investigate at a future date.”

 

Tom grinned and nodded. “Yes. Get your Tom to explain. He’ll think it’s hilarious too.”

 

Loki quirked a small smile. “You should be able to sense the point when you’re in the area.”

 

“I think I know exactly where it is, but thanks.”

 

“Shall I meet you there?”

 

“Yes. I’ll head back now. It only took me a couple of hours to get here, so say, four hours again?”

 

The god nodded and pulled Tom into a hug. “Thank you for this.”

 

The human wrapped his arms around this tattered version of his lover. “Of course.” He kissed Loki’s cheek and pulled away. “I’ll see you soon.”

 

And he was gone.

 

o0o

 

When Tom returned to the Shard, the blind version of himself lay curled up in the corner of his cell, his rag-covered back pressed to the wall, apparently asleep. The same guards were still outside the room, looking pretty tired themselves. Tom had absorbed a tremendous amount of energy from the surrounding area. He felt like he’d had too much tea in too short a time, jittery and wired.

 

He knelt down beside the local Tom and spoke into his ear. “Wake up, I’m back.”

 

The man on the floor stirred and blinked his milky eyes open. “Wha…?”

 

“It’s me, the other Tom.”

 

The blind man rubbed his eyes. “You… you made it.”

 

“I did. I met with Loki and we have a plan. I can get you out of here, but I’m afraid I’m going to have to touch you.”

 

The other Tom nodded. “It’s alright, I’ll be fine. How are you going to get me out of these chains?”

 

“That’s part of why I have to touch you. I’m just going to hold onto your hands, alright?”

 

Tom held his hands out, right below the others’, and at the blind man’s nod, he brought their hands together, clasped so that either could pull away easily, but the contact was still solid. The blind Tom shuddered, but tightened his grip.

 

“This may feel a bit odd, but go with it. Try putting your mind where you go to meditate, that’ll probably help.”

 

The other nodded and closed his eyes. He set his shoulders back, spine straight. His magical state was such a contrast to Loki’s, it was stunning. The blind Tom was completely open, a receptive vessel for whatever was given to him. Tom poured his own energy into him and felt it soak into the other like water into a sponge. The local Tom gasped; the chains fell through his wrists and hit the floor with a solid thunk.

 

“Come on.” Tom got to his feet and pulled the other with him. “We can go through walls like this. Let me guide you, you’ll be fine.”

 

The thin, tattered Tom nodded and gripped his hand more tightly. Tom phased them through the wall away from the guard. They emerged into another office, this one scattered with the bare bones of furniture, and huge windows overlooking the Thames. The other Tom was breathing heavily. “Are you alright?”

 

“Yes. That was just a very strange sensation. And it smells different in here. I haven’t smelled anything new for a long time.”

 

Tom sniffed. It did smell different, but he wouldn’t have noted it. “It’s about to get stranger. Come on.” He tugged on the other’s hand and they moved through the office and out through the solid glass of the window.

 

And they were falling.

 

Slipping along the outside of the tallest skyscraper in the UK, plummeting downwards like a dropped stone, skidding along the slightly sloped windows. Not the gentle glide that Tom had incipated, a terrifying plummet down and down and down. The glass offered no resistance to their descent. They both shouted and clung to one another, the blind Tom tucked his head against his counterpart’s shoulder.

 

Tom closed his eyes and focused on slowing them, but the wind was so strong. It buffeted them against the tower, blasted his hair against his skin, howled on the inside of his skull. He felt the other man’s terror with his own. Their combined feelings mounted inside of him, grew from fear, to panic, to a maddening certainty that this was it. They were going to die. His own terror was overwhelming, he was going to die, never breath the air of his own universe, never see Loki again, all because he was trying to help, because he couldn’t just _stay put._ He wasn’t ready! No no no…

 

But in the  _other_ Tom, that fear turned to … acceptance.

 

If this was it, this was it. And that was fine.

 

They stopped.

 

Tom first noticed that the sound of the wind was gone. He opened his eyes and looked down. They were a meter from the street.

 

“Oh my god. We made it.”

 

“What?” The blind man opened his eyes, blinking up at the sky.

 

“We didn’t splatter. You did it.”

 

 _“I_ did?”

 

“You did.” Tom jumped the last meter to the ground, pulling the other with him. “I’m not sure how, but it was you, not me. I was too scared, you...” Tom shook his head. “You’re amazing.” He looked around and oriented himself. “Come on, let’s go.”

 

They started walking. “Where are we going?”

 

“You’re not going to believe this, but Baker Street.”

 

“What?”

 

“Apparently there’s some sort of interdimensional nexus in Westminster, and it’s located exactly where you’d think it would be.”

 

The other Tom laughed, then his face fell. “I don’t even know if Ben is still alive.”

 

“Oh god. Yeah.”

 

They walked in silence, hand in hand. Tom focused on keeping them incorporeal, but did his best to guide the other around obstacles anyway, in case his control slipped. The walk wasn’t far - in terms of London distances - not quite an hour and a half, but the empty streets were eerie. Home should not be like this. Not that Tom spent a lot of time in central London, but this was still his home. His city.

 

By the time they reached their destination, Tom was shaking. He’d absorbed so much magic from this universe, there was hardly any of his own left. But he could feel the nexus point. It didn’t call to him the way that Stonehenge had; this wasn’t _his_ point, and somehow that made a difference. He leaned against the building, beside the bronze plaque denoting the famous, fictional location. The other Tom leaned beside him, then his legs gave out. He slid to the walkway.

 

“Are you alright?”

 

“I’ve not walked so far in a very very long time.”

 

“Ah. Yes.” Tom sat down beside his local counterpart. “Loki should be here soon.”

 

The other smiled, a rich, genuine smile that Tom had not seen before on his counterpart’s face. But he knew what it felt like on his own, and only one thing in all of the universes could bring it on. “I can feel him, he’s coming.”

 

A few seconds later Loki emerged from the building. The god looked around and saw them sitting against the brick facade. He made a strangled noise and dashed to them. He dropped to his knees beside the blind Tom, wrapped his arms around him, kissing his face, his hair, his lips. The other didn’t flinch away from Loki’s touch as he had with Tom’s; he leaned in and returned the kisses, clung to the god like he was a lifeline.

 

Tom grinned at this reunion. If they hadn’t seen each other in a year, he wouldn’t haven’t been able to keep his hands off of Loki either. He watched the other two men as they embraced, tried not to listen in as they murmured and whispered to one another. _I love you I love you I love you._ Over and over again. He sniffed and wiped his eyes, yearning for his own god back home. Finally they broke apart, and Loki turned to him.

 

“Thank you. We owe you a great debt.”

 

Tom nodded. “It was the least I could do.”

 

“Too modest, as always.” Loki reached out and cupped Tom’s neck. “Someday you will learn to take a compliment.”

 

Tom laughed. “Let’s get you two out of this realm.”

 

Loki nodded and assisted his Tom to stand. The blind man leaned heavily on his god, whether because he was exhausted or just wanted to be close was unclear. Probably both.

 

They entered the building through the same door Loki had come out of and went upstairs to the first floor. It didn’t look anything like the _Sherlock_ set, but this was the right spot. Tom could feel it in his bones. He walked to a spot just off the center of the room, to where he could feel the thin point in the world. Thin and thick, all at once. It wasn’t ancient - like Stonehenge - but it was deep. He could feel the layers of reality built up here, easy to fall through, if you knew how to let yourself.

 

Tom oriented himself to those layers of reality. He thought of Ben, back home, his masterful performances as the modern day Sherlock Holmes. His friend and lover, so talented; Tom could feel Ben in the room with them, standing by his side.

 

He thought of the old TV series from when he was a child, Jeremy Brett, who’d gone mad, poor man. Further back to Basil Rathbone and his bumbling Watsons. Farther still to the old stories, timeless and timely all at once.

 

When he opened his eyes, the room had changed. The sitting room from _Sherlock_ sprang to life around them. Fireplace here, chairs there, bullet holes in the wall and all.

 

Loki looked around with wide eyes, holding his lover close. “Amazing.”

 

“Go, go now. I can’t hold it for long. This isn’t mine.”

 

Loki nodded, and pressed his lips to Tom’s in a chaste kiss. “Thank you. Be well.”

 

Tom grinned. “You too. Goodbye.”

 

“Goodbye,” the other Tom said with a smile.

 

Loki pulled his Tom out of the room, and they vanished.

 

Tom took one last glance at 221B, just so he could tell Ben. He relaxed his hold on the universe and was gone.

 


	31. Gone

 

Loki was frantic.

 

Tom wouldn’t wake up.

 

The mortal had overslept before, occasionally missing his morning run in a bid for more sleep. That was normal. The last time he’d overtaxed his magic, the human had slept for twice as long as he usually would have. He slept naturally then, exhausted and drained, but this was different. He just wasn’t there. By late afternoon, Loki was officially panicked.

 

He knew Tom was fine, he could feel that through their connection. The mortal wasn’t distressed or injured. He just wouldn’t wake. Loki was certain that the mortal’s astral form was in another realm and tried to travel to find him, but the way was blocked. Loki was unable to reach the place that so resembled the night sky, the place where Toms were stars. There was a shell around the area, a protective barrier of amber light. The god was certain that if Tom called out to him along their link, he would be able to reach his mortal, but as it was, he was helpless.

 

Loki hated being helpless.

 

He lay by Tom’s side throughout the day, testing their connection periodically, prodding at the amber barrier, feeding the mortal magic to keep him well. When Tom’s mobile rang in the evening, Loki answered it. “Hello?”

 

“Where are you?”

 

“Ben, it’s Loki.”

 

“Loki? Where’s Tom? Why are you answering his mobile?”

 

The god sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “He’s been unconscious for twenty hours.”

 

“What?”

 

“I believe he’s travelled to another universe.”

 

“Again?”

 

“Again. He’s fine, but… I’m becoming concerned.”

 

“I’ll be over in ten.” Ben disconnected the line and Loki set the mobile back on the nightstand. He lay a hand on Tom’s forehead and felt… nothing. The mortal still wasn’t there. He reached out along their link and felt a faint sense of Tom at the other end, focused and purposeful. The god poured a little more magic into his mortal’s body, to keep it functioning. From what Loki knew of human biology, Tom was essentially in a coma. He wondered if some coma patients were actually wandering astrally, unable or unwilling to return to their bodies. Something to investigate at some point, perhaps.

 

Ben had a key to the house - just like he had for their flat - so he didn’t bother phoning or ringing the doorbell when he arrived, he just came right in and up to the master suite. He was dressed in a rather nice suit, and Loki belated realized that he and Tom had plans, which is why the Less Relevant Mortal had phoned in the first place. Loki had been so distressed by the whole thing it simply hadn’t occurred to him.

 

“How is he?” Ben sat on the edge of the bed next to Loki.

 

“As I said, he’s fine, just not psychically present.”

 

“What does that mean?”

 

“When one travels astrally, the consciousness leaves the body and goes elsewhere. Usually it’s to another part of the same realm. But Tom is capable - indeed inclined - to have his astral form wander into other universes where other versions of himself exist.”

 

Ben took one of Tom’s hands in his own, stroking his thumb across the backs of the younger actor’s fingers. “He’s told me a little about that. Do you know why?”

 

Loki shrugged. “I have theories, but nothing concrete. It may simply be his magical nature, it may be because of how we first met, or something else entirely.”

 

“Why would it be related to how you met?”

 

“You recall how that happened, yes? I ‘met’ Dr. Strange in astral form before we came to your realm the first time. My body remained on the ship while his remained on his version of Midgard. We were both connected to our bodies by an astral link, but when the accident with the Tesseract and the Eye of Agamotto occured, we were drawn into your realm instead. This displaced your astral form and Tom’s, forcing your minds into a lower level of consciousness.” Loki brushed one of Tom’s curls back from his temple. “In theory, it could have forced your astral forms _out_ instead down. It’s possible that happened to Tom at some point while I was in his body. Or perhaps the presence of another astral form of alien origin created a disposition for this kind of travel. Then we proceeded to travel astrally ourselves when I returned to Midgard bodily.”

 

“Reinforcing whatever was already there.”

 

Loki nodded. “Exactly.”

 

“So this might be your fault.”

 

The god sighed. “It may be.”

 

“Or it could be completely unrelated.”

 

“Precisely. I have no way of knowing.” Loki shrugged again. “I’ve done my best to reach Tom, but I’ve been unsuccessful. So I’ve been keeping his body healthy in his absence.”

 

“When do you think he’ll be back?”

 

“I’ve no idea. Time moves strangely between universes, so he may not even realize that he’s late in returning.” The god set his hand on Tom’s forehead, checking their link yet again. “He’s not trapped, or if he is, he’s unaware of it.”

 

“How do you know?”

 

Loki brushed his fingers over Tom’s temples. “He’s in no distress. I can feel a trace of his mood. Whatever he’s doing feels… important.”

 

“He’s on a mission?”

 

There was laughter in Ben’s voice, but Loki nodded. “That’s very much what this feels like, yes.”

 

“Huh.” Ben rubbed his chin. “He has an interview tomorrow morning.”

 

Loki groaned. “I’d forgotten all about that; you’re correct.”

 

“We’ll have to tell them he’s ill.”

 

“Perhaps not.”

 

“You think he’ll be awake by then?”

 

“Mayhap, but if he’s not, I can take his place.”

 

“What? How? You don’t look _that_ much alike.”

 

Loki smiled at Ben and _shifted._ He now looked exactly like the unconscious man on the bed.

 

“Fuck. That’s…”

 

“‘Uncanny’ is the term that Tom used.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“If he’s not recovered by morning, will you stay with him while I take care of the interview? I’d rather not leave him alone.”

 

“Of course.”

 

Loki shifted back to looking like himself and lay a hand on Ben’s shoulder. “Thank you. I do apologize for ruining your evening.”

 

“It’s not your fault. Do you want any company? I can spend the night here so we can both keep an eye on him together.”

 

The god nodded. “I would appreciate it. I’m afraid I’m inclined to fret when left to myself, and fretting will not help in any way.”

 

Ben wrapped his arm around Loki’s shoulders and squeezed. “I understand. Have you eaten at all today?”

 

“Not since morning.”

 

“Alright, we’ll order takeaway since I’m sure you don’t want to leave him.”

 

Loki nodded. “Thank you.”

 

Ben kissed the god’s temple and got to his feet. “Chinese?”

 

“Certainly.”

 

“I’ll get us the usual.”

 

The actor slipped out of the room, leaving Loki alone with their lover. The god leaned down and placed his forehead against Tom’s. “Beloved, please come home.” There was no response, but Loki hadn’t really expected one.

 

Ben and Loki ate in the small sitting area of the suite; both men’s eyes drifted to Tom, conversation frequently stuttering to a halt.

 

“What do you think he’s doing?”

 

Loki frowned. “I have to assume that he’s attempting to aid another of his selves.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“The purposefulness that I’ve sensed, him being on a ‘mission’, as you put it. If he found another self he could assist, he would do so.”

 

“Huh.” Ben leaned back in his chair. “I thought he couldn’t interact with the others.”

  
  
“Most of them, no, but there have been a few. Did he not tell you of the realm where we had taken over the world?”

 

The actor laughed. “No, that sounds entertaining.”

 

“It was not, unfortunately.”

 

“Ah. Pity.”

 

“Yes, well. Can you imagine what must have happened to Tom for him to allow me to conquer your Midgard?”

 

Ben sat back. “Now that you mention it, no. I suppose you might have gotten together after that.”

 

Loki shrugged and studied his hands. “I would think that he might have been coerced, but from what Tom said, they appeared to rule as equals.”

 

“Coerced?”

 

Loki looked away. “It’s much easier for me to imagine myself going to such a dark place than for my beloved to do so.”

 

Ben shifted in his seat and turned his gaze to the man on the bed, then back at Loki. “I very much doubt that you’d… Well, we’ll probably never know what really happened.”

 

The god nodded, mouth turned down, eyebrows drawn in.

 

Ben quirked a small smile and nudged the other’s shoulder. “I do recall making a joke about a magical gay dictator when we first met.”

 

Loki chuckled. “And Tom corrected you and said I would be a ‘pansexual god-king’.”

 

“That seems like a long time ago.”

 

“It does.” Loki smiled. “Thank you for spending the evening here.”

 

“Of course. Do you want me to spend the night in the guest room or with you?”

 

The god shrugged. “Whichever you prefer. Though perhaps both our mutual presences might encourage Tom to return to us.”

 

Ben chuckled. “It might. I assume that you’re not up for anything?”

 

Loki shook his head. “I’m afraid not.”

 

“I didn’t think so, but I thought I should ask. I’m fine with just sleeping.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

When they crawled into bed some time later, they each curled up on opposite sides of Tom. Loki pressed himself to his mortal’s side, aching with the loss of his lover’s consciousness. He poured yet more magic into the still form, willing him to return. Ben’s arm came to rest along Tom’s stomach, just below Loki’s, fingers brushing along the god’s wrist.

 

“He’ll be fine.”

 

“I know. I just want him back.”

 

“Me too. You should try and sleep. He might need you.”

 

Loki nodded against Tom’s shoulder. “You are correct. We should both sleep.” They were silent for a long moment. “Ben?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“It’s nothing. Go to sleep.”

 

Loki chuckled and set his mind to rest.

 

o0o

 

Tom still hadn’t woken by  morning. Loki poured as much seidr into the mortal as he dared before he left to do Tom’s interview for him. Luckily he knew enough about the project that he could answer the question they’d be asking, though he did glanced at the actor’s notes just in case. Loki dressed in Tom’s clothes - blue button down shirt, jeans, and the gray/brown boots the human habitually wore - rather than the black clothing he’d commandeered from his mortal’s wardrobe. The god altered his hair, eyes and skin, all easy shifts. He took a spare pair of Tom’s spectacles, but didn’t put them on, he just slipped them into the pocket of his shirt.

 

“If he wakes up while I’m gone, text me. He might be in pain, treat it like you would a hangover. Plenty of water and paracetamol. And feed him. He’ll be starving and need as much protein as you can force him to eat.”

 

Ben sighed. “Yes mother.”

 

Loki scowled.

 

“Smile, you’ll look more like Tom.”

 

“The car isn’t here yet, mortal, I shall keep my expression however I wish.”

 

Ben wrapped his arms around Loki and kissed his cheek. “He’ll be fine.”

 

Loki bowed his head. “I’m sorry.”

 

“See, there you go, you sound more like him already.”

 

The god laughed. “Point well taken.” He glanced out the window. “It’s here. Phone if anything happens?”

 

“I promise to keep you in the loop.”

 

“How do I look?”

 

“Like a thirty-seven year old actor. Not even a little like a thousand year old magical gay dictator.”

 

Loki smacked Ben lightly on the shoulder.

 

“Okay, a little, but no more than Tom usually does. Now get out of here.”

 

The god left and Ben went back upstairs. He sat at the small table in the corner of the bedroom reading while Tom continued to apparently sleep. It was a bit difficult to concentrate when his best friend and lover appeared to be in a coma, but at least he was doing better than Loki. The god texted twelve times within forty-five minutes, then went silent while the interview presumably happened.

 

Whatever he’d told Loki, Ben was concerned. What would happen if Tom didn’t come back? Loki would… not do well. The god would do everything in his power, _anything_ to get the actor back. And if he failed… Well. Best case scenario might be that Loki would simply pine away looking after Tom’s empty body. Worst case scenario... the world would suffer.

 

Nothing he could do about it now, though Ben did give a few minutes thought to the best ways to keep an unstable god from going completely mental. He was halfway through his book when he caught a hint of movement from the bed. He set the book down and looked over.

 

Tom was definitely waking up.He rolled onto his side and covered his face with an arm and groaned. Ben breathed a sigh of relief, hastily texted Loki, and headed to the bed.

 

“Hey, you in there?”

 

“Ben?”

 

“Hi. How are you feeling?”

 

“I feel like so much rubbish, a tip wouldn’t take me.”

 

Ben laughed. “Have some water. Loki said to treat this like a hangover.”

 

The younger man accepted the glass of water Ben pressed into his hands. “Where is he?”

 

“Off pretending to be you.”

 

Tom blinked. “What? Wait, no, I don’t think I want to know. Is there paracetamol?”

 

Ben handed over the pills. “You’ve been out for almost two days. Loki’s doing the interview you had scheduled.”

 

“It’s Thursday?”

 

“Yup.”

 

“Fuck.”

 

Ben nodded. “He’s been worried sick.”

 

“Oh no. I had no idea it had been so long.”

 

“We figured.”

 

“How long have you been here?”

 

“Well, when you didn’t show up last night, I phoned and Loki told me that you were off travelling in your sleep, so I came over instead.”

 

“I’m so sorry.”

 

“It’s alright. Loki and I had a good time without you.”

 

Tom glared. “Not if he was worried sick you didn’t.”

 

Ben chuckled. “We had a Chinese and chatted. I took care of him while he took care of you. Apparently he’d been feeding you magic for the last two days to keep you alive.”

 

Tom put his hands over his face. “He’s going to kill me.”

 

Ben shrugged. “He might drown you with kisses.”

 

“How would one drown in a kiss? They don’t tend to be that liquid.”

 

“I think you’re doing it wrong then.”

 

Tom laughed. “You’ve never complained and neither has Loki. Nor anyone else I’ve ever kissed.”

 

“We’ve been meaning to tell you…”

 

Tom laughed harder. “Stop, Loki won’t have to kill me, you’ll have done it for him.”

 

“He’ll kill _me_ if I don’t get you some breakfast.”

 

“Oh god, yes please darling. I’m famished.”

 

“Okay, I’ll grab you something. Text Loki while I’m gone. I already did, but it won’t hurt to hear from you.” Ben leaned down and kissed Tom’s forehead and went to downstairs to heat up the food Loki had prepared earlier.

 

When he came back upstairs, plate in hand, he could hear Tom talking.

 

“Yes, I’m fine love. No, nothing like that.” Tom looked up as Ben came into the bedroom. “Yes, he’s taking good care of me. He just brought me breakfast, in fact.” Tom grinned at Ben. “I’ll see you soon. I love you too.” He set the mobile aside and took the plate. “You were right, he’s worried sick.”

 

“How can you tell?”

 

“He said ‘I love you’ first.”

 

Ben raised an eyebrow at that. “He calls you ‘beloved’ all the time.”

 

The other actor nodded. “He does, but Loki has this thing where he doesn’t think anyone really believes what he says, so he tends to not express his emotions verbally.”

 

“Huh, I would not have guessed that.”

 

“I’m putting my own interpretation in it, but yes.”

 

“I think your interpretations of Loki’s motivations are probably pretty good.”

 

Tom chuckled. “I do have pretty good insight into his character, yes, but he really is his own person.”

 

“I know. It was actually kind of nice to spend time with him, just the two of us; that doesn’t happen often.” Ben smiled. “He really is head over heels for you.”

 

“I know. It’s mutual.” Tom blushed and grinned. “In the universe I was just in, that Tom and Loki hadn’t seen each other in a year. I helped them find one another; it was so sweet to see them together again.”

 

Ben smiled. “So you were off rescuing yourself. That’s what Loki thought.”

 

The other actor nodded and frowned down at the food. “It was bad, Ben. Really bad.”

 

“Eat your breakfast, you can tell me about it later. Loki should be home soon, and he’ll murder me for not making you eat your weight in meat products.”

 

Tom chuckled, then sobered. “I am sorry. I think it was worth it, but I’m sorry to have worried you both.”

 

“Like I said, it was nice to spend a bit of time with Loki. I’m never entirely certain where I stand with him as it is.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I’ve never quite been able to get over the idea that he could kill me with a thought. He doesn’t like me that much.”

 

Tom shook his head. “He likes you a great deal, you’re just comparing it to how he acts around me as opposed to the rest of the human race.”

 

Ben nodded. “I suppose that’s true. He called me ‘mortal’ this morning, which he hasn’t done in ages.”

 

Tom laughed. “He was probably just stressed.”

 

“He was. Like I said, he was worried sick.” Ben paused and looked down at Tom, who has a fond smile on his face. “I’m really glad he came back. That you two found each other in the first place.”

 

“Me too.”

 

Both men started as the door slammed shut below.

 

“I’ll leave you lovebirds alone. I’m sure Loki has a few things to say to you that you’d rather not have company for.”

 

“Oh lord. Yes, thanks. We’ll reschedule for last night. Sorry about that.”

 

“No problem.” Ben leaned and kissed the other man before getting to his feet. “I’ll see you later.” He met Loki - who looked like himself again - on the stairs. “He’s all yours.”

 

The god smiled. “Thank you for your help. How is he?”

 

“Fine. Now go take care of him.”

 

Loki grinned and scampered up the stairs.

 

Ben left the house, locking the door behind him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the non-Brits in the audience, a “tip” is essentially a garbage dump. Tom’s joke can be translated into American English as: “I feel like so much garbage the dump wouldn’t let me in.” 
> 
> Much like in chapter 23 “Metaphor”, Tom’s brain is coming up with weird stuff.


	32. Ask

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of time has passed since our last chapter. Some of it will be filled in later, some of it will not. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who's been reading this series! I really appreciate all of the kudos and comments you've given me over the months.
> 
> Now I'll let the last chapter speak for itself.

 

 

Tom was up to something.

 

Loki knew this. It was obvious. His mortal was an amazingly poor liar. He was a wonderful actor, could take on the mantle of any character he chose, including notable liars like himself, but he could not lie convincingly. How he had never picked up the skill in his nearly four decades of life baffled the god.

 

Still, it meant that Loki knew when the actor lied to him - which wasn’t often, especially these days - and when he was trying to be sneaky. The god suspected that the upcoming mortal holiday called “Christmas” had something to do with Tom’s furtive behavior.

 

It really started when Loki suggested the fancy dress party. At the time, the god had assumed that it was his mortal’s trepidation was at Loki planning an event, but the behavior remained after the party was over and done with. Really Tom should have known better. Loki had been in this realm for a long time now, and hadn’t caused any chaos.

 

Well, some chaos. But nothing that affected their lives. Very much.

 

Alright, he had sewn a fair amount of chaos, but nothing that Tom was aware of. Other than the business with the rats. But Loki had taken care of that right away, and it had been fine.

 

So when the mortal continued to be furtive after the party was over, Loki got suspicious.

 

Loki’s research into Midgardian holidays - which lead him to the idea of the Halloween fancy dress party in the first place - told the god that Christmas was a “big deal”, even if one wasn’t Christian. Loki found the idea of worshiping _any_ god ludicrous, especially one younger than his own father, but he suspected that Tom did celebrate the holiday, so he would respect the traditions for his lover’s sake. He learned that gift giving was the norm for this occasion, so he deduced Tom planned on getting him something special. Of course this put pressure on him to do something similar. Loki had been away (avoiding being killed by Thanos) during Tom’s birthday, which meant that it had to be very special indeed.

 

Loki had absolutely no ideas at all.

 

Procuring gifts for his family and friends back on Asgard had been easy. Weapons and armor were always appropriate. Loki had never had to think too much about it; a high quality blade would always be appreciated. Come to think on it, Tom might actually like something along those lines. Mortals didn't carry knives everywhere - not in this culture - but Tom was a decent swordsman for a human. Perhaps a replica of a famous sword? One that he could use to spar with Loki? It was worth investigating.

 

The god set himself the task of finding an appropriate sword for his lover and put the mortal's odd behavior out of his mind.

 

o0o

 

The winter brought chill rain and windy days that rocked the trees around the house. Tom referred to the weather as “blustery”. Loki loved it. The sting of rain driven into his skin and his hair whipping around his head made the god feel alive. Even the gray skies appealed to him, despite the complaints of the mortals around him. Loki thought it was beautiful.

 

So he was smiling when he came home from doing the shopping, raindrops clinging to his hair like diamonds on black velvet. Tom was in the sitting room, and stood when Loki walked in. 

 

“Hello love.” Tom gave him a twitchy smile and a kiss. “Let me help, we need to leave soon.” The mortal took one of the bags and went into the kitchen.

 

“Leave? We're going somewhere?” Loki followed and started putting the groceries away.

 

Tom nodded. “We have reservations.”

 

“We do?” Usually the mortal checked with him to be certain Loki didn't have plans before arranging something like this.

 

“Yup.”

 

“What's this about?”

 

Tom turned to face him. His lips twitched. “It's a surprise.”

 

Loki raised an eyebrow. “Alright.”

 

Tom put the last apple in the fridge and walked towards the sitting room. “There's a suit on the bed. Wear that.” He disappeared into his office.

 

Loki blinked at the empty room, finished putting things away mechanically, and went upstairs. The suit was gorgeous; plain black, but beautiful material, and of an elegant, subtle cut. The shirt was a green so dark it looked black in the shadow, only showing its color under the bright lights of the bath. The tie was a couple of shades lighter, a deep emerald - nearly forest - green. Loki calmed his frizzy hair with magic, smoothing it down with seidr-filled hands. That was one of the first displays of magic Loki had ever done in front of Tom. The mortal had called it “magical hair product”. Loki smiled at the memory. How long ago was that? A year? Loki blinked and looked at the date on his mobile. It was exactly a year ago, to the day, that he had arrived in this realm physically for the first time.

 

That couldn't be a coincidence.

 

Loki knew about anniversaries. This wasn't a day he had considered to be designated as theirs. Perhaps when he met Tom the first time, astrally. Or the first time they made love, which was admittedly not too long from now. But not his physical arrival. Still, it seemed likely that this was what Tom was on about.

 

Loki straightened his tie, checked his reflection to make sure everything was in place, and walked back into the bedroom, into the hall, down the stairs. He tapped on Tom’s office door.

 

“I’m ready beloved.”

 

“I’ll be out in a moment,” came the muffled reply.

 

Loki paced the length of the sitting room while he waited. If he understood mortal media correctly, there was a penalty for forgetting one’s anniversary. Whenever it happened in films or on television, the mortal who remembered (usually female) got very upset with the mortal who forgot (usually male), and “hilarity ensued”. Loki hadn’t even realized that this was an anniversary for them. Would he be pardoned because of that or would it make the situation worse? In a film it would make it worse. Tom starred in a lot of films.

 

He increase his pacing and twisted his hands around themselves, creating tiny green sparks in the dimly lit room. When Tom finally emerged, Loki was so distraught he barely noticed the beautiful dark blue suit his mortal wore.

 

“I’m so sorry, beloved, I didn’t realize what day it was.”

 

Tom blinked at him, then laughed. “It’s alright, love, calm down. I decided that this would be a good celebrate, that’s all.”

 

Loki breathed again. “Thank you.”

 

Tom giggled. “It’s arbitrary anyway. Day after tomorrow might make more sense, but I have a play that night, so…” He shrugged.

 

Loki laughed. _“That_ I would have remembered.” He noted to himself to wake Tom up in a similar fashion on that day as they had a year before.

 

Tom glanced at his mobile. “The car’s here, let’s go.”

 

Loki slipped the illusion of his mortal guise into place. They both pulled on overcoats and Tom held out his hand to Loki. The god tangled his fingers with his mortal’s and they left.

 

Once in the car, Loki performed the small spell that kept them unnoticed, which he usually did when he and Tom went out together. This was the most mild version of it. It kept fans and photographers away, but not people who had real business with them, like waiters or cab drivers.

 

Once the spell was complete, he turned to the mortal. “Where are we going?”

 

Tom named a restaurant Loki had never heard of.

 

“Ah. Anything else?”

 

“I was thinking dessert afterwards at that Italian place you like, assuming we want it after the meal.”

 

“And?”

 

“Perhaps a walk?”

 

Tom was definitely up to something. It wasn’t raining at the moment, but the wind was still high. Early December was hardly strolling weather. “A walk sounds lovely.”

 

Supper was highly entertaining. The food was interesting and tasted amazing. Occasionally Loki wondered if humans had a different palate than he did. It seemed likely. He would often detect tastes that Tom didn’t, or describe flavors that the mortal didn’t understand. They were different species after all. But it made discussing food with his mortal very interesting, if occasionally frustrating.

 

Tom drank slightly more than his usual want. The tasting menu they were enjoying did have a wine pairing for each dish, which might explain it, but Loki’s suspicious nature was kicking in. He had no inkling of Tom’s plan, but he was increasingly certain that there was something. So he kept a sharp eye on the mortal’s behavior. It was almost impossible for the god to get drunk on just wine, so he kept his wits about him easily enough.

 

The tasting menu included dessert, so they decided against tiramisu at the tiny Italian restaurant that Loki had discovered, and instead headed towards the river at a slow walk. Loki increased the power of the “leave me alone” spell, and eyes began to slide off of them entirely. A few blocks from the restaurant, it started to rain. Tom swore quietly and Loki chuckled.

 

“My ideal romantic evening did not include rain.”

 

“We live in London, beloved, rain is a given.”

 

“I know, but I was hoping.”

 

“I could likely make the rain disperse, but it would look suspicious.”

 

“Let’s find a tree to hide under then, shall we?”

 

They headed for a small cluster of trees nearby, with an empty bench. Loki created an “umbrella” of invisible force to keep off what rain and wind made it through the trees. Light from a nearby street lamp filtered through the needles and branches, casting Tom’s face in an odd play of light and shadow. One of his eyes was pale, like Loki’s, the other a sapphire blue. The god was charmed and kissed him as soon as they sat. He tasted like coffee, vanilla, and lavender. Tom wrapped a hand around Loki’s neck, pulling him closer. They kissed for so long that the mortal had to pull away to breathe. They leaned their foreheads together and Loki stroked Tom’s cheek with the backs of his fingers.

 

“It’s been a wonderful evening, my love, rain notwithstanding.”

 

“I’m glad.” Tom’s voice was rough. “I just wanted everything to be perfect for you.”

 

“Perfection is overrated. Without imperfection, life wouldn’t exist at all. Perfection is _boring.”_

 

The mortal chuckled. “I’d rather be interesting than perfect.”

 

“You are. Perhaps perfect for me, but that’s different.”

 

“Loki, I…” Tom’s voice roughened further. “I love you, so much. You know that, right?”

 

The god kissed the mortal, just a quick press of lips. “I do. I love you as well. More than I dreamed possible.”

 

Tom nodded, and closed his eyes. “I’ve never felt like this, ever. We’ve talked about our life together, the centuries we’ll spend. And I hope that happens, that you’re right, that I’ll live for as long as you do.” His voice was shaking now.

 

Loki put his hands on either side of Tom’s face and tilted it up. The mortal opened his eyes to meet his gaze. “Even if you don’t, I will love you still. Spend my days at your side, even if you grow old and ill.” It would break his heart, but Loki couldn’t imagine living without his mortal now, and that included dealing with all that mortality offered. The good and the bad.

 

“I know.” Tom pulled his hands away from Loki’s neck, into his lap, rubbed his palms against the fabric of his beautifully tailored trousers. “And that means everything. But I want to be there with you. For you. For as long as I can, however long that might be.” He sniffed, and wiped his eyes. “I’m sorry love.”

 

“For what? Crying? You need never be ashamed of your feelings with me.” Loki brushed away one of the mortal’s tears as Tom pulled a handkerchief out of his jacket pocket. “We are both creatures of strong emotion. It’s one of the many things we have in common.”

 

Tom nodded and wiped his eyes with the white cloth. “So many. And we’ve only just begun learning them all.” He straightened and pulled away slightly, hands back in his lap. “A year ago, you stepped into my life, not as a character or a dream, but in reality. You’d been part of me for a long time, Loki, but nothing could prepare me for life _with_ you, not just _as_ you. And I want that life to be forever.” The mortal took a deep breath, and pulled something small and dark out from inside the handkerchief. “Loki, will you do the honor of marrying me?” It was a velvet box which Tom opened. Inside was a gold and emerald ring.

 

Loki couldn’t breathe. Never in a thousand years did he suspect this. It was impossible. Nobody would ever want to marry _him,_ it was unthinkable. And Tom’s feelings on marriage were complex to say the least. But… he hadn’t misheard. That was a _ring,_ this culture’s symbol of commitment. He wasn’t imagining this. The god froze, staring at the ring in his mortal’s hands, unable to process what had just happened.

 

“Love?” Tom’s voice was shaking badly now.

 

“I…” Loki dove forward and kissed him. He couldn’t think, or breathe, or speak, but he could kiss. So he kissed _yes yes yes yes_ against his mortal’s lips, silver tongue expressing itself where words themselves failed. He pulled away, tried to speak, gave up and kissed Tom again.

 

The mortal laughed and pulled away. “Is that a yes?”

 

Loki nodded. “Yes.”

 

Tom pulled the ring out of its box and slipped it on to Loki’s left hand. It fit perfectly. The mortal laughed. “This may have been the easiest engagement ring fitting ever. The lady I spoke with spent a while telling me about how the width and shape of the band affected the fit, so that even if I knew your ring size, it might still need to be adjusted, which is almost impossible for a ring of this design. I think she was trying to get me to bring you into the shop while I was trying to keep this a secret! Then I told her our hands were the same size and shape, and I could just try it on.”

 

Loki barely noticed what Tom was saying, he was looking at the ring. It was of rich yellow gold that looked plaited, four strands interwoven all the way around. Seven small square emeralds were set into the band, spaced evenly apart, inset so the surface of the gems were level with the gold. The stones pointed at the edge of the band rather than their sides being parallel to it, so they looked like a diamond shape more than the squares they actually were.

“Do you like it?”

 

“It’s… perfect.” Loki held his hand up in front of his eyes, admiring his ring. The odd number of stones combined with the even number of strands appealed to him, as did the contrast between the sinuous pait and the sharp edges of the stones. Symmetry and asymmetry all at once. “Thank you.”

 

Tom grinned. “I’m glad you like it. I had it specially designed for you.”

 

The god looked up sharply. “How long have you been planning this?”

 

“A few months.”

 

Loki grinned. “I knew you were up to something, but I never suspected this.”

 

Tom chuckled. “That's the only reason I was able to keep it a secret.”

 

“Still, having a ring made for me?”

 

“Men's engagement rings are pretty thin on the ground, even these days. I couldn't find anything that I liked, that suited you. So I had it made, even if they did try and talk me out of emeralds.” Tom shook his head. “Besides, you’re worth it.”

 

Loki uttered a strangled cry and threw himself at the moral again. Just held on and cried into Tom’s hair. He couldn't stop.

 

“Darling? Are you alright?”

 

The god nodded and kept crying. Tom stroked his back with gentle hands and let Loki cry. Eventually the river ran dry and the god pulled away. Wordlessly, Tom handed him the handkerchief which had concealed the box. Loki giggled and wiped his eyes.

 

“You're sneakier than I gave you credit for.”

 

Tom laughed and gave a small bow. “Acting.” He grinned. “And I had the advantage that you would never think that I would do this in a million years.”

 

“True.”

 

“Shall we go home?”

 

Loki nodded and got to his feet. He held out his left hand to the mortal, emeralds and gold shining in the darkness. Tom took his hand, got up, and pulled Loki into a tight hug. “I've been shaking all day.”

 

“You still are.”

 

“So are you.”

 

“Yes, well. I'm fairly certain that these are normal responses in this situation.”

 

Tom laughed. “Probably. At least we're normal about something.”

 

“Normal is as overrated as perfection.”

 

“I couldn't agree more, love.” Tom pulled away and tugged on Loki's hand. “Come on, let's go home.”

 

 

 


End file.
